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Hobbies: Valet Parking, Disorderly Conduct, Amateur Acupuncture. Occupation: Boss of the Mexican Rug Cartel. Credit cards not accepted. Favorite Band: The Dry Humpers. Favorite Food: Hard Boiled Water. Favorite Book: Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. All original material written by Jeff Gross. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014, 2015.

Littlewillie's Links

JUNE 2, 2011 12:17PM

Save Lives And Money! Adopt A Pe(s)t

Rate: 14 Flag

The recession has taken a terrible toll on almost everything, including our nation's pet population.  Thousands of pet owners have been forced to give up their beloved pets because they can no longer afford to care for them.

As a public service, I have come up with a free alternative to pet ownership for those who miss the companionship of a pet.  All you need to do is open your eyes, along with a few windows and doors.  Why go to a pet store and spend money on gerbils or hamsters when there are so many stray mice in dire need of a home.  Soon your new pe(s)ts will race inside to greet you - moths, ants, spiders, flies, will joyfully fill your house or apartment.  Never again have to worry  about having enough money for pet food or the cash for a vet visit.

The spiders will eat the moths and flies, and the ants will eat whatever is left (including you if you are not careful).  For those who are pro choice, make sure you have enough insect condoms to inhibit overpopulation. 

Most people have no idea how affectionate insects can be.  They love to crawl all over your body.  They forgive and keep coming back even if you yell curses at them or accidentally step on their mother.   This is the kind of unconditional love that people who are not allergic to bug bites yearn for.

You don't need to  despair anymore about having to live without a pet.  Take a chance, open your heart, and adopt a pe(s)t.  You'll be glad that you did.

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I will post pictures of one of my curly-haired spiders, Freddie.
Ty, Willie. Ever since I took your advice, I have not had to flush the toilet: I adopted dung beetles. R
Good Lord Willie: I knew this would not be serious.
You had better hope Another Steve does not see this hahhaa
rated with hugs
Trudge164 - Dung beetles are a great choice for a pe(s)t. I knew you were a great insectarian.

Linda S. - My favorite "Steve" is Dr. Steve Blevins. I hope he comes back to OS one day.
Very funny, but as I'm travelling light I'll leave those bugs for others.

Plenty of pampered pooches here in San Diego...some no bigger than bugs.
Linda Cooper - Good to hear from you, Linda. I love dogs, but I'm not a fan of pocket pooches.
HAHAHAHAH you're so nuts! I'm giggling like a coo coo over here.

I like to gather them up, my assorted new friends and tiny pets using a superpowerful vacuum cleaner. then I watch as they have fun inside, whirling around and around. and around.
My pet is the neighbor's dog who regularly shits on my lawn. Funny piece.
Foolish Monkey - My pe(s)ts are very scared of the vacuum. One day the ants got together, picked up the vacuum and threw it out the window.

John Blumenthal - You need to get some of those pet dung beetles that Trudge has. The dung beetles will enthusiastically dispose of the lawn "gifts" left by your neighbor's hound.
No, thanks. I already have a houseful of pe(s)ts: a badly trained white poodle and a wayward black cat :D.
Miguela Holt y Roybal - Yes. Sometimes there's a fine line between a pet and a pest.
If you adopt a shelter dog (or any dog, really...or a cat...any cat) you can also adopt and rescue hundreds of free fleas!! I like to think of the welts on my ankles as "love bites."
Bellwether Vance - You make a very good point. One can simultaneously adopt a pet and a pest by picking out a cute, flea-infested mutt or kitty from a shelter.
willie, i'm gonna pass on adopting any of the friendly little creatures you so lovingly describe. but i'd like to invest in the company that manufactures the teeny tiny condoms. sounds like the next big, ahem, thing.
Candace Mann - I use the custom-made teeny tiny condoms for my pe(s)ts and personal use.
We got a stink bug at the pest shelter last weekend. Poor little guy, they were about to step on him.

Con Chapman - Bless you for adopting a stink bug. According to my local shelter they are extremely hard to place.
How do you feel about lice? Have you scratched them off your list?
DeliaBlack - Lice scratched off my list...Ha! You know that I am currently involved in a relationship with an albino bed bug.
I just took my three cats to the vet for their annual check up. Now I'm broke! The moths, spiders and ants that co-habit here in this old house are freeloaders!
Scarlett Sumac - I wrote this post as a piece of satire, but underneath the humor lurks the cruel reality that traditional pet ownership is becoming too expensive for middle class Americans.
You weirdo. LOL. Rated.
angel triggs - I don't mind being called "weird" as long as the weirdness is also funny, not just weird.
Little willie, you look alarmingly like my big brother Paul.
Haven't heard from the sob in 5 yrs.
He used to keep a snake as a kid.

I had to give up the love of my life, my gal Mae,
a fine black furball of a born princess, a feline...
she went to a great place and i can still visit her.

i miss keeping animals.
daddy long legs i like. ladybugs too. bumblebees.
i keep my window open in anticipation of some fine little fella
or gal to come in & adopt me.
James M. Emmerling - I am not surprised to find out that you have an affinity for felines. For me, dogs are the best company, paws down.
"This is the kind of unconditional love that people who are not allergic to bug bites yearn for."

Launched me into a paroxysm of giggles.
Monsieur Chariot - Merci beaucoup.
I'm sure my little terrier agrees with you as she really likes to eat bugs way more than pet food. What a good idea !
And if you know how to package it, you can also turn it into cash - why go to an exotic pet store to buy a scorpion when you can get one from my living room for mere pennies!? I breed them in my chimney.