Donald Duck and his employer, the Disney Corporation, are being sued in civil court for damages in excess of fifty thousand dollars by a twenty seven year old woman from Upper Darby, Pennsylvania who alleges that she was groped and molested by Donald Duck at Disney World in 2008.
April Magolon claims that as a result of the groping/molestation, she now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, cold sweats, severe physical injury, insomnia, flashbacks, acute anxiety, digestive problems, and a fear of sports team mascots and oversized stuffed animals.
A statement by Donald Duck reads as follows: "I never groped nobody. I get plenty from my lady, Daisy Duck. How does she know it wasn't Daffy Duck or my retarded cousin, Dizzy Duck. She thinks all ducks look the same. That's species profiling."
Unfortunately for Disney, this is not the first time that one of their cartoon characters was involved in a scandal or ran afoul of the law. Who can forget when the Little Mermaid made that porno film with the Seven Dwarves, "Little Titty Bang Bang." Or how about when Alice in Wonderland got busted for dealing LSD. Nobody in Hollywood was surprised when Pinocchio did three years for perjury. The gossip rags went crazy when Belle the Beauty divorced the Beast when she caught him sleeping with Sleeping Beauty.
"We were just cuddling." Yea right, Beast. Stop hanging out with Jesse James and Tiger Woods. Then we might believe you.
My guess is that the behemoth Disney Corporation will settle out of court with April Magolon, and this latest cartoon scandal will be quickly forgotten until someone like Winnie the Pooh falls off the wagon and gets sentenced to court ordered rehab.
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rosalind warren
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Comments
Steve Blevins - I lost my copy of "Little Titty Bang Bang." Can I borrow yours?
Duane Gundrum - The Muppets were supposed to be part of OJ's alibi. Kermit took the fall. He ain't no rat, he's a frog.
lemonpulp - Chuckling is good for your health. Yodeling disturbs the neighbors.
Fay Paxton - Thank you Fay. I promise to stay sick as long as I stay funny.
-R-
donald was off that day.
he was replaced by the never seen 8th dwarf sleazy.
Did you know they banned Looney Tunes, yes the old ones from most US channels? Too violent, they say.
I get to watch them on Canadian TV in the summer.
Hmm is this why the Disney Winne the Pooh or was it Tigger got out of control last year at Disneyworld?
Little Willie, we need more of these articles..
I am serious..:) Out the buggers.
Love ya and rated with hugs
Libmomrn - Winnie the Pooh had a two jar a day honey habit. Tigger was hooked on speed.
LadyMiko - Disney doesn't care about Bugs Bunny getting busted. He belongs to Warner Brothers.
wschanz - I always wondered if there was an alternate eighth dwarf in case one of the seven called in sick with a hangover.
Bernadine Spitzsnogel - I think that Minnie left Mickey for a younger mouse. Steamboat Willy was Mickey Mouse's original name.
Cranky Cuss - If you really want to go homicidal/suicidal, try watching ten consecutive episodes of "Barney."
Linda S. - Tigger is a tweaker. Banning Loony Tunes is absurd. I watched a lot of Loony Tunes when I was a kid and look how I turned out.
147qb - that banana salesman was my grandfather.
DeliaBlack - The Disney Juggernaut will not be affected by a measly fifty thousand dollar lawsuit.
my aunt sylvia was molested by none other than Mr. Disney
himself, back in the 1940's. She was enticed by his claim that
he would create a cartoon character after her: Sylvia the Skylark,
with a gregarious (muted) sexuality and love of underage boys
as exhibited by her cartoon companion, Adonis the anteater.
He had , let us say, a bevy of beautiful boys in the California
bars back then, pre-disney world, pre-matterhorn, etc,
enticing young ingenues like sylvia to engage in three ways,
which he commisioned norman rockwell to capture in sketches.
dont get me started on that fucker...
courage!
my aunt sylvia was molested by none other than Mr. Disney
himself, back in the 1940's. She was enticed by his claim that
he would create a cartoon character after her: Sylvia the Skylark,
with a gregarious (muted) sexuality and love of underage boys
as exhibited by her cartoon companion, Adonis the anteater.
He had , let us say, a bevy of beautiful boys in the California
bars back then, pre-disney world, pre-matterhorn, etc,
enticing young ingenues like sylvia to engage in three ways,
which he commisioned norman rockwell to capture in sketches.
dont get me started on that fucker...
courage!
my aunt sylvia was molested by none other than Mr. Disney
himself, back in the 1940's. She was enticed by his claim that
he would create a cartoon character after her: Sylvia the Skylark,
with a gregarious (muted) sexuality and love of underage boys
as exhibited by her cartoon companion, Adonis the anteater.
He had , let us say, a bevy of beautiful boys in the California
bars back then, pre-disney world, pre-matterhorn, etc,
enticing young ingenues like sylvia to engage in three ways,
which he commisioned norman rockwell to capture in sketches.
dont get me started on that fucker...
courage!
@ April: Where's the gratitude? {{{R}}}
OEsheepdog - Yes sir. It could have been Howard the Duck. Like Donald said, he is the victim of species profiling.