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Lunchlady 2

Lunchlady 2
March 05
I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye. I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way. I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...


MARCH 18, 2012 3:08PM

What Open Salon Has Taught Me

Rate: 57 Flag


I realized the other day quite by accident that until I came here I was utterly invisible. I was embarrassed by my life, by my alcoholic husband, by the woman I perceived myself to be. I kept everything inside for fear someone might guess the hell my life was my inadequacies vivid in my minds eye.

Then my sister told me about this place she writes, this place called Open Salon and told me I should come, see. She finally sent me an invitation and I wrote some silly something finger poised over the publish button for an untold amount of time until with a deep breath I began my journey.

It took some time to gather readers but I found with each post I grew a little, I wrote my soul hidden behind lunchlady I could finally just be myself no one judging me, even if it was only in my mind I was being judged.

I found out, by reading, how to write better, yes I still need work but by reading others I found how to leave out those pesky "ands" working with the words to get my point across.

I found here a community of people needing to find, to use their voice in the written form.

I found support for what I thought only my cross to bear, I found people who had lived and or were living with alcoholics, people who had lost children, spouses and were surviving.

I finally told my young son's story his diagnosis and loss from cancer only to lose yet another son. Finding love here and support from people I had never met, one even offering to come sit with me at my son's bedside not getting to meet as that was the day my son died. Still I hope we do meet this summer.

I have discovered here that we are all more alike than we are different, we all want to be loved, liked, we all want to be "known" and this place gives a voice many of us would never know we had.

I have discovered myself here, I have become more "me" than I knew I could be even as far as including my job in my sons sickness and death. The me before coming here would have been stoic and kept it all hidden but the me now wrote long emails asking for prayers and surprisingly finding out along the way just how much those at work respected her, loved her and I was moved beyond words by this show of love from those I thought I was invisible too.

Open Salon has made me a part of a community and in accepting me into the fold made me the woman I had forgotten I could be and for that I thank you all.

I am no longer ashamed of who I am, of the life I have led, I don't need to speak out in whispers for fear someone will find out. I don't need to hide behind lunchlady anymore BUT here I will always stay and be her because she is how I found myself hidden in among the layers of life I wore.

I used to wonder ( I don't know why) how the death of my first son would have been different if I had been working, if I had known more people, sadly I was chosen to find out. Without discovering who I was and OS before the loss of my second son I don't believe I would have survived.

I guess what I am trying to say is thank you all for your love, your support and for your acceptance of me just as I am.

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What a humble and generous post this is, Lunchlady2. I'm honored to be part of a community with pe0ple like you. I took the plunge just a couple of days ago and already I feel at home here.
Well, you're beautiful, smart, funny, and compassionate. What's not to like?
Sweetie, it is what you have taught US that I am amazed at.
Love, perseverence, strength of character, strength period!
They don't come any better than you.
Time and again you teach us the best way example

I wish I were more like you.
Frosty Funk, I hope we make you feel as at home here as I have been made to feel
Dianaani, You are to kind thank you
JD, you underestimate yourself I am who I am because of the life I have been given you are a wonderful man who does the best he can with the life he has been given. We all do the best we can with what we are given :)
Nothing but a huge basket of hugs
Lunchlady, it's been a privilege to watch your journey. When I think of grace under pressure, I think of you. You have so much heart, and so much love, after being dealt a hand I can't imagine. Blessings to you.
You have brought us far more than you have taken. Thank you, dear lady.
This is great that OS has been able to help so much. but give yourself credit for reaching out and taking the risk and taking others' writing and stories in. I have seen a few on here who were just all wrapped up in themselves...
You're a good soul
What a nicely written post. You're right about the sense of community here. I think of it as an oasis in the vastness of the Internet. It's gratifying to read something like this Lunchlady.
Liked your stuff right from the start, LL2. Glad you came here and glad you stayed. Any help you received from the OS community you've more than repaid.
...just the warm fuzzy I was looking for today...
Thanks, Lunchlady :)
I was going to try hard today to answer each comment but find that thank you keeps repeating so to all of you for reading I thank you so much for making life here a beautiful place to escape too.
That's what I like about OS, too. In fact, I liked your writing from the start and felt honored when you started commenting on my posts. Thanks to you for being here.
yeah this is where the cool folks hang out.
"I have become more "me" than I knew I could be "
me too!
you have been a shining inspiration, friend and teacher to me and so many others. not around much these days but you're always in my prayers. spring is here!
This made me cry . . . and then Boo burped and I laughed and cried. This is beautiful, hon. I'm glad you are finding "you" again . . . big hugs. :)

