My son seemed okay when we left last night, his fever down, his blood pressure good.

When I came in this morning most of his medicine was turned off and when I touched his hand I knew he was no longer in his body.

He had a major stroke when the shunt in his head plugged up which is what happens with valley fever.

I called his fiance and she rushed over and we had the talks keeping him on life support and such but those weren't options for my vibrant, loving son.

We let our families know and we made the decision to end his suffering.

I let my daughter know when we unhooked him and her Tibetan teacher said a long prayer for his peaceful passing. He died within 20 minutes of being unhooked. You could tell he was no longer in his shell and I refused to look at that body. I don't want to remember him like that and refused to look at Toddy either.

I tried so hard to make a trade with God I have had a long life and I wanted to trade places but....

I keep thinking I will wake up..

I am staying another night at the hotel afraid to trust myself on the road so I have been in touch with the cremation society and started the paperwork. My daughter will pay for it and Suzie is trying to get him a place by Grandma.

I can't believe my first born, my beautiful boy is gone and I don't know that I will ever recover this time.

What am I going to do without him?

I will be back when I am ready to tell Joey's story but so many of you had been offering prayers and love I felt I needed to let you know and thank each and everyone one of you for your love.