Hand over hand climbing up, falling back, getting back up every day, every step, a bit easier a bit smoother a little less painful, that, at this place and time is my life.
I still have days where tears roll freely down my face, I can't control them they come unbidden to loose themselves from my soul to cleanse and free my heart from its pain.
My mind lays stagnant and sterile as I search for a way to write about it, to free my thoughts, my heart, my soul, from the unanswered questions, the dark thoughts, the what if’s that plague me when I least expect them.
I find myself deep in thought every bad thought needing to be countered with a good thought, it’s not my fault, I didn’t know, I couldn’t have saved him if I had…
I find I constantly must talk to myself, to calm myself to assure myself it was not, it was never, my fault.
I can’t save the world….
And I hate that.