Please would someone slow down the life train! It is barreling down the track at 5000 million miles an hour and I can't stand it much more.

It seems yesterday I was a small child and life was fun and then a teen and life sucked and then a married woman… Read full post »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu-rLA4POkI

Smile though your heart is breaking

Breaking it is but here I sit and when folks walk by mom’s room I smile and wave and they stop to talk and I am strong and protective and I smile.

Our family has the gift of smiling, we light up, we make… Read full post »

I am angry, not in the seven steps of grief anger ( I don' think) just in a hit the wall, slam the door kind of anger. Wanting to choke innocent stuffed animal angry, kick inanimate object anger, wanting to scream anger. This is not like me I am a pacifist… Read full post »

Friday my boss came in to talk to me alone. He said he had a hard time getting over to the cafeteria and I understand. He says this lady who last year was part of my staff but then I sent out an email requesting she be part of the team I… Read full post »

Yes we all know my mom is dying slowly and sadly and I am leaving work after setting everything up every Wednesday to go help my sister Suzie by sitting, with being, with our mom.

Yesterday I had to run my son to the Dr and missed some more work. There… Read full post »

I am sitting here with my mom waiting and watching and waiting and watching.

We are talking about milk and bananas walking and pain so much pain.

I came in while they were bathing her after stopping because my steering wheel was vibrating funny. The nice man let me use… Read full post »

   What I want

To do him in the bath

To do him in the shower

To do him in the garden

To do him in the kitchen

To do him in the truck

What do I want ............................. Oh Hell yea!

Can you guess I just finished watching X… Read full post »

Tomorrow would have been my mom's 82 birthday. Her death was slow and painful and took a toll on her children. This is my first of her birthday's without her and I miss her terribly. Tomorrow morning I will get up and drive up to her grave to sing Happy Birthday.… Read full post »

Is it a coincidence that just last week or was it a few weeks ago, does it really matter, but in this blog I talked about my joy at my new grand-baby, my sons completion of rehab and his new girlfriend and then I worried that I had jinxed life because… Read full post »

As my family and I wait for the end of our mothers long journey to end I have come to realize that something is terribly wrong with people. They view life as if it were a reality show. Not as if each day was a journey for all people to be… Read full post »

So there it is I have said it out loud, our mom is dying. We have all been to visit and those to far away to get home have called and now we wait and cry and wait and cry...........

So let's remember her laughter and joy at her grand kids… Read full post »

I received a call this morning about 4;45 from my sister Suzie who has been a regular here for some time and got me started at OS.

She was calling to let me know our mom had fallen yet again at the home she is at and that this time she… Read full post »

Meet Buddy the cat well he is still a kitten sorta.

The story starts awhile back with Squinty the kitty. We found him deserted eye booger-ed and starving. I fed him day and night cleaned his eyes and took him to the vet. He was soft and needy and small… Read full post »

There it is out for all to see. My fear that when ever I find happy I must knock wood for fear I will  jinx myself. Upbringing or just how life has played out I don't know but I am going to embrace my happiness and enjoy it while it's here.

You… Read full post »

The past few years have been very hard on your lunch lady. We have been accused of causing the obesity epidemic. Why, because we have your children 180 days out of a whole year. not even for dinner and some schools not even for breakfast. I ask why and my answer… Read full post »

The other day I picked my boys up at the high school which I do four days a week so they can have time for extra help for the classes they struggle in. As the 18 year old senior gets in my truck he is smiling and he tells me I love… Read full post »

Will I miss you

When your gone

Death

Divorce

Will I miss you

Your touch

Your smile

When I'm alone

Will I miss you

  Read full post »

I saw you last night,

you were real,

you were smiling,

are you him,

the man I will meet,

the man I will love, who will love me back,

the man who will pick me up when I'm down,

share laughs with me when I'm happy,

sleep with me so we… Read full post »

When I was young

I was strong, I was caring,

I was in love,

Then my heart broke

my bridges crumbled,

my world collapsed,

I gave you my heart, my soul

you gave me back nothing but pain

  Read full post »

My sister Suzie's post has me thinking. We talked about a time my mom was gone out of state to her mothers funeral and the night I didn't come home.

I got to remembering that night and how I got there and the memory isn't pretty. I was walking home and a man… Read full post »

I have been trying to remember the last time I laughed, really laughed because I happen to have a great laugh a loud boisterous laugh, that when I do laugh everyone around knows its me and they say it makes them smile.

How long have I been just surviving, get up… Read full post »

I came into work this morning at 5 like always and it's not really cold but something is changing. Then as the sun starts to climb in the sky something draws my eyes up. We live by lakes and we live by one quiet lake not in the main part but… Read full post »

I have become contemplative this afternoon it seems. I have been up to visit my mom in the home and my sister met me there and even though our mom was unresponsive we had a good time together. As my mom's time winds to an end my sister has been posting… Read full post »

Today is my first day back at school where I work. Being a lunchlady used to be this job I loved to come to work to be. It was who I was and what I did. Something is changing and I don't know what it is. Have I been here so long,… Read full post »

                 Todd Matthew 5/10/77-5/28/78

His name was Toddy and this is his story. Not an easy story to write.

I had one son age 5 when I got pregnant again. The day I was admitted to the hospital was the day th… Read full post »