It came as no surprise to this Hollywood entertainment reporter, Murray Seltzer, that Hollywood Heavyweights, Oliver Stone and Mel Gibson, have announced a collaboration to produce, direct, write, and star in the biography of Adolf Hitler. I met with the two Academy Award winners outside the fence of the exclusive, Ironwood Country Club.
Oliver Stone: We would invite you in for a drink, Murray, but this club is restricted, no Jews allowed.
Murray Seltzer: That's okay, Oliver. If I started my own country club I would keep all the Jews out. Once you let one Jew in as a member, before you know it, they take over the whole club, and ruin it for all the gentiles.
Oliver Stone: You see Mel. Here's a Jew who knows his place. Like my friend Tommy Lee Jones said, "The Jews took over Boca Raton, let them stay the fuck out of Palm Beach."
Mel Gibson: You can say that again.
Oliver Stone & Murray Seltzer (together): Stay the fuck out of Palm Beach!
Oliver Stone: Why can't more Jews be like you, Murray?
Murray Seltzer: Hey. I'm the one who is supposed to be asking the questions. So what took so long for you two guys to collaborate on a film?
Mel Gibson: We both wanted to do a Hitler picture. Instead of competing, we joined forces. Plus, neither of us could get financing for a movie about Hitler, so the two of us put up the money.
Murray Seltzer: It's hard to believe that Oliver Stone and Mel Gibson could not attract investors. Tarantino did pretty well with "Inglourious Bastards."
Oliver Stone: Come on Murray. You know how touchy Jews are about the Holocaust and Hitler. Tarantino did what everyone else did - he portrayed Hitler as a villain. We are looking to show the other sides of Hitler.
Murray Seltzer: What other sides?
Mel Gibson: The sides that the Jewish media does not want the world to know about. Hitler's artistic side, his love of animals, his romantic side, his feminine side, and his vulnerability. It's not easy to be The Fuhrer. Everyone expects you to be this tough, strong, dicktator. Behind the mask of the warlord was a little boy who just needed a hug.
Murray Seltzer: Hitler needed a hug?
Mel Gibson: Yes! You got a problem with that, you lousy, christ killing...
Oliver Stone: Take it easy, Mel. Ask a different question, Murray.
Murray Seltzer: Who are you thinking about to play Eva Braun?
Oliver Stone: We have several actresses in mind to play Hitler's love interest.
Mel Gibson: I want an authentic German cunt to play Eva Braun. I want Claudia Schiffer. Does Claudia Schiffer have fake tits? I hate fake tits!
Oliver Stone: Calm down, Mel. I will make sure that we get a German actress with real tits.
Mel Gibson: And I want her to blow me before every scene! Not after the scene, before. I'm a man and I deserve a blow job!
Murray Seltzer: Oliver. Did you give any thought about playing the role of Hitler yourself? Recently, I've noticed a growing resemblance between you and Adolf.
Oliver Stone: Thanks for noticing, Murray. I did think about playing Hitler, but Mel is the obvious choice. He has all the essential qualities to capture the essence of Hitler.
Mel Gibson: (pointing his finger at Murray) Listen buddy. I know all about you Jewish journalists and how you manipulate the media. I am warning you. I will kill your dog and eat it for lunch!
Murray Seltzer: I don't have a dog.
Mel Gibson: I will come over to Jewtown and burn down your house!
Murray Seltzer: I live in a condo, not in Jewtown.
Mel Gibson: You lying, Russian whore with your provocative clothes. Don't blame me if you get raped by a pack of hyenas!
Murray Seltzer: Thanks guys. Good luck with the movie.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satirical fiction. A small, secret,powerful group of Jews forced me to write this story and post it on Open Salon.
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Comments
Thank God!
Rated with hugs
Chuck A. Stetson - Without a doubt, Adolf and Mel would be best buddies.
Rod Emmons - It's funny that you mention Mel Brooks. When I googled the word, "Mel," Mel Gibson came up at the top followed by Mel Brooks. It probably bothers Gibson to be right next to a Jew.
