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littlewillie

littlewillie
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El Jefe
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Hobbies: Valet Parking, Disorderly Conduct, Amateur Acupuncture. Occupation: Boss of the Mexican Rug Cartel. Credit cards not accepted. Favorite Band: The Dry Humpers. Favorite Food: Hard Boiled Water. If you would like to contact me outside of Open Salon, my email address is sumorabbi@aol.com All original material written by Jeff Gross Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 2, 2010 6:04PM

Girl Scout Cookie Turf Wars Spiral Out Of Control

Rate: 30 Flag

It is that time of year again.  Fortunes are made and lost.  Battle lines are drawn.  The hills are alive with the sound of girl scout cookie sellers.

Are you a buyer or a seller of girl scout cookies?  The distinction is the same as between a civilian and a soldier.  There is some collateral damage, but for the most part girl scout cookie buyers can enjoy their cookies in relative safety.   Occasionally, a buyer tries to get away with not paying for his or her cookies, and a few thumbs must be bent and kneecaps cracked.

Judy Wilson is a nine year old collector for unpaid cookie accounts.  She's small of stature and adorable, but don't let her looks fool you, she is a ruthless enforcer.

"I just ring the bell wearing my girl scout uniform and people let me in their house.  Once the door is closed, I take care of business (TCB).

There are thousands of Girl Scout Cookie Cartels located across the United States which rake in millions of dollars a year according to the F.B.I.  The cartels operate independently and problems arise only when territorial boundaries are violated.  For example, two cookie cartels operating next to each other sell different types of cookies.  The Girl Scout "Bloods" may be selling Samoas, Do-Si-Dos, and Tagalongs.   The Girl Scout "Crips" sell Trefoils, Daisy Go Rounds and Thin Mints.

If the "Bloods" decide to muscle in on the "Thin Mint" market, then a gang war ensues.  Drive by eggings are a common form of retaliation.  A Girl Scout Leader will load up a min-van with girl scouts and cartons of eggs.  The van will ride up on a rival selling the wrong kind of cookies, open the side door of the van, and pelt their enemy with eggs and insults.  

A "egging" is usually followed by a "sitdown" in which the two sides settle differences without any further eggshed.  Law Enforcement seems powerless to stop the Girl Scout Cookie trading.

"The demand for Girl Scout Cookies is growing in all parts of the country.  We even have counterfeit cookies being smuggled in across the border from Mexico," remarked Jose Jimenez, a border patrol officer stationed in Arizona.

Girl Scout Cookie Rehab Centers are operating at full capacity.  President Obama is set to name a "Girl Scout Cookie Czar" at his next press conference.

 

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Comments

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Touch one of my Thin Mints and I will kill you.
What are they up to now? 10 bucks a box?
Little Willie! Look over there!! ------------------->

*grabs thin mints
Funny, but true. Those girls go for blood._r
Oooh, you've never seen two different troops of Girl Scouts and their moms at change-over time at your local grocery store! What happens to the hapless customer who wants to buy a box at exactly 12:00 noon when Troop 1349 is leaving, and Troop 1864 is arriving? WHO gets to sell the box? WHO gets the box credit? WHO gives the stink-eye to the other troop for selling past their allotted time? Serious bidness here. Serious.

froggy (who is ECSTATIC to NOT be selling Girl Scout cookies this year)
They are pushy. And I know someone who did it,and the moms are worse, as usual.
I just ordered a box. I was backed into a corner and threatened with a bitch-slapping. I hollered for the deacons, ministers, everyone in the church, but they were too afraid to help me.
My daughter used to sell them locally, until we received a GSA insignia sash wrapped around a dead carp.
You are demented and readable - I rated...
And this world has come to touchless thin mints...SOB! My one guilty pleasure gone in the time it took to read this post!
Judy posted at 5:53. You at 6:04. Damn, you're fast.
Your thin mints are mine, littlewillie. And if the bakers of these treats try to pull anything fast, like stop production, well...they know the score. xox
Hey you Girl Scouts....get offa my lawn......you know who you are. I mean it !!!!!!
Willie's got his finger on the pulse, that's all.
They are not the innocent cookies of days gone by. My daughter was a Girl Scout for awhile till the cookie fiasco....we don't speak of it.
Leepin Larry - I know a guy who sells top notch quality Thin Mints for $3.50 a box. Premium product only.

Amanda Gulledge - Okay. You can have one.

Joan H. - It's all about the money, even in Girl Scouts.

froggy - you can step out of the "life" but it will pull you back in.

Don Rush - Just buy your cookies and move out the way.

DeliaBlack - Even the Pope is scared of the Girl Scouts.

Jeff Brawer - You and your daughter were lucky just to get a warning.

Erin Huff - Thank you.

Gruntled - Demented to me is a compliment.