You are witty and smart and have taught me so much! Thank you!
I'm happy for you! It's brave to share yourself on the page and admit to having limitations and imperfections. Thanks for sharing such a positive post! [r]
To take this further, lunchlady, if OS has helped you, you have helped others on OS as well. I have learned honesty from you. I've learned what I can go through and survive and possibly thrive. I've learned about determination and dedication. About many other things as well. You've been a blessing to me. Did you know that? I hope you do now. Peace to you LL.
Oh Gee Whiz, you sure know how to stir emotions. You make me happy to be me too! There is still so much to explore and I am ever so glad we are on the journey together.
Isn't it wonderful, when we start stacking the words up, or maybe stringing them, like beads ( or beans ! ), the picture that emerges ~ it's like ... who is that person ?
Could it ... might it ... really, is that ... me ?
I love that.
And ( hey what's up with 'ands' anyway ? ) I love that it's here, where there's others who relate to that weird itch or twitch and write back with all sorts of weird homegrown remedies that somehow work, because all of them contain that magic ingredient, love.
You remind me of that most beautiful Joni song, Rainy Night, where he/she wonders Who in the world they might be.
In the spirit of Pink Floyd's Careful With That Axe, Eugene I offer : Careful With That Butterknife, Lunchlady.
You're becoming dangerous ;-)
Beautiful sentiments, Lady. Speaks to the power of writing from our hearts and in sharing our true voices in this community. So sorry for your losses. Keep writing!
Terri, your being here has meant a lot to me and many others in this community. You warmth and honesty is contagious. So glad you found this place.
Your warmth and honest are contagious. Yikes, I guess I spent too much time out in the woods today. Forgetting my grammar.
I remember the first post I read of yours dear and my responce.
You have came a long way woman.
And I am so proud you write here.
You are well loved by so many.
Including me.
always dear
You all continue to overwhelm me with your beautiful comments, making me cry with the overwhelmingness of your support. I used to place so many ands like a child talks and then...and then...but found there was a better way to say what needed to be said. Desert_Rat and Kim , and all of you, but you two... Kim yes you do get it I have read sometimes the next day something I wrote and thought did I really write that, did it come from me? It is an amazing world we live in.
I am so sorry but equally happy you found your own way through it all. That's the most empowering, isn't it? Not that you don't need people, but that you really can do things honestly on your own. Bravo to you!
What a beautiful and heartbreaking essay, all in one. Writing does bring us to truth, and friends, and understanding, and sometimes it just lifts the lid on what's inside us. I just wrote an essay about what I call "The Pandora Effect" for my Chicago writers group, about the way that picking up a pen one day and trying to write about seemingly happy memories just pulled the scabs right off. You never know what you're going to find...but it's always worth doing. I'm glad you've found such a good home here.
LunchLady, if I could copy and paste this on my site, this could be my story. Not about your son's dying, but about finding myself and some pretty special people here. Me, a writer? Hah! I am now shaping my book, putting the finishing touches on it. MY book. It may stink, but I wrote a book it and I would never had done it if I hadn't stumbled onto OS. I may bitch and moan at times about OS, but I do love this place!
No longer invisible and so very greatly loved by those you have allowed to share with you and learn from you and come to listen ... to your voice. Love, our greatest gift, spoken here beautifully.
Writing is great therapy and you do it so well.

I've survived many tumultuous years through writing blogs and the support offered by readers. I've had minimal success here on OS but no matter I've come to love some of the writers, yourself included.

Keep on doing what you do so well.
The very things you thank the OS community for are the same blessings you bestow upon us by your presence here. Thank YOU for sharing the lovely lady 'hidden in among the layers of life' you wore.
you're a lovely person, ll2, and i'm glad it's been so good for you to write here. xo
Lunch Lady: You have been here through thick and thin sharing some of life's hardest moments. It takes a ton of courage to muster expressing what you have. I'm glad it has been a forum and blessing for you; it works both ways.
You are a wise and loving soul. Your sharing brings strength to others.
I did not expect so much love but I am very thankful to receive it! I have to sign off for the night as work tomorrow starts way early. So good night and thank you one and all...
We do have a great family here, I feel very supported and yes even loved here, thanks for your friendship and all the loving words you always share with me.
This is as gorgeous as you. I never thought I would feel close to people I've only met on the Internet. I like the way life continues to surprise.
That's wonderful to hear.
I'm glad to have participated in the process that helped you become more "you." You are an inspiration and delight.
Some here write very well and some get by and some are weird and amusing loonies. It's a community with time and distance made irrelevant and we can lay our brains on the table to be dissected and either gobbled up or put back in the freezer for future consideration. The internet community is more and more throughout the world feeling the efforts of official government to insert itself, control and frequently inhibit and destroy the growing consciousness of just ordinary people that we have both common and uncommon similar thoughts and problems. It has, at the moment, rather feeble powers but they have great potential and may, to the disdain and fear of official governments, in the long run tame the ferocious beasts that the current controlling powers have become. It is a close race against time and at the moment we people are not doing too well.
Well said, L. L., I too have been amazed at the common bonds with others that I have found here.
LL-- Here's another title. "What You Have taught Open Salon." It's a lot.
LL-- Here's another title. "What You Have taught Open Salon." It's a lot.
This is such positive post and I am happy that you are doing better.
Only with the OS family months now...but it is a good place to be.
I am learning each day.
When I came across your post a couple of months ago I remember wanting to know you. So I went back and read everything that you have written here. I then felt like I knew you. No we haven't met and we haven't even talked but I know you could come over for dinner and we would have a wonderful time. Take care, and I too, am thankful that we've found this place.
i've followed your journey from the first post; your growth as a writer is well documented within all your posts. what i want you to know is that i admire you for sharing your journey.
You have found out that you are a wonderful person, and if OS helped you to know that....

