I'm largely out of the pop-culture loop, so don't know what Jessica Biel looks like. Is she an actress? Model? Pop star? I guess I'll have to go and Google her now...

If Jessica Biel is not available, I will settle for playing the bongoes on her boyfriend's butt, Justin Timberlake.
"I don't want to work, I just want to bang on these {butts} all day."

I am dying here!!! As funny as that was....and make no mistake it was funny....I have two problems with it.

1. It is just wrong that you are only willing to do 10 things for her if she were yours. I can think of about a hundred right off the top of my head, most of which are illegal in at least one state in the US.

2. If you take down that website, I will have no where to spend my days and most of my nights...dayum!

Oh and the tags were great, especally the last two, I have come to the same conclussion.

Rated!

Change your name to Big Willie and you might have a shot.

Jessica Biel believes in the bodcious! (R)

Once again, even just judging the tags, you de (funny) man of OS.

You have got it bad, and so early in the morning.

Rated with many laughs!

I think you should have Jessica wear the half size t-shirt walk the dog when it's raining. Duh!

Sigh... the soft kiss on the back of the neck while on the phone with my mom sounded so good...

Justin Timberlake? Evidence of amazing twits?

Eva T. Made Vaudeville - Jessica Biel started out as a model before she went into acting.

Wally_M - Okay I'll keep the website open just for you.

O'Really - Little Willie has been known to grow into Big Willie when presented with the appropriate stimuli.

Chuck Stetson - "Bodacious" is the perfect adjective for JB.

DeliaBlack - For me the tags must be at least as funny as the post, if not funnier.

Just Pamela - I have it worse than bad.

Jeanette DeMain - Thanks!

Noni The Intern - I like the way your mind works.

hahaha!

but, omg - what was the name of that movie where the serial killer kept writing that little saying all over the walls ??? i think it was robert downey, jr???

1_Irritated_Mother - I didn't see that Robert Downey, Jr. movie. My tags were inspired by Jack Nicholson from the movie, "The Shining."

Stacey Youdin - I have never seen Justin's twits. I am hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.

rita shibr - a soft kiss on the back of the neck has started many families.

She'a got a brother named Jessie you might have a chance at, but it's doubtful with that little willie!!

I am mistaken for her all of the time. *sigh* It gets so old. But, since I do, I will expect you over here by noon to commence bongo playing...

mypsyche - how do you like it? Hard or soft? Fast or slow? Decaf or Regular?

scanner - I don't really need Jessica Biel or her brother, Jessie. Just someone who resembles Jessica, even just a little bit.

LW-to answer your questions: Yes.

Close your eyes...think of Jessica when she is 60...still do all those things?

Buffy W - YES!

All of them but the website - leave it up as a public service. And good luck with this pursuit; it's good to have a dream!

Where are the photos? Curse you Willie. Thumbs up for bongoes though.

Owl_Says_Who - I am leaving the website up for Wally_M and Tinkerertink69.

GJI Penguin - Photos of Jessica Biel - easy to find
Bongoes shaped like Jessica's butt - not so easy to find
NEVER MIND THE BUTTOCKS

Wow - did someone wake up with some serious morning wood today? Your post was hilarious - as per the usual...

I thought Jessica & JT broke up? If so, I'll take him--he likes older women, right?

I feel the same was about Scarlett. Still looking for the doopelganger.

Funny piece. R

You know that JT just kicked her to the kerb... so you might be able to score her on the rebound... you know... just take advantage of her being all vulnerable and shit... work that angle... you might just get to play bongo's on her ass. Stranger things have happened.

Well, thank goodness I don't look like Jessica Biel, then:)

rice paddie - "Morning Wood" Isn't that a song by The Beatles?

spotted_mind - I'll help you get JT if you help me get JB.

john blumenthal - Scarlett J. is right up there with Jessica B.

iamsurly - I need to practice the butt bongoes. Do you know any good availables asses?

Caroline Hagood - You do look like her a bit. Not enough to commence stalking, but there is certainly a tiny resemblence.

I don't look like Jesica Biel at all but my ass is very available for Bongo lessons ...
just sayin...

