I want to be Leon Wieseltier.  No, let me revise that.  If I were to wake up tomorrow and realize I was Leon Wieseltier, I might have to kill myself.

The literary editor and Washington diarist for The New Republic has everything it takes to be The Belletrist of Our Times: big… Read full post »

Amidst last night’s extensive post-debate analysis, one item completely escaped observers’ attention.  I raise it now as a matter of public concern.

Joe Biden’s teeth.

Were they not the WHITEST damned choppers you’ve ever seen on a human being?  Let alone/… Read full post »

            Eating breakfast at the White House is a lot like eating at any fancy house, except the staff are all employed by the U.S. Navy and the paintings are almost exclusively of dead presidents and their wives.  The ones that aren&rsqu/… Read full post »

So my 7-year-old son came home the other day and said: “Papa, do you have a five-pack?”

            “You mean a six-pack?” I asked.

            “That&rs/… Read full post »

So my kid asks me for an orange soda.

An innocent request on the surface, and yet I feel nothing but fear and trembling and a sickness unto death.  What’s wrong with me?  Why do I want him NOT to have an orange soda?

And then I remember.

A… Read full post »

Actual scene that played out not long ago at the local Blockbuster.

SETH (7 years old, grabbing a DVD randomly from the shelf): Papa, what’s a Dahmer?

ME: Um … you know, Dahmer’s not a thing.  Exactly.

SETH: What is it?

ME: Actually, it’s a person.

[Pause]

SETH:… Read full post »