When I joined Open Salon last April I had already been unemployed since the previous August, when I was let go one Friday afternoon from a six figure position with a successful telecommunications company and Internet service provider here in San Francisco.

At the time, I had very little money in the bank, having already lost most of my savings and IRA investments being ahead of the curve with respect to pessimism about the state of the general economy. When you bet large in the stock and commodities markets, you better be able to afford to lose it all, or else have impeccable timing - but I'm not here to share with you my hard-earned wisdom about portfolio management.

My point is that, when I came to OS, I was already pretty fucking depressed. And I had a dim outlook because I'd spent the previous eight months dutifully trolling Monster.com and Craigslist, sending out literally hundreds of cover letters and resumes trying to land another six figure position to keep my family living in the kind of lifestyle to which we'd grown accustomed over the previous decade and a half here in one of the most expensive places on the planet.

So, when I got here, I was bummed and I had lots of time. I went through all of the stages of OS addiction in short order and found myself posting and commenting day and night - and my family began to feel as if they'd lost me to a virtual mistress.

I kept at the job hunting though, and even got so far as a third interview at Apple Computers, for a communications management position in the company's retail division. I would have been great at that job for a number of reasons having little to do with my appreciation for Apple products and my deep knowledge of the company's natural customer base.  But Apple, along with a small handful of other major corporations that looked my way for a moment, decided I was not who they were looking for.

Lucky me.

At one point, I was really diluting my beer with tears in a heart-to-heart session with a close friend and she helped me realize the Universe was telling me everything I needed to know about my next stage in Life and that if I'd just listen, I would understand that all the closing doors and the dead ends and the unanswered cries into the vast emptiness of an unknowing, uncaring world were signs that I was free to choose my own way, to create my own destiny, and to use my natural intelligence and abilities - and the knowledge gained from 49 years of hard living - to cut my own path through the dense thickets of fear and uncertainty that have enveloped the world in the past couple of years.

In a way, she helped my return to myself, because that's exactly what I'd done my entire life before geting suckered into the belief that security came from a paycheck and that if mine didn't have a fancy fucking corporate logo on it I was somehow missing the boat.

My big news is that I am now open for business. 

It turns out I am a licensed counselor of law in the state of California, and have been since 1985. I just never charged anyone for legal advice because I didn't need the money at the time and it kinda seemed like the wrong thing to do, all-in-all.

It also turns out that, as of today, I am a licensed Real Estate Broker in the state of California, able to assist anyone in obtaining financing for real estate purchases, refinancing for current real estate holdings, and able to assist anyone in the purchase or sale of California real estate.

Those two licenses and $3.75 will get me a Grande Mocha at Starbucks, but,  in addition to the meager pay I'm able to command as a freelance writer about computers and telecommuinication technology, I am now able to hold myself out as someone who can help people navigate the dreary, byzantine,  often treacherous realms of  contracts, finance and real property transactions.

With my good looks and charm it's only a matter of time before I'm rolling in the dough, I just know it.

And if you call before midnight tonight, and let me know you're a Member of Open Salon, I can give you access to my super-secret FREAKY rate card.