My sister and I had been searching for a bench to place by my son's grave, planning to be able to sit when visiting Joe and Grandma. Her husband checked OSH for us and found a couple so we raced over and picked the one we wanted and asked them if they would save it for us. They hesitated and I explained about my drive and how I wanted it for my son's graveside and they decided they would do it putting a saved sign on it and following us to the check stand to assure we did everything right.

Here is where my sister said she thought she was with mom again as I had mom's ability to charm people into wanting to help me.I kind of liked hearing that.

My boys and I went to pick the bench up and without blinking a man walked up and said oh you all are here for the bench and helped us load it on the cart and then when I went to check out they said oh the folks with the bench and waved us through without a question.

It was sweet…

Then we drove over after making my boys set it on the back seat to keep it safe and the day began, my boys digging a spot to keep the bench stable and ready to use, it was used well.

It seemed as soon as we got the bench settled and I sent the boys to go show folks where to park people started arriving. For the next hour I hugged old friends, old school friends of my son's and mine and new friends he had made who needed to be there.

One flying in from Georgia, one driving from Reno and others the long drive from Fresno, friends from his time in Rehab showing up also needing to tell me how much they loved him, all there to say goodbye. Meeting his teacher from the turbine school he was attending who talked to me for a very long time about how much he loved our Joe, was so very helpful in seeing my son in his light.

The cemetery gave us a laugh for a good part of the day so hard to find, so many lost, but at the end everyone making it.

Joe's fiance speaking after we placed his ashes was beautiful, that she was shaking so badly as she spoke showing her love and loss of my son. She placed the first shovel full, with my sister her husband and I following.

One of my son's friends from kindergarten through high school came up to me by the grave and she couldn't talk, after holding her for a minute I knew what she wanted and all Joe's kinder through high school friends came up placing a shovel full for him as well as my brother and his teacher who both spoke of him for those of us with no voice.

His fiance brought balloons to release and as she released them the tress were popping them and she would release more and the trees caught them, as she let the last two bunches go they sailed past the tress to amazing amount of clapping for their freedom.

As we were finishing and explaining how to get to my sisters for those who were coming I noticed his best friend in his new life by the grave and saw that his family and he had placed a beautiful rosary on the headstone my brother in law had made for us until we can order his new one. That they stayed behind and filled in the grave made me cry happy tears for the love my son has known.

As we were leaving a caravan behind me and one behind my sister, just as I was leaving the cemetery my truck turned off, just stopped. I sat for a minute; it has never done this before, and then realized it was my son saying goodbye, later thinking he had not wanted me to go but as I lie in bed last night I realized I felt no hard feelings no malice in the gesture just a simple goodbye mom I am okay now.

My brain is still not accepting my child is really gone so now, I hope, the healing will begin and I will pass through the stages leaving anger and hopelessness behind me.

So yes good bye my child until we meet again your family will hold your finance tight in our grip and I will hold you tight in my heart.