Friday was supposed to be my day, I took off work, slept 13 hours and then drove up the hill to visit the graves of my mom and son...not your typical choice for a day off but something I felt I needed to do.
I bought these little windmill type birds, loaded Zena Bear in my truck and off we went. We stopped along the way and went for a walk taking pictures with my phone since the camera I brought along was dead, got back in the truck and up the hill we went.
One of the birds I bought, once there, would not turn right in the wind and no matter how hard I tried I could not get it to work right finally giving up I promised to bring another one up next trip.
I realized this was the first time I had been at the grave alone and I did have a very long talk with my son, my son's and a very good nose blowing cry a good way home.
I had just crossed the highway onto the back roads I take and my truck just died, just quit on me. I just sat there for a minute ready to just give up, done...only it was about 90 degrees, with no shade around and I had a 11 year old dog with me. I had to get her and my truck home. The husband was, as usual, useless so I hung up on him called 3A and an hour later was loaded onto a flatbed truck with no air conditioning ( did I mention it was HOT) and a very talkative young man for the hour drive home. What was nice as I sat there feeling sorry for myself was the many folks who stopped, even one school bus and when they heard I had a dog with me ( she is all black and I thought the windows down but her under cover of the truck best) they all gave me there half full bottles of water to give to her. I was surprised by how many stopped to offer help.
Once home I got on the computer gathered some information and decided my trucks distributor had frozen and I had possibly broke a timing gear. Big bucks came to mind...Big scary bucks that I don't have.
I sat through the big fight the following day between father and son as they "tried" to fix her waiting until they both quit, the son storming off the husband being his normal hateful self and then called 3A again to have her towed to our mechanic, who used to be one of my students at the school.
He has not called back BUT my youngest daughter called and I was telling her my tale of woe and she has said her and her brother, my Navy son will help me pay to get her out and when I posted on Facebook one of my oldest sons friends, the one who flew out from Georgia to attend the funeral, has offered to help me pay, saying I / we are family and he will gladly send what he can. I told him how thankful I was and I would let him know...
All this leading up to my going from thinking I have a black cloud hanging over my head to thinking how very lucky I have been in life to have the people I do around me. The school coming through with enough money to help bury my son when I always thought myself invisible. Children who have become adults that shared my children's lives still around me, still thinking me family.
I keep finding in life, when I feel at my lowest there is always somebody to show me how blessed I really have been...I keep discovering I am not the person I sometimes fear I may be.
I will find out today just how much damage a broken timing gear can do to a vehicle and I will relax a bit after I know she can be fixed. She CAN be fixed!!! I need to believe that. This summer I was going to have it changed and all my fluids changed too....damn.
All this darkness around me I always look for a message in, a reason I guess and this one has helped me see the light that are my friends and family and the need to go to my credit union and pay off and cut up all those cards I used to keep my son going towards happiness.
It is time to cut my losses woman up and get going towards retirement in the right way, in a way I can handle life's little wake up calls she loves to throw at us and still keep on keeping on....