"....and you're how old now?"

That little bit of thought no one thinks about
MAY 23, 2010 1:01AM

The quest for truth and meaning at Mudfest 2010

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Ben and I were at Mudfest 2010 at Balboa Park this morning.

The name intrigued me, "Mudfest," so I called Ben and asked him if he wanted to go and check it out. Well, it turns out the festivale had to do with clay and all the wonderful uses for it.

It was a bust!

So we wandered around Balboa Park on a cloudy and cool Saturday morning. It had been a good week, and the prozac was working as expected. I still had to get blood drawn, and I've been putting it off for weeks almost.

As I took pictures with my digital camera, Ben asked when I knew I was gay.

I was taken aback with the question. I just took a plaster cast statute of the Virgin Mary who suddenly seemed to wink at me as if to say, "Well, Luis, now you know how I feel when someone asks me a difficult question."

"That's a good question," I replied. "Give me a moment."

"Fourth grade," I told him after we took a couple more photos of even more plaster cast statues.

"Really?" Ben asked. "Yes, really!" and I smiled.

Ben is young, in his twenties, very straight and very geeky, and formally ultra-religious. When he found out the paster of his church was gay, 70% of the congregation left. This angered Ben and thus began his quest for truth and meaning.

I'm not an expert on religion and I'm not an expert on being gay.

I'm an expert on Luis and that's who I stand for.

"I didn't know what gay was. And I didn't know what being gay meant. You sort of learn along the way. It's just bascially living your own life." Ben listened as I snapped more photos of my beloved Balboa Park.

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"It's the same thing for the straights. You learn by living and doing. It's no different," and I smiled.

Then he asked me if I felt bad being gay. I told him sometimes.

"What you see in the movies and on tv is nothing like real life. Real life, itself, is pretty much boring when you really think about it. People work, have bills to pay, worrying about the future, and all that other stuff."

"You're not bad, Luis."

"Yes, I am. I'm not good all the time."

I don't know if I answered his questions. He asks me all sorts of things and I do my best to answer them.

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"I'm still learning though," I told Ben.

You never stop learning.


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I am glad that he has a good friend in you. :)