Amidst last night’s extensive post-debate analysis, one item completely escaped observers’ attention. I raise it now as a matter of public concern.
Joe Biden’s teeth.
Were they not the WHITEST damned choppers you’ve ever seen on a human being? Let alone on a 65-year-old man? Every time he flashed that conquistador grin, it was like some crazy geriatric Ultra Brite commercial. Take that, John McCain, with your crumbling yellow nubs!
I spent less time listening to the debate, I'm afraid, than piecing together Biden’s beauty regimen. Crest White Strips? Peroxide rinses? Cyanide leaches?
And then I realized something. Biden was only smiling in those moments when he was really pissed at Sarah Palin. Cosmetics, in short, had nothing to do with it. His teeth were simply the outward projection of his white-hot inner core. He was lambent with rage.
I know how he felt, because every time Sarah Palin winked at me, I felt it, too.
But my teeth still didn't look that good.