Thursday night, sitting here watching re-runs of the Tudors...for some reason I felt compelled to sign in here which I have not done for such a long time. This Sunday will mark the 1yr anniversary of the death of "L". I logged in and started reading past posts and comments and… Read full post »

It has been 3mths since I have felt the need to write anything. I have been keeping quite busy with the new business. Kids are now back in school, and the summer sports have finally come to an end. Winter is on its way. I suppose there is lots I could… Read full post »

Well it has been 23 days since "L" passed on. A few times I started to write here and it all just seemed so pointless. I couln't post. Today is the day, today is the day I cried and good and still am. I grabbed a few glasses of wine and… Read full post »

When "L"'s brother called to come see her before they took her body to the funeral home, I could not go. Instead I went back to bed. I laid there for another 2hrs. My eyes closed off and on but there was no real sleep and still there was no tears.… Read full post »

"L"passed away this morning. She was not alone, her family surrounded her. I could not go back to the house. They called for me to come but I can't. I feel like I have the flu. My body shakes, Im freezing, I want to throw up. I cant cry yet, Im… Read full post »

I'm struggling to find a smile. I can't. I spent the day with "L". Her brother called me and told me if there was anything I wanted to say I should do it now. I went right over. I spent the next 6hrs, holding her hand, stroking her hair, dipping a… Read full post »

Ive never watched a person die before. I have been to few funerals. Only 3 in my family, one being my fatherinlaw 6years ago. I remember when he died how hard it was for us to go back to the county where they live when he passed. On the drive there,… Read full post »

Where to start? Last Thursday, "L"came home. Money is tight so instead of paying for a ramp they took the deck I had built in the yard for Garden of Hope and made it into a ramp. I'm fine with that, it got her home and in the house, that is… Read full post »

I forfeited traveling to Calgary this year for Stampede because I am afraid to leave her "L". My husband leaves today. I can leave for a  few days but she is always on my mind. I went to my husband's high school reunion this weekend and many who link to… Read full post »

As previously mentioned on Saturday I spent the entire day with "L". When i left her, she was in good spirits and wanting to finish watching the end of the second  movie I had started for her but could not keep my eyes open to finish watching. She was bright and… Read full post »

CANCER. IS NOT A SENTENCE, IT IS A WORD. Or so the title of the book reads. This is the title of the book that "L"gave me to give to "K" when she was first diagnosed. From my position in all of this I think they got the title wrong. I… Read full post »

Well it has been several days since my last post and some eventful days have unfolded. I guess the first thing is my sister in law "K" she seems to be dealing with the loss of her breast well. Of course there are still those moments of self pity that she… Read full post »

Today was an emotional one. My sister in law "K"finally had her mastectomy. I spoke to her for an hour on the phone lastnight, she was laughing and we were joking and she was prepared for the most part. How do you mentally prepare yourself at 38 to say goodbye to… Read full post »

So "L"had her surgery this past Wednesday. I was fortunate enough to stay with her for the morning and wait with her in the OR corridors before they took her in. She was really torn between getting a spinal or general. The thought of a needle going into her spine terrified… Read full post »

"L"is back in hospital. She broke her hip. Just one more hit to add to the long list she is already enduring. Now she is faced with surgery. They want to hook her up with some metal to help repair the fracture, but realisticly it will be atleast 6 weeks or… Read full post »

Things are settling down. "L"came home yesterday, gosh I wish she had stayed the extra days until radiation was over. She knows no limits. We had a conversation that if she were to come home early she would over do it, and in true "L" style she has. She cannot walk… Read full post »

Wow!! Things have been coming together and quickly! I had another meeting this morning with Lowes. They are in on the project as well. So exciting really and something positive to focus on for a change. "L"is coming home from the hospital this Thursday so I decided after getting confirmation from… Read full post »

So this week started off a little hectic to say the least. The day "L"and I sat in her yard "on the bench" I got an idea. I wanted to restore her yard seeing as how she enjoys it so much. She can't garden because of the pain the cancer is… Read full post »

Written on Monday May 18 forgot to publish

Today was a beautiful day, a little windy, and a little cool, but the clouds were big and fluffy and when the wind died down the sun would heat your skin right through your clothing. "L"got a day pass today. It was so… Read full post »

"L" was taken via ambulance to hospital Monday night. She pulled some muscles in her back from all the coughing and it was unbearably painful and difficult for her to breathe. This the day after her week long trip to Vancouver. I told her I would come by today, this was… Read full post »

Ahhh what a night. I was fortunate enough this evening to hook up with 3 old friends for dinner, wine, and venting. We try to make an effort to get together atleast once a month, and oh how I look forward to it. We always crack some red, eat like queens… Read full post »

Why is growing up so hard? Why are young girls such snipers?  Why is it with all we know today that my daughters spirit can be broken from relentless torment and teachers do nothing to intervene. My heart fell to the floor tonight as my 13yr old daughter wept on my… Read full post »

So today seemed to be another emotional day. Husband is still on the road. Spent several hours with *L* today. For the first time since being diagnosed I noticed she was having difficulty breathing, and she was in obvious discomfort.  While I was there, suppose to be helping her with paperwork,… Read full post »

Yesterday I spent the day with my friend. She is 35 like me, gorgeous long blond hair to her waist that has a light wave. Vibrant green eyes even though now they are shadowed with a redness, a sadness. We first met when we were 15 through mutual friends, parties. We… Read full post »