"Say Hello To My Little Willie"

BYOB&B - Bring your own Beer & Bullshit
OCTOBER 29, 2009 2:32PM

Chicken Soup For The Vegan Soul, Part I

Rate: 20 Flag

Timmy Thomas was a child surfing prodigy.  By age eleven, he was the Hawaiian junior champion, regularly beating other surfers two or three years older than him.

One early morning, Timmy was out surfing when a shark bit off his left arm.  Miraculousy, Timmy not only survived, but he was back in the water surfing and competing less than six months after the shark attack.

Timmy's amazing story was an inspiration to thousands of people, reverberating way beyond the world of surfing.  All the big talk shows wanted him, Hollywood wanted to make a movie about his life,  and politicians wanted to have their picture taken with Timmy.

About a year later, Timmy was surfing and attacked by a shark, and this time he lost his right leg.  Timmy again survived and experts said that he would never surf again. 

Timmy was determined to prove the experts wrong, and he did, teaching himself to surf using his remaining arm and leg.  The talk shows had him back on, the Hollywood scumbag machine revved back up, and the cockroach politicians begged for photo opportunities.

Despite all the madness, Timmy remained humble.  All he wanted to do was surf - he was not comfortable being anyone's hero or celebrity.

Every morning, Timmy continued to paddle out slowly to his favorite surfing spot and catch a few waves.  The years went by and people started to forget about Timmy until the day a shark bit off his remaining arm and leg.

Timmy was rushed to the hospital and though he lost a lot of blood, he defied the odds and pulled through.  Experts predicted that this would surely be the end of Timmy's surfing career. 

Timmy's friends and family rallied around Timmy, building him an adaptive surfboard and Timmy "the surfing stump" was born.

The Surfing Stump continues to inspire millions of people around the world.  To donate to Timmy's "Save-A-Stump" Foundation, just call 1-800-STUMPY.

 

 

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When you are feeling down, just remember "Timmy the Surfing Stump" to put your life in proper perspective
I only hope that Dick Dale will write a song for him!
I think I'm going to make a sign for my office in honor of Timmy. You know, as an inspiration on the days when my ass gets chewed off.
If that numbers busy, call 1-800-scanners-blog, and I will personally see "stumpy" gets the money, after my fees, of course!
Thankfully I have read your blog enough to always be braced for the punch-line and this one was a doozy. I actually once knew a guy like that, but he didn't surf. He did, however end up playing Home Plate for the New York Yankees.

Rated.
Talk about persistence. My God! What a story.
R
@Torman - I knew a guy like that too - hung out leaning against a wall at a museum . . . but it couldn't be the same guy - this guy's name was Art.
You've been watching Python's black knight sketch, eh?
At the end, did they change his name to "Matt"? ;)
He has been an inspiration of mine for years. Thank you for highlighting his cause. And, just remember, LW, you can't stump me.

::walks away cackling having just cracked herself up::
I don't feel inspired by this story. After the first shark accident, any intelligent individual would get a different hobby.

:)
If this is not a joke, then the guy really should find another place to surf. What does he do drag a chum bucket with his board to attract sharks?
Jeanette DeMain - "The Surfing Stump" would be a great name for a surf instrumental. Can you hear it?

Owl_Says_Who - Your "ass gets chewed off" at your job! What zoo do you work at?

scanner - Your fees? Who do you think you are, a health insurance company?

Torman - Go Yankees! Go Stumpy!

john blumenthal - never underestimate a stump.

Stacey Youdin - Yes. I love Monty Python.

O'Really - There is no end to Stumpy. His legend lives on long after the stump is gone.

mypsyche - If you keep cracking yourself up, the men in white satin jackets may take you away.
Gwendolyn Glover - I'm sorry that you didn't get the joke. You weren't supposed to be "inspired" by this story. I was spoofing the "Chicken Soup For The Soul" series.

MTodd - Please check my tags. I included the word, "fiction." You've visited my blog before. You can always assume that I'm joking.
You are one sick puppy! Loved it!!!! Just when I needed that laugh there you are. Thanks
lunchlady 2 - I'm glad you got the joke. Some other readers did not. Oh well. You can't please everybody.
Then a shark bit off his head and all his friends could say was, "he should've quit while he was a "head".
(I'm ready for light night)
That's "late night". I'm ready for late night.
Trudge164 - I can always count on you for a witty comeback.
When I have bizarre dreams of stumps on surfboards then I'll know who to blame.

Don't sharks eat stumps then?
Tiger sharks eat just about anything, including stumps.
On second thought, Willie, I think the song really needs lyrics, and the full Jan & Dean treatment. (Think "Dead Man's Curve".)
The very idea of providing chicken soup for vegan souls is inspiring to me. What a good guy youa re, littlewillie!
Eva T. Made Vaudeville - Help! The Vegans are after me for feeding them Chicken Soup.

Jeanette DeMain - The Cramps had a song called "The Surfing Dead." If Lux Interior was alive, I would want him to write the lyrics for "The Surfing Stump."
Now, see people, this is how you do it. No need to put 'comedy' in your tags when it's this obvious;)

Tommy can north this time of year and lie in a pile of leaves. We'll call him Russell...

Love it.
Will Someone Feed The Cat? - Russell is an excellent name for a stump. Too cold for stump surfing this time of year up north.
Did he say "let's call it a draw" in a British accent?
Steve Blevins - You and Stacey Youdin detected the "Monty Python" influence.
I think Timmy and his stump might be my soul mates.
That guy who wrote those chicken soup for the soul books (or at least, the guy who founded that line of books) was on The Secret.
I think we should write a satirical line of books with names like Soul Rot or something much too clever to come out of my brain. We can make millions of dollars.
Maybe I missed this last week 'cuz I thought it was a recipe.
OH! It is...
;-)
You are one sick puppy, littlewillie. Just between you and me, it isn't really, is it?
I guess sharks do get there pound of flesh. Anyone up for shark fishing. I know where to get some stump bait. ;)
Is this true or made up?? I honestly cannot tell! I am going to call the number and see!!! I have to look at your other posts.... how does this story relate to the title? Did Timmy eventually go vegan??
The Hideous Truth, Chris Nunn, For Your Eyes Only, Spotted_Mind, Caroline Hagood, and DeliaBlack - Thank you all for reading and commenting. The story is pure fiction. I have considered deleting the entire post because I feel that it isn't very good.