.....Then let's party! Huggs and R
A beautiful post, one that shows the journey, the positive growth and how great it is to have something for which you are truly thankful. Kudos to you LunchLady!!!!
Jeez I'm glad you caught Jan in an 'up' frame of mind ... :-)

( love you Jan !)
God bless us every one.

: )

You're the best....all of you...and LL2....omg YES you are!
Hello,Launclady,I have just came to salon for the same reasons and I hoρe to find the warmth,the friends and the acceρtance that you have found here.I too struggle to stoρ being invisible.Thanks for sharing..I also think that we are all alike..As someone said we are made out of the same material that dreams are made..Aren't we all a dream;Best regards.
Lovely post! I'm not sure I can add anything to what others have said. (Other than a belated Happy Birthday to you.)
Thank you for your honest beautiful words filled with love for us and for all the lives you touch every day.
You are a gift and inspiration to OS and to me.
rated with love
We are not alone.
I read this earlier, LL, and it has stuck with me all day.
I can't tell you how cool it is to read this...
so glad you are here!
Like many others, I would agree that you have brought much to the rest of us here as well.
: )
Wonderful, eloquent post. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
Thanks so much for sharing yourself here and more.
.........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & HUGS (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★
A lucky day for me, that you found MY blog, and now I will say the same for finding yours. Of course I should have guessed it would be good - lunch and lady are two of my favorite things and 2 is better than 1. Looking forward to hearing more from you, and I wish you continued healing.
I just need to thank you all again, I know what else can I say but thank you, I wish I had better words but I just need you all to know how much you all, this place, means to me. I missed who I was, I missed being alive, I missed me.
Thank you for standing by me while I rediscovered who I was and all of your very kind words.
I'm so glad you hit that Publish button the first time. Keep on hitting it. You give as much as you get. (hug)
I came here after four avatars were booted @ Salon.
I still can't comment there. It's nice here? Kerry L.?
If he pays my $90.00 back I'll buy lunch, shoo fly pie.

I forget about it.
editor knows how
to say 'buttocks' in
twelve languages
He walk like dead
wearing on behind
'Old Glory Stinkers'
goad gouda blueberry
Where are those comments?
May Bill Gates Pa Pa knows?
I'll call Google. Then gargle.
Hello 2u, Lunchlady2!

I found you purely by accident! Just logged in to Open Salon where I occasionally post and . . .poof! . . . . you were there! Your open-hearted blog is beautiful and you so well captured the essence of why so many of us write. Best wishes 2u, Lunchlady2 - I'll be following . . .u!
Hello 2u, Lunchlady2!

I found you purely by accident! Just logged in to Open Salon where I occasionally post and . . .poof! . . . . you were there! Your open-hearted blog is beautiful and you so well captured the essence of why so many of us write. Best wishes 2u, Lunchlady2 - I'll be following . . .u!
"We are all more alike than we are different..." yes. This is a saving realization.
"I am no longer ashamed of who I am, of the life I have led, I don't need to speak out in whispers"

yes, that is the OS place I have come to know and appreciate too Lady.

Stay well and keep posting.
So beautiful. And so true! I came here just to shoot the breeze on occasion, and maybe to clarify my own thoughts through writing them down and having people read and respond. And then you and lots of others reached out to me and I began to realize that this was a little community of insightful and supportive people, who took my words very seriously and whose posts could enrich my life in so many ways. So...thank you for saying this so beautifully. You found yourself here...and I recovered a "voice" I'd left behind after leaving journalism. Or rather, I found the voice that journalism wouldn't allow me to use--hence my flight from it!

I am pretty sure you have given us atleast as much as you have received. :D
Not to be the oh-so-smart-older-sister, but I KNEW you'd like it here! (Although even I am impressed by the connections you've made, & with the outpourings of love & support & kindness, AND with your gift for writing from the heart, honestly & openly.)
Suzie I am even surprised by the love and support I recieve here. I look at myself and think really is that who I am until finally I realized it really is me writing and it made me start to see myself in another light. I kind of like me now!
You have me in tears. What a great writer you are, to do that. Amazing grace! R