- March 05
- I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye.
I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way.
I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...
MY RECENT POSTS
- In My Head
July 21, 2014 09:16PM
- Where Have I Been?
July 16, 2014 09:19PM
- Man Made
June 02, 2014 09:35PM
- Coming Out of the Dark
May 01, 2014 08:48AM
- Today is my Sister Suzie's
April 24, 2014 02:29PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Those first random hairs
will get you every time, then
just become part of
- “Put on my list for my
- “Oh this is fun! I want
to know how her night goes and
life....I will be
- “"turd in the waste pipe
of the American system" I
- “Off to read #2! You have
Lunchlady 2's Links
- MY LINKS
I am going to go up to my sisters, it was either today or tomorrow, only today, when I got up, my old girl Zena Bear was acting strange so I decided to stay home and go tomorrow.
All that leads me to what my sister said about our family being… Read full post »
I guess I have been in shut down mode, even now I don't feel the urge to write, I mean it is not "pouring" out of me as it does most times I write, but it is more of a damn girl get these feelings out on paper...
My Navy son… Read full post »
That's who I am, a woman who has been formed by men into a simpering, whimpering, shell of who she is...
I don't know if it started with dad, trying to please a man who would never be pleased, it seems to follow me around like a dog on a leash. … Read full post »
I don’t know where this is all of a sudden coming from but, out of the blue, I have decided to take responsibility for my own life.
No prince charming is going to swoop in and clean my yard, fix my house, take care of me…and surprisingly, to… Read full post »
Today is my sister's birthday and we have been doing this for longer than I can remember, this year I was struggling with coming up with something different and this morning it came to me....
Let me intrduce my loving, strong, incredible, sister Suzie!
Okay then maybe I won't...damn thing won't… Read full post »
I have to admit, it was nice having someone who made me laugh, talk, cry and feel again in my life. I thought all I was, had been shut down for good.
It did bother me that his main premise was sex or rubbing something, or showering together, I mean hell… Read full post »
That's all she wrote folks my first love stopped calling me on Wednesday and refused to answer my calls back, even unfriended me on Facebook, he finally answered his phone this morning and I found out why this has happened...
Seems, he feels, I live in the past, that I focus… Read full post »
I am still talking to my first love but I find my emotions keep changing, keeping me confused.
As we talk, one day I feel his voice surround me with love and the next I worry about what will happen when we meet again in person and I pull back. Needless… Read full post »
I stood outside today, forcing myself to replant a few geraniums' that had been killed by the freeze Cali had, as I stood there I swear the world stopped for a minute and I remembered all my children running through the spring, the summer and how loud and happy they… Read full post »
My first love and I are still talking, every day, sometimes for hours at a time.
We keep feeling each others thoughts and emotions out, seemingly able to talk about anything, even when it hurts to remember.
Yesterday I had a memory return and it was a bad one, a… Read full post »
I have nothing today, I just can't think to write anything so I am turning my birthday over to my big sister...
You may go here, if you want, and read my sister's birthday wish to me.
Thank you and have a great day :) Read full post »
My lost love and I are still talking, we talk on week-ends and when I call him on week-days, he hates to wake me and forgets the 2 hour difference, we can talk for hours. When we try to say goodbye we find we keep talking until he finally says… Read full post »
Every week-end now I have been on the phone with my first love. His wife of 40 plus years has passed, the cancer finally winning the battle. He uses the words commitment and trust and I know why he stayed with her.
But I have also, now, found out why… Read full post »
One of my staff at work is pregnant, due in March, so the topic of birth, children and nipples comes up alot. Since this is her first she has so many questions and we all pitch in with the best answers we have to help ease her mind. Mostly… Read full post »
I have cancelled all the dating sites my son had me try, but they are still active for 3 months, so I find myself going over to look at what kind of men are out there...
The only problem, I found, was that in my mind I thought I… Read full post »
Today would have been your 42nd birthday, you would have graduated from turbine school and you and your love would have been married, even possibly would have adopted me another grandchild by now, but life did not work out like it was supposed to, life threw us a curve… Read full post »
Deeply or seriously thoughtful, often with a tinge of sadness
I received a call last week-end from my first love, I am still friends with his brother and he had given him my number, which I was fine with.
We made small talk, I knew his wife, the… Read full post »
I can't help myself, every time Lord of the Rings comes on I must watch it, even though I own the complete set without the commercials and all the good stuff cut from it.
It has always bothered me that, in the end, Frodo loses, no great prize, no love of… Read full post »
Yesterday I had another meeting with my counselor and found out he is moving his practice to Stockton, he will still be available to me if I need him I only need to phone and make an appointment or I could start to drive the hour there, the hour visit and… Read full post »
I have recently discovered that, when I am not working, I hide in my home like a mole, hiding from the sun, mindlessly watching TV and ignoring the need to write, to dig myself out of this hole I am in.
But when I go outside to feed the dog, I… Read full post »
Two years ago today Joey died, I really believe he had died the day before once I thought about it and remembered how things seemed different but in the end it doesn't matter, either the hospital was nice enough to give this worn out family one more quiet night of… Read full post »
When Susie and I were small, it seemed, looking back through pictures, we had nice clothes and mom looked healthy and the world was a happy place. Three more children come along and the marriage started to go south along with dad's wandering eyes and the pictures get darker, the shoes… Read full post »
I have been receiving little brain glitches lately, the kind that make you want to duck and run and I could not understand why.
At first I though maybe our Harvest dinner all those turkeys but then that has been much easier with more help, without someone dying….
This Friday 60+ dead nasty turkeys ( I have been doing this for about 15 years and I now HATE turkey) will be delivered to my school walk-in, to make room for all these birds I need to move a bunch of heavy food items around to clear three major… Read full post »
Yesterday I met with my son's fiancé to spend the day together. I picked her up at the bus stop and we headed over to a spiritual fair, we had planned to do this two years ago on the very day my son entered the hospital, so two years later we… Read full post »