It is true, and let me say this from the outset, that I often find myself defending the most heinous men; “defending” may not be precisely the word for it, but in our culture there is a predisposition to vilify men for behavior we excuse in women, and this is especially true where criminal matters are concerned. As I see it, both the women who blame men for their own aberrant behavior, and the men who through mistaken chivalry accept that rationalization, infantilize women.

And the backlash this creates produces men such as Dimitri the Lover.

Certainly, it is not the only factor, and just as certainly I do not mean to imply that men like “Dimitri” are not as accountable for themselves as I protest any woman is. That being said, there is no point in giving such men any more than they are already, by their own admission, perfectly willing to take.

Who is “Dimitri the Lover”, you ask ? Ladies, watch the video, and tell me you have not met this man or someone who all too closely resembles him:

If that wasn’t informative enough, some more salient tips about “Dimitri”, aka James Sears, include these little gems from his website.  According to Mr. Sears:

"A man's 'basic operating system' is composed of 'rapist' and 'murderer' programs which have been hard-wired into his brain."

"The most promiscuous women are saleswomen (especially real estate agents), nannies, schoolteachers (especially elementary and early childhood education), nurses and lawyers (criminal and civil litigation in particular)."

Dimitri charges $40 to attend one of his weekday meetings, $269 for an annual membership to his "lair" and as much as $2,997 for a two-day workshop advertised on his website, dimitrithelover.com, where "Dimitri The Lover creates a powerful identity for you that women will find irresistible."

"Learn the secret physical, verbal and psychological techniques used by Dimitri the Lover to seduce, pleasure and sexually enslave women," says one of his program outlines.

Possibly, I am overreacting, but I hardly think so, as James Sears was relieved of his license to practice medicine in 1994 for an incident in which it was alleged he sexually assaulted a female patient; I seriously doubt it was all a big mistake and he was merely checking for appendectomy scars.

“Dimitri” and men like him are certainly accountable for their own behavior, just as women should be; but let’s face it, ladies, part of what gives these guys the impression we like being clubbed over the head and dragged into the nearest cave is our tendency to make poor choices when it comes to men. The average joe, the guy who doesn’t look or act like a rock star may not be quite as titillating a catch, but men like Dimitri have taken their cue from us. They have watched as time and again we’ve oohed and aahed over the “bad boy”, they've watched us throw ourselves at a man they know perfectly good and well thinks less of us than the dirt below his feet.

The rock star, the guy who seems so exciting inevitably ends up treating you no better than Dimitri, and to think you can change a man once you’ve landed him is as realistic as believing you can get blood from the proverbial turnip.

A good man may be hard to find, but much of what we get from one another, depends on what we’re looking for.