Owl_Says_Who - I think that Mel Gibson would argue that all seasons are for Hitler - spring, summer, winter, and fall.
I found a January Huffington Post article where Stone says, "'Hitler is a monster. There is no question. I have no empathy for Hitler at all. He was a crazy psychopath,' Stone told reporters in the Thai capital. 'But like Frankenstein was a monster, there was a Dr. Frankenstein. He is product of his era.'"
I find people commenting on what he said, but not what he originally said.
Oh that's right, Gibson is a multi-talented actor with the ability to play them all.
SheilaTGTG55 - Always read the fine print.
sweetfeet - someone had to do it.
sagemerlin - I used to live in Wellington and hang out with Tommy Lee Jones at The Players Club.
Joan H. - Thanks for the "R."
DeliaBlack - Stone's latest interview is what most of the fuss is about. I know about the January interview.
john blumenthal - I thought Jews weren't welcome at The Polo Club.
Boomer Bob - Mel is capable of anything.
Gwool - The fact that this story is closer to the truth than fiction adds to the humor.
Lezlie
I am not sure what the point was?
Did you just want to convey a) that Oliver Stone and Mel Gibson are anti-Jews and b) that Jews are not a powerful minority group at all?
Did I really write that? It's uncharitable, but true...
I think I met Murray Seltzer at the Carnegie Deli a few years ago. Or was I drinking Seltzer at Murray's?
Lezlie - I did my best to give a fair, impartial interview to Oliver and Mel.
RosyCheeks - Welcome back. I think I hit a homer with this one.
salmandar - No offense, but if you have to ask what the point is, then there's no need for me to explain it to you.
Caroline Hagood - Oh yes I did.
Steve Blevins - I average about one a year.
Jeanette DeMain - "Speechless" is a compliment from my perspective.
Stone's perhaps clumsily stated points would seem to be that:
1. Hitler is scapegoated as the sole force behind the carnage of WW2 while his sponsors get a free pass.
2. The Nazis killed more Russians than Jews.
3. The media is influenced by an inordinately powerful minority that promotes a skewed depiction of events in the Middle East and especially in Israel. Perhaps one can disagree, but would seem self-evident that special interests can shape public perceptions in innumerable ways in the US.
4. There is a right wing pro-Israel lobby has a large influence in both parties in American politics, and has for decades shifted foreign policy according to their wishes. Is this really in question? There are plenty of Jewish people who have said as much also.
Stone did err in saying that there is Jewish domination of the media. Even though Jewish Americans are vastly overrepresented in the higher ranks of mass media, he did not need to clumsily say what he did, and he later apologized for making the statement about Jewish domination of the media.
Considering Stone's pro-peace and anti-racist orientation, it would seem obvious that he was using "Jew" as shorthand for pro-Likud-Israeli-orientation. A mistake to be sure, but hardly evidence of Nazi sympathies.
To suggest that Oliver Stone has an affinity for Hitler when he has devoted nearly his entire career to confronting the violent excesses of Imperial militarism, is libelous and far more inflammatory counter-factual than anything Stone said.
The problem with wily willie's piece is the usual cheap ploy: anyone who speaks the truth about American Jews is branded anti-semite or Hitler or holocaust denier or self-hating Jew.
Helen Thomas was fired; Octavia Nasr the CNN reporter had to go; all because they annoyed the Jews.
Freedom of speech is only permitted as long as you are cursing the Muslims. Saying anything about Jews is off-limits.
I have been watching Jay Leno for some time; he's made fun of everyone: Bush, Obama, Ahmedinejad is a favourite of course; but do you think he would dare make fun of say Sharon or Nothing yahoo? He'd be out on his butt the next day.
The attack dogs are always on the ready; the JDL, Dershowitz etc etc.
Now what is anti-semitic if one were to say that Jews are 2% of the population, but 13% of the Senate, holding key positions on several commitees; that the House too has a disproportionate representation. That almost half of the neocons are Jews; that they are the chief instigators of wars; whether it be reporters ( remember that evil woman, Judith Miller ) or Senators; Lieberman etc.
