Timmy Thomas was a child surfing prodigy. By age eleven, he was the Hawaiian junior champion, regularly beating other surfers two or three years older than him.
One early morning, Timmy was out surfing when a shark bit off his left arm. Miraculousy, Timmy not only survived, but he was back in the water surfing and competing less than six months after the shark attack.
Timmy's amazing story was an inspiration to thousands of people, reverberating way beyond the world of surfing. All the big talk shows wanted him, Hollywood wanted to make a movie about his life, and politicians wanted to have their picture taken with Timmy.
About a year later, Timmy was surfing and attacked by a shark, and this time he lost his right leg. Timmy again survived and experts said that he would never surf again.
Timmy was determined to prove the experts wrong, and he did, teaching himself to surf using his remaining arm and leg. The talk shows had him back on, the Hollywood scumbag machine revved back up, and the cockroach politicians begged for photo opportunities.
Despite all the madness, Timmy remained humble. All he wanted to do was surf - he was not comfortable being anyone's hero or celebrity.
Every morning, Timmy continued to paddle out slowly to his favorite surfing spot and catch a few waves. The years went by and people started to forget about Timmy until the day a shark bit off his remaining arm and leg.
Timmy was rushed to the hospital and though he lost a lot of blood, he defied the odds and pulled through. Experts predicted that this would surely be the end of Timmy's surfing career.
Timmy's friends and family rallied around Timmy, building him an adaptive surfboard and Timmy "the surfing stump" was born.
The Surfing Stump continues to inspire millions of people around the world. To donate to Timmy's "Save-A-Stump" Foundation, just call 1-800-STUMPY.


Salon.com
Comments
Rated.
R
::walks away cackling having just cracked herself up::
:)
Owl_Says_Who - Your "ass gets chewed off" at your job! What zoo do you work at?
scanner - Your fees? Who do you think you are, a health insurance company?
Torman - Go Yankees! Go Stumpy!
john blumenthal - never underestimate a stump.
Stacey Youdin - Yes. I love Monty Python.
O'Really - There is no end to Stumpy. His legend lives on long after the stump is gone.
mypsyche - If you keep cracking yourself up, the men in white satin jackets may take you away.
MTodd - Please check my tags. I included the word, "fiction." You've visited my blog before. You can always assume that I'm joking.
(I'm ready for light night)
Don't sharks eat stumps then?
Jeanette DeMain - The Cramps had a song called "The Surfing Dead." If Lux Interior was alive, I would want him to write the lyrics for "The Surfing Stump."
Tommy can north this time of year and lie in a pile of leaves. We'll call him Russell...
Love it.
I think we should write a satirical line of books with names like Soul Rot or something much too clever to come out of my brain. We can make millions of dollars.
OH! It is...
;-)