In a desperate effort not to upstage or overshadow each other, the families of Michael Jackson and Ted Kennedy have tentatively agreed to combine forces for a gala double funeral.

"We refuse to allow this bloated, has-been, politician to take the limelight away from one of the great media events of… Read full post »

According to a new study from the University of Massachusetts, approximately 90% of United States currency has traces of cocaine residue.  Those one dollar bills that you are carrying may be worth a lot more than the face value of the greenback.

Guys, keep that fact in mind the next time… Read full post »

"So you know a guy who knows a guy who delivered a pizza to Nancy Sinatra's house?  You are so full of shit!"

"I shit thee not, mon frere Wolfbanger."

"I hate it when you start talking Australian.  What's his name?"

"Ronnie Barnes."

"Ronnie the burnout Barnes?  He can't even remember… Read full post »

True crime connoisseurs are familiar with the date, December 8, 1963, as this is the day that nineteen year old Frank Sinatra, Jr. was abducted and held for ransom.  The three perps were amateur kidnappers, and even though Frank Jr. was returned unharmed, the kidnappers were lucky they… Read full post »

"It is time for you to stop all of your {twittering}

Yes it's time for you stop all of your {twittering}

Gotta stop {twittering} now

Yeah, Stop it, Stop it

Gotta stop {twittering} now

Copyright Ray Davies, The Kinks (Stop Your Sobbing)

Recently hackers disrupted Twitter's website, disrupting service… Read full post »

                                                  &… Read full post »

Stop the presses!  The government has finally done something right for a change.  Car dealerships are suddenly filled with potential buyers looking to trade in their old gas guzzlers for a credit of up to $4,500.00 toward the purchase of a new, more fuel efficient, vehicle.

For the struggli… Read full post »

"International playboy".  "Black market pistachio smuggler".  "Scumbag extraordinaire".

These were all names that I was known by as I travelled the world breaking hearts and antique lighting fixtures.

I was a fugitive, being pursued by the police, the IRS, and Danny Bonaduce.

I was a n… Read full post »

"I lived a happy life up until that night.  Happy for a gerbil, at least.  I had a really cool habitrail, an exercise machine, plenty of food and water, and humans who would take me out of my cage and play with me."

"Well, there was that one time when they… Read full post »

Dear Howie,

I was dropped off here two weeks ago thinking that I was just depressed.  Now, I have been diagnosed as an obsessive/compulsive, tripolar, codependent, sexual anorexic, sneaker sniffer.  Yes, it was finally time to reveal my fetish with the sweet, pungent aroma of sweaty sneaker… Read full post »

If I read all of the possible side effects associated with the medications I take, I probably would stop taking them.  I know what happens when I go off my meds, and trust me on this, taking the damn drugs is the lesser of the two evils.

Most of my side… Read full post »

In a survey taken by a group of people with way too much time on their hands, New York City drivers, compared to twenty-four other metro areas, were crowned the angriest, rudest drivers in the country.  Miami took top honors last year, which really fucking pissed me off.

Some of the… Read full post »

The trick with relationships is to always let the other person think they  are the one in control.  I wanted to breakup with Susan, but I needed her to be the one to do it.  Let her believe that she dumped me.  So what.  I know the fucking score.

Complications.  Sus… Read full post »

Marty was a "townie."  Marty drove a shuttle bus from the Binghamton University campus to a local route where many students lived off campus.  Most of the students ignored Marty even though he was about the same age as us.  I was Marty's best friend.

"What's up Mike", said Marty cheerf… Read full post »

The fictional character, "Forrest Gump", is the only person stupid enough to run across the country just because he felt like running.  Many others before and after Forrest Gump, have walked, ran, rode on bikes, and even wheelchaired across America.  The main difference between Forrest Gump… Read full post »

I've never tasted ants, not even the chocolate-covered ones, so why would I wish that I was born an anteater?

The answer in one word - "INSTINCT".

What's so great about "instinct"?

Well as long as you asked, I'll tell you.

From the very second they are born, anteaters instinctively kno… Read full post »

The flyer was ripped and wet.  "Mixed Martial Arts &" ... The bottom clearly stated, "Free Introductory Class".

I had seen some MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fights on cable.  Anything goes except for Head Butts, Biting, Hair Pulling, and Pinching (The Dreaded Purple Nurple).

My st… Read full post »

Call it road rage.  Call it whatever the hell you want.  The bitch had it coming.

She, with that kool, monotone, cock teasing, GPS narrator voice.  Always telling me what to do.

"Turn left at the light.  Exit in two miles.  Suck on my clit".

I don't need you anymore.  I… Read full post »

^{U can diss my ride}

U haul rents truck

U can talk shit about me

U Hoo iza bevRAGE

U can tell me, F, U, Can

U can call me AfriCan

U can spill my beer

U can wear my brazear

U can steal my cash

U can smoke my stash

U can drink… Read full post »