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"Mama Get The Hamma There's A Fly On The Baby's Head"


December 31
El Jefe
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Hobbies: Valet Parking, Disorderly Conduct, Amateur Acupuncture. Occupation: Boss of the Mexican Rug Cartel. Credit cards not accepted. Favorite Band: The Dry Humpers. Favorite Food: Hard Boiled Water. Favorite Book: Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. All original material written by Jeff Gross. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014, 2015.

Littlewillie's Links

OCTOBER 22, 2010 4:22PM

One Night Hand Stand

Rate: 27 Flag

Her name was Olga Vannacommover.  An accomplished gymnast, she was an alternate on the 1976 Soviet Olympic team.  Olga smiled and cheered wildly for her teammates as she silently wished that one of the little sluts would break an ankle.

At seventeen, Olga's breasts became too large for competitive gymnastics, but just the right size for Janis Ian.   Like many former Soviet athletes she became a coach.  Life was good by Soviet standards.  Olga was married to a KGB agent.  They had a large apartment, a car that worked, and unlimited supplies of vodka.  Every Friday night her husband's KGB friends would come over to get drunk, play "Twister" and laugh about how many people they had tortured that week.

Just before Olga was about to upgrade to a higher ranking KGB agent, her husband dumped her for a younger gymnast.   Olga's life quickly went downhill, and she yearned for a fresh start in the United States of America.  She signed up with a "Russian Mail Order Bride" Agency and Olga soon found herself the seventh bride of a member of the Church of the Latter Day New Orleans Saints.

Her prowess in the bedroom soon propelled Olga all the way up to second-string wife.  The Mormon bitches were jealous and they accused her of being a Socialist, a Muslim, and a Hawaiian.  Olga fled the polygamist compound and established a new identity.  She became a gymnastics coach again which is where our paths would finally meet.

My ex-wife had enrolled my seven year old daughter in gymnastic class and Olga was her coach.  I couldn't help but notice how well she still filled a leotard.  Olga complimented me on how nice I looked in purple leggings and a yellow trenchcoat.  Sparks began to fly especially after Olga found out that I was a divorced, American citizen.

A dinner date was set at Olga's bachelorette pad.  I brought a keg of beer, a case of KY Jelly, and a dozen avocados.

Olga's apartment was filled with her trophies and medals.  Her large bedroom did not contain a bed, only gymnastics equipment such as parallel bars, balance beam, pommel horse, and a vault.

"I hope you are flexible," were Olga's first words as she tossed me into the bedroom.

I landed on the pommel horse and Olga then landed on top of me.

"I want to ride you like a Siberian Yak," she whispered loudly in my ear.

"I didn't know that there were Yaks in Siberia."

"Shut up and commence intercourse relations!!!"

I don't remember much after that.  The EMT told me not to move as we sped in the ambulance to the nearest hospital.




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Every now and then, I NEED to write something like this. It probably keeps me out of jail.
Since Ukranian girls knock you out and I have just seen millions of them, this really hit my funnybone. Hope you are healed, LW. Riding a pommel horse can hurt, I know.
Sounds like you had the time of your life. If you're made of silly puddy like Mr. Bill!
Ah. I see you met one of my gymnastics coaches. I like your idea of dinner date stuff.
Lea Lane - I'm ready for another ride on the pommel horse.

Scanner - "Mr. Bill." Thanks for the SNL flashback.
She was one hell of a sister wife.... and this made me laugh.
rated with hugs
Olga may have you given you a few bruises and fractured bones, but she sure didn't do any harm to your funny bone. Very funny, but a trifle nutso. How do you come up with this stuff?
Silly willie. Funny silly willie. Even when you write like this, I am laughing. Even if you went to jail I'd probably be laughing. Maybe it's not you -- maybe I just laugh. No. It's you. You remind me of Mad Magazine.
"she yearned for a fresh start in the United States of America"

Where she probably could in fact upgrade KGB agents found working for the FBI

This is a good one Willie. Enjoyed it.
I loved this! It's not so flithy that I'm repulsed, but just enough to make me want to read more.
Was it on account of your name?
What score did she give you? Monkey bars or rings?
Eva T. Made Vaudeville - The dismount almost killed me and I would have died with a smile on my face.

