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"Mama Get The Hamma There's A Fly On The Baby's Head"


December 31
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Hobbies: Valet Parking, Disorderly Conduct, Amateur Acupuncture. Occupation: Boss of the Mexican Rug Cartel. Credit cards not accepted. Favorite Band: The Dry Humpers. Favorite Food: Hard Boiled Water. Favorite Book: Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. All original material written by Jeff Gross. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014, 2015.

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NOVEMBER 24, 2010 4:18PM

Revenge of the Turkeys - The Day After Thanksgiving

Rate: 25 Flag

Jules and Vincent took it all in.  They watched the humans engage in the annual ritual of stuffing their faces full of the flesh of dead turkey.  Soon the bloated humans would get drowsy and fall asleep, oblivious to the football game blaring from the flat screen.

Jules and Vincent were wild turkeys.  They could fly and were smarter than their flightless and clueless domesticated cousins.  

It only took a minute to tie up the sleeping humans.  Too much food and alcohol had rendered them helpless.  The wild turkeys pulled the shades and collected all the cell phones.

"Hey Jules.  Check it out.  A Droid."

"Fuck the phone, Vincent.  We need to take care of business like Marsellus said."

"What exactly did Marsellus say to do?"

"He said we should get medieval on their hillbilly asses."

One of the humans began to wake up.  He noticed that he and all of his holiday guests were tied up.

"What the hell is going on here?  Who tied us up?  What kind of sick joke is this?

"This ain't no joke, motherfucker," said Jules as he stared coldy at him.

"Turkeys can't talk.  I must have had too much to drink.  Turkeys can't talk. Turkeys can't talk.  This is crazy.  Turkeys can'..."

Jules pulled out his favorite gun, a magnum with a silencer.

"Say it one more time that turkeys can't talk, motherfucker.  Go ahead say it.  I dare you.  I double dare you.  What can't turkeys do?"


"What can't turkeys do?"  Jules moved closer with the gun.

"Wha... I da...

"Speak English, motherfucker.  Can you speak English?  Well, so can we."

"Take whatever you want.  There's money and jewelery upstairs."

"How many turkeys have you seen wearing jewelery, dumb ass?  What else you got?

"I've got a little bit of marijuana and cocaine in the upstairs closet."

"Vincent.  Go upstairs and get the weed.  Leave the coke."

"But Jules.  I promise not to use it all at once."

"I told you Vincent.  I can't have no crackhead  for a partner.  Crackheads ain't reliable.  They make mistakes and we can't afford no mistakes in our line of work."

Some of the other guests began to wake up.  Vincent and Jules decided it was time to do the deed and leave.

"Listen up.  I hate to repeat myself.  It gets me aggravated and prone to intermittent fits of gratuitous violence.  This is the last time that any of you motherfuckers is going to eat turkey.  We need to be crystal clear on that.  Next Thanksgiving you can make one of those stupid ass tofu turkeys or go out for chinese food.  My partner and I will be watching all your asses every fucking year."

Jules untied the first human that had woken up.  

"You untie the rest of these sorry ass motherfuckers.  Vincent.  Give him back the cellphones."

"Can I keep the Droid?"

"Fuck the phone.  We outta here."

Vincent and Jules fly out the window as the stunned humans  sit in silence.



Pulp Fiction, Miramax Films, Quentin Tarantino, Roger Avary, Copyright 1994


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This is the story of Thanksgiving if it had been written by Quentin Tarantino.
ahhh littlewillie.. I can always count on you to get my day going in the right direction.:)
rated with hugs and HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Awesome... a Tarantino Thanksgiving... pass the stuffing, mother fucker.
Linda S. - Huggy bear right back at you.