Willie you crack me up! I just kept reading the tags funny and crazy you ROCK!

Lunchlady2 - Thanks. I try not to neglect the tags.

OopsieDaisies - We should discuss the bongo lessons by (PM) personal message.

Damn it, if you looked like Antonio Banderas, I'd do like at least a hundred things, mostly illegal in 48 states!! Whoooo!! ;)

LOVE the tags!!

P.S.

You're on my favorite list, but keep sending me the whoring cause I like it when you whore!! ;)

I googled Jessica. For someone who used to be a model...she's not painfully skinny. I guess she'll do. Still...Lacey Schwimmer, Lacey Schwimmer; Lacey Schwimmer!!! Lacey is my new girl-crush. If you don't know why, yet, go, thou, and google!!!

Tinkerertink69 - I love it when you make me feel dirty and cheap.

Eva T. Made Vaudeville - I'm off to check out this Lacey Schwimmer.

See, this is how I feel about John Frusciante.

Rated for butt-bongos and references to the Shining.

Natalie Not Pedantic - Okay. Now I'm curious. I need to check out John Frusciante.

JustJuli - Thanks for making the connection between The Shining and Butt Bongoes.

Well, shoot. I don't know what she looks like, but if just looking like her would make you do all these things.... I sure hope you find her look-a-like.

I agree with the person who wrote that she should be the one out walking the dog in the rain though, especially if you've gone to all the work to shrink her t-shirts.

And number three? You should do that to everyone woman you date. Just sayin'.

Now I have to go google Jessica Biel so I can see how far off this dream is.

wakingupslowly - How far off is this dream? Well let's just say if I live on the South Pole, Jessica resides on the North Pole. Pretty damn far.

Oh, lw, I have a connection to Ms. Biel...she went to high school with my oldest son...they all turned 21 around the same time and celebrated in Vegas. She is beautiful, natural and a good person.

marytkelly - I agree 100%. Jessica Biel is one of those extremely rare individuals who is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside.

Eeeek Little Willie - you got no soul. You'll never get paid reparation payments now. Power to the People!

Breaking News: littlewillie is finally revealed and he looks like...Jessica Biel!

Just joking, I like the profile picture. It's nice to put a face to the humor.

noah tall - Soul is color blind.

caroline hagood - Thank you.

Wow! You've got a face! Nice!

shit, i hate these kinds of posts but they other guys love them so whatever. and Jessica Biel is freaking hot. i can truly see that. rent Easy Virtue. not a good movie really, but she is stunning in it, with total body hugging dresses. sometimes the illusion of nudity is more sexy. i'm 57 and overweight but used to be very hot and very much of a 'ho. just miss my old self when i read this stuff. whatever. love love love, but not so much with the gratitude.

Just Pamela - Yes I have a face, and most of the other body parts too.

Theodora L'Engle Knight - I usually don't write pop culture or "Top Ten" type posts. I'm not a big fan of those either. I have never seen "Easy Virtue." I will have to rent it. xoxo

This made me blush. I feel like I'm eavesdropping on your inner thoughts.

Heck, I'd take out the trash and scrub the toilet, and not in some euphemism kind of way.

If Jessica Biel's buttocks were musical instruments, they would not be bongoes! I personally liken Mlle Biel's buttocks to a cello. A Stradivarius Bonjour, to be exact, which sold for $1.03 million at Christie’s in 1999 and is currently on loan to the Canada Council for the Arts Instrument Bank. Other famous Stradivari cellos include the Davidov, owned by Yo-Yo Ma, and the Duport, owned by the late Mstislav Rostropovich. The Fleming, made in Cremona, northern Italy, in 1717, suffered damage early in its life – probably in the 1750s in Madrid – and parts of it had to be replaced. The repair work was carried out by Joseph Contreras, Spain’s finest instrument maker of the time, but had the cello still been as Stradivari intended it would be worth many more millions.

Thank you very much indeed, M. Chariot.

Deborah Young - my inner thoughts are inside out.

ocularnervosa - the list could have been much longer than 10 things.

Monsieur Chariot - Thank you for schooling me on valuable celloes. Kindly tell Yo-Yo Ma to keep his hands off my bongoes.