Linda S. - Don't mess with no Ukrainian Mormon gymnasts.

john blumenthal - I don't know how I think of this stuff. It builds up
in my mind and if I don't write it down, bad things happen to innocent bystanders.

cleotheo - Face it Cleo. You are in love with me.

kateasley - my pension is not very well endowed.

Boomer Bob - Former KGB guys probably work for the CIA or the New York Yankees.

Anna Voy - I ride the fine line between repulsion and revoltsion.
I got nothing to say just a big smile on my face..
"Purple leggings and a trenchcoat..." My kind of guy for sure.
Avocadoes? Very classy.
Pummeled on the pommel?

I am really intrigued by the purple leggings and trenchcoat!
I guess that is for easy entry on the pummel horse! R
Pommel horse! I sure have had many typos today!
Owl_Says_Who - Olga said that she could stretch a little willie.

Oryoki Bowl - The important part is that I scored, not the score.

Lunchlady 2 - Keep smiling.

BuffyW - Most women cannot resist the purple leggings, yellow trenchcoat combo.

Alysa Salzberg - The avocados disappeared and I'm afraid to find out where they went.

Leepin Larry - So you've been with Olga?

Libmomrn - I don't follow fashion. I'm a fashion maverick.
As someone who wears purple leggings and yellow trenchcoats, I find your stereotyping though accurat quite offensive. :) r
Trudge164 - We need to hit the bars in our purple leggings and yellow trench coats. There's a good chance we may attract the wrong type of attention.
I've been gone from open salon for nearly a year and return to find you as endearing as ever....thank goodness some things never change!
rice paddie - I thought we had lost you to the dark side. Welcome back!
Omg, Willie. You are nuts.~r
Joan H. - Calling me "nuts" will only encourage more nuttiness.
Hope you're out of jail, now.
Amour expose -- you've hit the nail on the head -- I am in love with you and all the men on this site who make me laugh or think or do both those things. I am so unused to being around men with brains, I am in the gluttony period of loving you all. I'll get over it. But I'll still laugh if you just write on, dear willikins. Write on anything, but write on.
Bellwether Vance - I have a good lawyer who usually keeps me out of jail.

cleotheo - I will send a message to cleo and theo when I write another post.
I will finally--and humiliatingly--admit to being jealous of Olga.
Aw Willie.........I can always count on you for a good laugh. What kind of head comes up with this sort of thing ? I guess the Siberian Yak kind. Thanks so much for geting my day off to a good laughing start. Something is going on wit OS as it won't let me go back to corrrect typos....see ? no disrespect intended...........rated
DeliaBlack - I just can't help having fantasies about Soviet gymnasts, Turkish bellboys and Norwegian salmon.

RosyCheeks - Don't worry about typos. It's the pyros and the spoiled gyros that you have to watch out for.
Willie, I don't know what to say to you. I just wonder how the circuits in your brain are arranged. How do you conjure up all this insanity? You're a hoot!
Fay Paxton - Sometimes I also wonder about how the circuits in my brain are arranged. I'm going to donate my brain to a medical school or bowling alley.
yes "intercourse relations" can certainly be dangerous fare
Vannacomover, indeed...Any sex that lands anybody in an ambulance either OUGHT to end with someone going to jail (not you, necessarily) or it ought to be written about...Glad you chose the latter. R
hahah sweet Universe finally I understand some English humor...
hahahah thaaaaaaaank youuuuu hahahah
Loved it
Mary Ann Sorrentino - The sexual misadventures of Little Willie are purely fictional, and no gymnasts were molested during my research for this post.

Mauricio Betancourt - Thank you kind Sir, and congratulations on your Editor's Pick.

Caroline Hagood - A ride in a NYC taxi is more dangerous "fare" than intercourse relations.