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Lunchlady 2

Lunchlady 2
Birthday
March 05
Bio
I have been here, oh my, 2 or 3 years and in that time I have seen my youngest daughter wed and have my first beautiful granddaughter. I have seen a son join the Navy and fly away and I have buried my oldest son. This makes two sons I have lost and right now the world seems unfair and harsh but someday I will smile again and remember the good times more than the bad. Did I mention the alcoholic husband who has been in the hospital three times near death...it makes me wonder much about why some live, yet don't, and some die who are just starting to live. Out of 6 children I still have 4 and they are the light of my life....

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NOVEMBER 26, 2011 11:03AM

A Day of Death and Celebration

Rate: 28 Flag

 Today is the day we are going to lay my son's ashes to rest. Yesterday I was fine and running off cards to hand his friends and thinking about all the good times and it was just a day like all others.

But today I get up feed the cats, take the dog out, give our older girl her medicine for her hips and happen to glance to where the 5th wheel used to sit that I bought my son to live in for awhile.

Strangely bursting into tears....

I don't want to do this I want to go on pretending he has just moved away and is living a happy life somewhere and just doesn't have the time to call mom.

I am not ready to be strong and fearless and hold his friends as they cry, as they say goodbye to one too young to have died.

I am the only one up and the house is quiet and I miss my son more than I will ever be able to share.

I want to shout how unfair this is, how can I be expected to give up two children and evil just keep running the world. I want to shout why me?

I want to wake up.....

At mom's funeral Joe came and put his arm around me, when I saw my daughter cry I started to cry as well. I keep seeing that, remembering that.

I think today I will feel for my son's arms around me one last time as I let him go to whatever, wherever is next.

I miss you so much Joey, I don't know what I am going to do without you.

 

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I don't know why but writing it out instead of holding it in releases the pain to the world and I feel better for having done so. I can do this, we can do this, me and suzie...
Lunchlady 2
November 26, 2011 11:16 AM
It’s good to write, to purge the hurt, fear and grief. It breaks my heart to read your pain. You are so right this is grossly unfair. You will feel your son’s arms around you every time you remember him and the love you shared for each other. ~R~
M. C. S.
November 26, 2011 11:24 AM
If writing helps my friend, you write until your heart is content. I do not have the words to tell you how sorry I am. A good writer would have words to make you feel better, but I can only tell you how much I think of you and how much I hope you can get through this again. Know that you have many, many people in your corner, pulling not just for you, but with you.
scanner
November 26, 2011 11:26 AM
You CAN do this, but be kind to yourself and use the time you need to grieve. I hope you find some comfort in the celebration of his young life today.

Lezlie
L in the Southeast
November 26, 2011 11:26 AM
Today is another hard day for you. Strong people need a place to open up and hurt too. When you're the one who must keep standing because everyone leans on you, you can come here and let it all out. Write whatever you need to write to lessen the pain. Love and strength to you.
l'Heure Bleue
November 26, 2011 11:36 AM
My Mom sent me a hug at her funeral. Joey sounds like someone who will always be there when you need him, too.
just phyllis for now
November 26, 2011 11:50 AM
Write as much or as often as needs be, LL2. We'll be here.
Boanerges1
November 26, 2011 12:06 PM
His arms around you today Terri. We will wish that for you forever. A son's arms, a great place to lay your head.
rita shibr
November 26, 2011 12:07 PM
You and Suzie can do ANYTHING!!!
God bless you all, my friend.
J D Smith
November 26, 2011 12:18 PM
Hi LL, just glad to see you writing here, feeling and grieving and not shutting down. You know you have an "invisible" legion of supporters who will be standing there with you, in case you need some of us to help hold you up. Hugs to you today, and every day.
Oryoki Bowl
November 26, 2011 12:20 PM
Keep on writing it out. You do it so beautifully and sharing your pain hopefully will bring some comfort.

Hoping you'll feel your son's presence today and every day following.
Linda Cooper
November 26, 2011 12:57 PM
All of the hurt doesn't go away entirely but it does help relieve some of the heartache by writing about loss as it releases some negative emotions.

