Lately it seems that everything I have to say on Open Salon has to do with my family’s struggle with raising a son with Asperger’s Syndrome.  After a fabulous weekend with our own Pretend Farmer that included an inspired evening with the one and only Bob Eckstein, it finally came to me what I missed the most about being away from Open Salon:  having something to LiveBlog.

And over dinner at one of the finest spas on the east coast, it occurred to me exactly what needed liveblogging:  the upcoming season of Top Chef, called Top Chef Masters, which premieres June 10^th.

I have to admit, Top Chef is my greatest reality TV addiction.  I have informed my friends that if I ever appear on a reality TV show that it is my sincere hope they will have the decency to shoot me or at the very least, beat me until I come to my senses.  I rail against the fact that reality TV has resulted in a dearth of quality dramatic television.  I like to think that I am an intelligent individual with more refined tastes than the average person (don’t we all like to think such things about ourselves?), but when Little Man is asleep and the door is shut and I am alone in front of my television I will admit it – I like watching reality TV.

I watch most of the “Real Housewives” series, I am ashamed to admit.  To me it is rather like gawking at the hippos at the National Zoo.  The glitz, the infighting, the psychotic behavior that is only possible when one is an extreme narcissist, I find it fascinating. I tuned in to the season premiere of “Jon and Kate Plus 8” because I am just curious enough about all the whispers and rumors and tabloid sleaze to see what’s going to happen.  I love the formulaic makeover shows like “What Not to Wear” and “Trading Spaces” and “Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares” and “The Dog Whisperer,” because they offer the comforting message that improvement is merely a matter of spending a couple of days getting the help of the right expert. The geek in me loves “Who Wants to Be a Superhero?” I can’t even begin to explain that one.

But it’s the mano-a-mano culinary throwdown that is “Top Chef” that really excites me.  It’s my crack, my kryptonite, my guilty pleasure.  For those of us raised in a culture where food is love, Top Chef is like porn. Food porn. It is the apex of reality TV, because the “cheftestants” are all skilled at their craft.  This is not watching average joes attempt feats that are beyond their ken a la “Survivor” or “Dancing with the Stars” or (gasp!) “America’s Got Talent.”  There is no shadenfreude style pleasure at the demise of people whose opinion of themselves vastly exceeds any actual talent they possess.  The pleasure derived from watching Top Chef is purely a matter of watching talented people compete in a in a contest that demands they bring their “A-game.”

Given that is why I love Top Chef, the Masters season promises to be everything I love about the show times seven. Bravo has promised to “bring out the big knives” by recruiting 24 of the nation’s most famous chefs to compete for charity.

The format of Masters will be slightly different than what we’re used to, probably because most of these culinary giants wouldn’t find it easy to leave their restaurants and businesses in order to participate in the show for twelve or more weeks.  Instead, for the first six weeks, four chefs will face off in both a “quickfire” challenge and a longer and more complex final challenge that results in one chef being named a winner and money being donated to his or her charity.  The last six weeks, the winners will come back and compete to see who is the Top Chef Master, receiving $100,000 for the charity of their choice.

The lineup of chefs includes many names that are familiar to Top Chef fans.  Wylie Dufresne, the famous pioneer of the “molecular gastronomy” technique espoused by Top Chef favorites like Richard Blais and Marcel Vigneron, is a contestant, as is Hubert Keller.  The attractive and affable New Orleans native John Besh has probably done just about every celebrity chef show there is, including judging the finals of season five, and does his part here as well. Chicago favorite and champion of authentic Mexican cuisine Rick Bayless is in the lineup, as is Oprah’s personal chef Art Smith, whose relationship with the “Big O” has resulted in a Chicago restaurant empire to be envied. Michael Chiarello, a Napa Valley favorite and the mind behind the “Napa Style” catalog, does his bit as well, joined by other Napa favorites like Cindy Pawlcyn and Elizabeth Falkner. There aren’t that many women in the lineup, something I find disappointing, given that there is a wealth of female talent out there in the restaurant world.

Presiding over this dream team lineup of contestants is Kelly Choi, who frankly is already annoying me for a couple of reasons – first off, it’s certainly become the cliché of these shows that the host should be a beautiful, leggy woman to provide some excitement and sexual tension. (This is the only reason to make Kelly Rowland the host of “The Fashion Show” Did no one SEE the costumes she wore as part of Destiny’s Child?) Choi’s oversized head topping her too-thin body – the “lollipop” look reminiscent of the Olson twins – I find it almost offensive in the context of a food program.

But having that “eating disorder chic” look isn’t the real problem.  Unlike her counterpart in regular Top Chef, Padma Lakshmi, Choi’s claim to fame is knowing what to eat, not how to cook it. There is an inherent issue with creating a competition between master chefs: who do you get to sit in judgment over them? Other chefs? Hardly. The producers have wisely approached nationally recognized food critics Gael Greene, Jay Rayner and James Oseland. Choi simply doesn’t seem to be in their class. Choi’s experience is mostly as host of a local New York restaurant program and a syndicated travel show about New York. How she’s going to hold her own amongst all the egos of the chefs and the expertise of the other panel judges is unclear. I’m giving her a chance, and hoping for the best, but I fear I am going to end up disappointed.

So tune into this blog Wednesday, June 10 at 10 p.m. for the first edition of “Iron Pundit vs. Iron Skillet” as I break it down, OS Liveblog style.  C’mon over and watch Top Chef Masters with all your OS friends.  I’ll be here….ready for some serious food and fun.