I found out yesterday that the gravestone I had helped design was too large for my son's grave. Also that the cemetary does not want more than one "body",ashes really, per small gravesite. Even though the paper work said you could have up to 3, as the man explained to me this is a smaller plot.
He told me last night when he returned my call that I could send a letter to the trustees and at their meeting on the 28th of February they will read it and decide. The man was nice enough but I could feel a small chip on his shoulder, he said they may charge extra and I agreed that they might and we would gladly pay it.
The wonderful man designing the stone has already shrunk it down for me with my son's name on one side and his fiance's on the other with my son's last name in the middle, thier picture together under that, two labs on either side, the wings my son would have had if he had graduated turbine school and beloved forever below their names. It is beautiful and even though I would love to put beloved son on this stone, I know I love him and he will be okay and this is for his fiance.
This is my letter, this is what I am thinking of sending and I would love to know what you think. Is it enough, to much?
I will be gone most of the day but will check back in as I can.
Thank you all for the help...have I mentioned death sucks?
To whom it may Concern,
My son ended up in the hospital on Oct 13 and died on Nov 13 he was only 39. His fiancé and I (his mom) were standing by his side as they removed the ventilator and he quietly passed away.
They had to postpone their marriage twice due to job loss; the wedding was planned as soon as my son finished technical school.
My son is gone and his fiancé needs closure, so for her I want to place her last name as my son’s last name on the gravestone we are having built and let her, when her time comes, lie with my son forever.
This is all I can offer her except my love and support.
She is devastated and many times I would come in while my son was in the hospital and would find her lying, as best she could beside him.
I only want to give her that peace in her head so she can continue to live.
We will pay whatever is required to have two “cremains” in the same grave and have no problem with this.
We only want to give her peace and the last name she cherished.
We humbly ask you grant us this small favor for a man gone too soon and his devastated fiancé left behind.
Thank you
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Comments
Your letter is perfect and to the point.
I would send it just as it is.
Gawd...tho'. People amaze me at ever turn.
This is unreal and yet true.
Let it pass.
Death sure sucks, but at least there is a natural beauty
to it. What really sucks is damn fools making grieving peoples'
grieving processes
more grim
through
petty hassles.
when we buried mom & dad (mom cremated, dad not)
in the same plot,
they said, ya gotta buy two graves...
so mom & dad are in one, and the other one is waiting for me!
I know how red tape and rules come before people with some, but hopefully your beautifully drafted letter will bring about success. Good luck.
When my uncle died, very quickly, of pancreatic cancer, when my aunt called the local Catholic cemetary & told her to bring cash that day if she wanted him buried there. It was a Sunday. They had been married for at least 35 years. I am Catholic, so I'm not Catholic bashing, but this is just cruel.
Hang in there.
Wren, what parish was this..I am calling the BS flag
Rated for it's always something.
I wouldn't send that letter and I certainly wouldn't offer to pay "whatever it costs"; hold them to what they promised you. Have you paid them anything yet? I'd demand to speak in person with the cemetery manager and get what's in your contract. This should not have to wait until the end of February for approval. That is terrible treatment of a bereaved family.
This is a business like any other (I worked for one) and as my sales manager said bluntly more than once, "We're not running a charity." I'm telling you that not to upset you but because that's how it works. I know it's emotional and upsetting so if possible, have someone there with you who can be clear-headed and not intimidated. And whatever you decide, DON'T pay them anything until you're satisfied.
The letter sounds just right.
I hope this is all over by now with it all worked out.
Such a terrible tragedy that came knocking on your door...