Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, an invasive species of killer shrimp, "Dikerogammarus Villoscus" (which happens to be the same name as my belly dance instructor), has been found in a Cambridgeshire reservoir. These are not your typical invertebrates, like Senator Harry Reid, for example. These are big shrimp, growing up to 30 millimeters (a tad longer than my tallywhacker), with a bad attitude.
Dikerogammurus Villoscus dominate their habitat, causing the extinction of native species. Kind of like what homo sapiens do when they move to a new habitat. The British government is concerned that this beasty shrimp will kill all the British shrimp and possibly eat a Koran.
The Royal Navy and The Spice Girls have been put on full alert. All types of security measures are being implemented. Huge quantities of cocktail sauce have been stockpiled and made available at a reduced price to the general public. Half off coupons to Red Lobster and Arthur Treachers have been widely distributed.
Killer Shrimp hysteria has resulted in several attacks against people that look like shrimp. The prime minister has strongly condemned hate crimes directed at gypsy crustaceans.
A press release by Prime Minister David Cameron reads as follows:
"I am confident that the British people will rise to the occasion to defeat this foreign invader, even if it means eating nothing but Killer Shrimp for the duration of the war."
News Source: www.csmonitor.com/.../Killer-shrimp-assault-British-threaten-ecosystem