Chuck A. Stetson - You better not be using that stuffing to stuff a Turkey. The Wild Turkeys are watching.
Needs more violence. (Funny piece!)
This will be the biggest Thanksgiving weekend blockbuster of all!
go out for chinese food - but don't eat the duck motherfucker!!! He ain't heavy, but he's my brother.
I feel jealous, you started your Thanksgiving drinking before I did. So, is Jules single?
Aw Willie,
You never let us down........I was feeling grumpy till I read this so I have to thank you a lot. Dare I say it ? Happy Thanksgiving or whatever. rated
Well of course Turkeys love the weed. It explains why everyone thinks they're stupid.
This explains why Ben Franklin wanted to make turkeys the National Bird. They are tough! (and smoke weed!)
John Blumenthal - More violence would have brought the turkeys down to the same level as the humans.

Eva T. Made Vaudeville - "A Tarantino Thanksgiving Tale" belongs on the Hallmark channel.

Boomer Bob - Peking Duck make big poop in your pool.

L'heure Bleue - I don't drink but I do take a lot of colorful pills.

Rosycheeks - Holidays can bring out the grumpiness. I don't like advertisers and retailers telling me when to feel happy or grateful.

Bellwether Vance - Wild Turkeys are a lot of fun to hang out with after a couple of joints.

madhuri - Ben Franklin liked to party. "Hey everybody. Let's go outside and fly this kite. What lightning?"
Those turkeys are tough. But you should the turkey-vultures in my town. R
What colour were the birds (mr brown and mr fawn)?
The stupid thing was, I kept reading. hahaha
R for couldn't put it down
omg, you're not going to believe this -- get a load of chuck stetson's turkeys -- Tarantino Mr Pink, Mr Purple, Mr White -- for real
"He said we should get medieval on their hillbilly asses."

This is a credo I live by.
just one thing, Turkeys can't fly. Great one.
I love how you turned the tables here. rated
Trudge164 - Jules and Vincent are professional assassins. "We ain't scared of no jive ass turkey vultures."

cleotheo - thanks for the "Reservoir Dogs" reference. I did read Chuck's post with the picture of the psychedelic turkeys.

iamsurly - So good to hear from you again, girlfriend.

bobbot - Wild turkeys are capable of flight.

Caroline Hagood - Thank you for the compliment.
Hilarious and interesting. Very creative.
Little Willie is my hero! A Pulp Fiction Thanksgiving--nothing better.
kateasley - I was hiding in the bathroom the whole time.

Bonnie Russell - Thanks for the kind comment.

Bernadine Spitzsnogel - I try to be creative and funny on all my posts. I guess I succeeded this time.

Dr. Spudman44 - I'm working on a "Pulp Fiction" Christmas.
Very funny. I'm with the turkeys (even though I ate some).
This was funny, but I am upset that the turkey didn't recite any scripture and then shoot someone.
Lea Lane - Next Thanksgiving be careful. Jules and Vincent will be watching.

DeliaBlack - I'm short on scripture and low on bullets.
Well I'm convinced.
I believed every word.
No turkey for me next Thanksgiving!
Well done (the piece, not the turkey.)
Hola there you Willie... Remember you gave me an A+ once?
I´ve got to give you and Excelent +... this was just hillarious.. I love Tarantino ... I keep seeing Julies and Vincent made from plasticine like they did with the "Chicken Run" movie... remember? This was a great post...
Rated for awesome...
They only wanted the grass.:HeHeHe:D
tg within - one day, and I won't live to see it, weed will be as prevalent as turkey at Thanksgiving gatherings.

Steve Katz - You are wise to heed the warning of the killer turkeys, Jules and Vincent.

Mauricio Betancourt - Thank you for appreciating my humor.
Congratulations LW on the EP.

This one should be worth double, sitting on the Cover for 4 days.

Leepin Larry - This one almost makes up for all the EP's I should have got.

Robin Sneed - xox
Funny and disturbing. Just the way Thanksgiving stories should be.~r
XJS AND ME - Thanks for the link to the funny cartoon

Joan H. - Many people I know dread Thanksgiving. Why do we keep doing it?
I KNEW that turkey was talking to me. Son of a bitch!
angel triggs - People need to LISTEN more to each other and also to wild turkeys.
That is so true. I think we've all learned a little something here today.
littlewillie(who the hell would admit THAT?lol) host thanksgiving for the salon crowd
Click on

XJS AND ME - Pregnant turkey!!! That's a great practical joke.