Many a times, I have actually seen a panel ( you know the usual talking heads ) on CNN etc discussing the middle east and 5 out of the 6 are Jews and committed Zionists; that every now and then The U.S President, the Secretary of State go and visit AIPAC to assure them of their loyalty. That 80% of the U.S congress recieves money from the lobby. For what?
It may be a good idea if they change the Presidential inaugural oath to " respect and defend the constitution of the United States and Israel".
The only thing wrong that Oliver Stone did was to apologize. You don't apologize for speaking the truth. Helen Thomas did the same thing. Apologize. For what? Stand by your words and don't be bullied.
In fact what Oliver said was no different to what Nixon, a Republican President was saying way back in the 70's, in a phone talk with Billy Graham. It's all on Youtube.
And remember Jimmy Carter, how they've hounded him and demonized him ever since he wrote of the apartheid in Israel. An ex-President had his invite to speak at some Universities withdrawn because our powerful Jewish friends didn't want him there.
In India some guy named a restaurant "Hitler's Cross" and the furor was far more than the Feuhrer himself. He had to change it Cross Cafe.
Trudge 164 - You want sad. Check out the comments by Will Burden and salmandar.
old new lefty - I doubt Mel Brooks and Mel Gibson will be working together any time soon.
DeliaBlack - I'm Jewish. I never pay retail.
Will Burden & Salamandar - I was waiting for you guys to crawl out of your bunker. A Jewish writer using a "cheap ploy?" Was that a Freudian slip? That crazy bastard Freud was another Jew who I wish was never born. Lets do lunch. You guys like "Jew" food?
Bunker? Wait is that a nazi reference? Nice. My take was not the same as Salamandar's. I don't think that there is anything one could or should say negative about "American Jews" as some sort of monolithic entity, and that that is where Stone was in error with his phrasing.
I do, however, think that to the extent that individual American Jews reflexively defend the policies of Israel with evident, blinding ethnic nationalism, it is problematic. It is problematic when anyone allows any prejudice to preempt critical thought about political issues.
But I would never lump all American Jews into one group and I never did so. In fact, I have heard many Jewish American people make much more intemperate and sweeping statement about American Jewry than I ever would.
The fact that you are quick to imply that I am a Nazi says much more about you than me, I am afraid. Just as your equating Oliver Stone with Mel Gibson says much about your abilities of discernment.
How strange and sad that ethnic nationalism, so long the bane of Jewish existence, has become a cudgel wielded so clumsily by the predictably reflexive Pro-Israel segments of the population. Not that I expect littlewillie to grasp the tragic irony here.
Here's what a former Israeli Minister had to say:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUGVPBO9_cA
I used the words "cheap ploy", the Israeli Minister uses the word "trick". And she also makes reference to the strength and power of the Jews in America and how this is used to do what they do to the Palestinians.
I doubt very much if she'll be invited to an AIPAC meeting any time soon.
Just wondering if you would call her a Nazi too?
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You know what that is? A slow ship to China? A Klingon battle cruiser? Who the hell knows!!!!! But it means something, something big, and you know what, I don't think that alwdldfdf knows what the hell it is either!!!!!
But here's something for you think about ---
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Somebody just blew up the Klingon Battle Cruiser and there will be hell to pay!! Do you think Mel Gibson will give two craps about it? Hell no, he's all "F*CK YOU CAT, STAR TREK REFERENCES ARE OLD, KNOCK IT OFF...." and I say to him, "Yeah, you're probably right!!! Nobody gets Star Trek references anymore!!!"
God damn Time passing me by!!!! I am boycotting you my friend, because you made me think about the time I wasted when I could have been watching television, and I'll continue my boycott until the Golden Girls marathon is over at 12:26 am tomorrow.
Yeah, you should be sad, you dirty little son of a hot dog vendor!!!! Good day, I said, and may you have a better tomorrow.
Your friend,
Admiral Tinkerer R. Tink of the Federation Starship Pegasus at www.goph3r.com/startrek4ever
Rated
Hope the TLJones quote is made up.