I wish you peace, LL. My siblings attended a family member's funeral yesterday; his cremains and our memories of him are all we share now.
Belinda T.
November 26, 2011 01:37 PM
Feel free to share your grief with us, Terri. You have many friends here.
Matt Paust
November 26, 2011 02:00 PM
Lunch Lady, My heart aches for you. Somehow, I know with the love of your children and sister, you will find a way.
Scarlett Sumac
November 26, 2011 02:00 PM
If writing about it helps, then by all means keep writing! Realize that his arms are around you, today! He would want you to keep hanging in and not give up. Then when you really feel like it, have yourself a good cry. I have always had a hard time doing that, instead keeping it inside. It is better to let it out. You have friends here, who will support you!
Kenny1948
November 26, 2011 02:06 PM
I feel so terribly sad for your loss, Lady. I wish my sorrow about losing your boy could diminish yours just a little but I know it never will.
Miguela Holt y Roybal
November 26, 2011 02:35 PM
Beaming loving thoughts your way!
High Lonesome
November 26, 2011 02:44 PM
Don't you ever listen to those who say death is the end or that losing someone won't ever hurt because of that. It is always horrible and tragic and my heart goes out to you.

Find solace in the Truth that Love never dies, it only changes forms, just like energy, information and the Universe.

Bless you and yours and may you find peace when it is time for peace to come. For now, remember what is good.

Thank you for sharing your soul with us. You are what is good in this world.
Doug Socks
November 26, 2011 05:01 PM
I have been thinking of you all day, and getting choked up and teary all day. (Like right now.) I keep thinking of my mother losing her son, and my mother's best friend losing her son, and a neighbor and the friend of another neighbor, all under different circumstances and all too soon, and it's too easy to replace your son and all their sons with my own.

I know you can do this. You are so strong, but you should not have to do it.
Bellwether Vance
November 26, 2011 05:29 PM
If we live long enough we all go through the terrible times of grief and loss of close loved ones. Nobody else can comfort you or dissolve the pain. It usually takes me ten years to place lost people into a past where I can regard them without invoking a surge of great misery. All I can do is urge you to endure and not abrade the terrible wounds. It never passes completely.
Jan Sand
November 26, 2011 05:54 PM
I think the only words that will help are your own. Let it out as much as you need to, as much as you want to or can stand to. Clearly you have willing listeners here.
nerd cred
November 26, 2011 06:02 PM
You just made me think how valuable it is to be able to cry. I think sometimes I cry too much but what if I couldn't cry? I am so glad for that release of tension and for mourning with giant sobs. I got so they were taking over my life and I had to go to a movie or something but now I can see that the crying is there for a purpose. We cry. Makes me remember the most intense sentence ever...."Jesus wept."
zanelle
November 26, 2011 06:03 PM
May the knowledge that your mutual love will never die give you strength in your time of grief.
d white
November 26, 2011 06:54 PM
Hang in there. Someday it will be a little easier to get through a day without him. You are more resilient than you think! We are here for you Lunchlady!
Susie Lindau
November 26, 2011 07:40 PM
a Christmas gift for my father, which one is better? http://www.newflybuy.com ...
there are a lot of products on sale. Which one is better for 48 years old mom? Handbag,glasses or biniki? Please help.
bvhrbgfgfbgth ferfgtyutnytu
November 26, 2011 07:43 PM
Thank you all for standing with me today...I made it through, I hugged and held others who cried and I am very very tired. I will be back tomorrow to tell of our wonderful remembering day and how my son told me goodbye. My love and thanks to you all.
Lunchlady 2
November 26, 2011 10:03 PM
We are all here for you, my friend.
trilogy
November 26, 2011 11:56 PM
My words aren't meant to heal or comfort you because I'm not anyone who can do that for you, but I want you to know that I do understand. I do. Just thinking about you and losing your son makes me cry. I'm crying right now because of your loss and because I know how I would feel if I lost one of my children. One doesn't have to lose a child to grasp your pain. All one has to do is love someone as much as possible and then she/he will be able to understand the agony you're in. Only God can really comfort you. Joe will help Him.....
I Love Life
November 27, 2011 01:00 AM
Just keep writing, crying, what ever you have to do, whatever you want to do, whatever feels right. We are here for you and will continue to be here for you.
Gerri Luce
November 27, 2011 05:03 AM