Buffy W - You and I both know that you can't eat just one Thin Mint.

Steve Blevins - Judy Who?

Robin Sneed - (Voice of Tony Montana (Al Pacino) - You wanna go to war. Lets go to war!

RoseyCheeks - Don't piss off the Girl Scouts

Lunchlady2 - Your daughter got out just in time.

Gruntled - Yes. I am the man.
It's ON, littlewillie! My people have called the baker people, and the line has stopped! It will take more than a few Girl Scout pins to get them cooking again...xox
That box of thin mints just went up to $50 per, mister! xox
Robin Sneed - I have a "Thin Mints" factory in Cuba pumping out thousands a day. Even after Fidel takes his cut, I'm still raking in the dough.
Please help, I'm being held by Girl Scouts at this locati@$@$%^83
You would think the chocolate would melt in a Cuban cookie sweat shop before they could get shipped out the door.

Keebler Grasshopper cookies stored in the freezer are a close substitute for Thin Mints in the off-season.

One more thing: "Be sure to tag your post: SKC Girl Scout cookies"
as per Judy Berman OS Editor.

{[R]}
I'm off to Cuba! Fidel better stuff as many Thin Mints as he can into his little chomping mouth now! xox
Your post has brought on raving craving for Thin Mints. If I virtually bat my non-virtuous eyes at you...maybe just ONE?
I love me a good girl scout cookie showdown. rated.
Bitch those are my Tagalongs.
Addicted to thin mints, I once stole a box of GSC's right out of the truck. Now my wife and I are in the witness protection program. We're Rick and Doris Jones. Don't tell anybody, but we live in Dickwad, Alabama.
Funny. R
iamsurly - I bet you got kicked out of the Girl Scouts.

Leepin' Larry - What does SKC stand for?

scanner - being taken hostage by some girl scouts is a good thing. Have fun.

Eva T. Vaudeville - I'll give you a Thin Mint, but don't tell anyone else. Then everyone will be mooching off me.

Caroline Hagood - Robin thinks she can hijack my Cuban cookie connection.
John Blumenthal - I had a feeling you were in Witness Protection when you only showed your sneakers at your OS meeting with Buffy W.
LW
I don't know what "SKC" stands for. Maybe someone here might know.
But here is a link to Judy Berman's Post:

http://open.salon.com/blog/judy_berman/2010/02/02/salon_kitchen_challenge_girl_scout_cookie_fever
This explains everything . . .
Owl_Says_Who - most of my posts defy explanation.
littlewillie, I am impressed with your bravery to expose the Truth behind the Girl Scout Cookie Wars that have raged for so long, truely, my friend, deserving of the most prized prize in Open History of Prizes,

THE TINK TOILET BOWL AWARD AKA T(INK) P(ICKED).

Congrats you deserve it when the death squads come a marching!!

;)
GSC: Frankly, I think this is excellent training for our (female) leadership of tomorrow. First, they learn cookie toss'n, then ball bust'n ... the finer arts of womanhood. They've got a real *head* start. good post, LW, and great undercover work. {{{R}}}
Tink69 - The Tink Toilet Bowl Award for Excellence in Journalism? I am not worthy.

Rod Emmons - doing work under cover(s) with the Girl Scouts were the happiest days of my life.
Some troops, cut the product with cheap plastic packaging. You are lucky if you get a dozen cookies in a brick, I mean a box. Some gang leaders force their lovers to deal from their office and strong arm co-workers to buy. And has anyone asked does the money end up in the hands of terrorist?

Sure, eat your Thin Mints and never think about the poor little girls forced to wear Kelly green and pay up to the Big Cookie, just so they can go to camp.
M Todd - I was waiting for someone to bring up the Girl Scout-Al Qaeda connection.
Rated!

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Ya, and you should see what goes on in Girl Scout prison. Talk about gang wars, those people are damned scary, with their chocolate tattoos and cookie shivs everywhere.
Saint Trudge - You changed your name again?

Boomer Bob - Martha Stewart ran a Girl Scout Prison gang when she was behind bars.
This explains a lot. I ordered two boxes of thin mints. They were delivered as promised. But -- I swear -- they were GRASSHOPPERS! repackaged into Thin Mint boxes.
Who doesn't covet a GSC?
Bellwether Vance - I can hook you up with a GSC dealer who delivers authentic product.

EK Anderson - Nancy Reagan said, "Just say no."
awesome and rated! I could never sell those damn cookies!
and they recruit them really young! I think they're called Brownies or Bluebirds or something...
I'm afraid leave my apartment with all the walk-by shootings these days. The Girls Scouts must be stopped.
Noah Tall - The indocrination must start early to insure full compliance with the Girl Scout Handbook.

Snoreville Ledenmocker - The Feds are going after the Girl Scouts with RICO.