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Lunchlady 2

Lunchlady 2
March 05
I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye. I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way. I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...


AUGUST 23, 2013 8:40AM

A Dream and a Sound


media6The other night I had the most vivid dream, while I can't recall it all, it was about choosing to give up or move forward.

I remember talking to people, one, an old girlfriend, who turned out to only be about her, so I set her free, but I seem… Read full post »

AUGUST 21, 2013 8:48AM



 Once she had told the new pyschologist her story, her whole story, birth, daddy, pity poor, party girl,  death, divorce, janitor to lunchlady, the alcoholic, mother bear, more death and more death he sat back crossed his arms and stared at her for a full minute and then he sa… Read full post »

AUGUST 14, 2013 4:12PM

My Brave New Life (Iron Poet #17)

 Summer night


 She felt his strong hands in hers

his fingers gentle on her cheek

his hands brushing against hers

sending electric shocks

throughout her long lonely body.


 They laid together looking skyward

 guessing planets, Venus, Mercury

 the owls glidin… Read full post »

AUGUST 9, 2013 11:44PM

Panhandler's Blues


After my shingles shot yesterday and before my dentist appointment I went to Target. As I drove by to find a place to park I saw a young man with his small dog and a cart parked at the corner of the building.

 I smiled at him as… Read full post »

JULY 31, 2013 4:11PM

Holding Tight

That's what I have been doing, holding tight to my son even to my husband long after they are gone.

I touch something of theirs, my son's Raiders hat, the husbands knives they each give me small jolts, little electric jolts of remembrances, how much my son loved the Raiders, how… Read full post »

JULY 24, 2013 5:01PM


Late Fragment

And did you get what

you wanted from this life, even so?

I did

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself

beloved on the earth.

Raymond Carver



JULY 21, 2013 2:27PM



I seem to be caught in a web, one of my own making, one that is sticky and hard to escape from.

It seems like it has been the longest time since I relaxed and just had fun, I always feel like I have to be on guard, what if… Read full post »

JULY 11, 2013 4:02PM




 I find I am still questioning  prayer, it seems prayers are just people trying to make sense of things we can't control and throwing wishes to God to help us cope. Prayers aren't really ever answered, there are no "miracles," people live or people die, this doesn't mea… Read full post »

JULY 2, 2013 7:39PM

Why I Haven't Been Here Much

I knew I was having problems  with concentration and just not feeling "right". I signed up for Luminosity and my points were starting to go backwards, I wasn't sleeping, I ached yet everything added up to depression. I finally went back to the Dr who ran blood tests and discovered I was… Read full post »

JUNE 14, 2013 3:39PM

The Shell


She thought it would keep her safe, she thought if she could but keep out those thoughts, those memories she would be her old self, the self she was, she knew, from before those horrible times.

She woke, she worked, she slept, and she wore the face ofRead full post »

JUNE 5, 2013 8:07PM

So Lost

 Me and my boys

I don't know where to start so I am going to write, to set my thoughts to paper and in doing so try to find my way back from my self imposed isolation.

Me and Joe 


When your children die, through my eyes, you can't ever go back to what was,Read full post »

MAY 23, 2013 8:55AM


Yesterday was our field day for the K-5 and the graduates were practicing in the gym for there walk down the aisle.

It is one fast day, sack lunches for all and craziness everywhere...

In between making the sack lunches and waiting on students for snack I peeked out… Read full post »

MAY 20, 2013 8:56AM


That's me right now this week, last week, feels like forever.

I picked my first cherry tomatoes yesterday and that usually brings a smile to my face but they tasted plain and small and sad instead...

I tried, last night, to lie down and remember my son in theRead full post »

MAY 13, 2013 8:52AM

A Beautiful Story and Confusion

I was sleeping soundly Sunday morning until I heard the sound of one of my cats playing with what I thought a mouse beside my bed, upon further investigation I realized it was a small bird! I chased the cat who dropped the bird, which then laid motionless. I picked the… Read full post »

MAY 1, 2013 8:31AM

Saying Goodbye

This morning driving my one mile too work, nothing of real importance playing on my Ipod I felt a presence next to me, my son, my Joey and I reached over and touched where his leg would be and just let it rest there and started to cry, really, really cry...… Read full post »

APRIL 30, 2013 8:20AM



 I was joking with my girls at work last week and I was telling them about the psychic, what he had said and then laughingly shared with them the idea that for me to meet a man like Jesus would mean the rapture was coming in October and… Read full post »

APRIL 24, 2013 9:36AM

Happy Happy Birthday to my Sister!

Yes we are here yet again, seems these birthday's are picking up speed, just a few short years ago we were young and full of life and looking forward to what life had to offer us.

Kathy being a big sister 

We actually waited awhile longer before planning our futures which never really included college… Read full post »

APRIL 15, 2013 9:01AM

A Funny Thing Happened


I went to a psychic fair Saturday, I bought a wonderful medicine bag and some bangles for my granddaughter and then I thought what the hell and sat down with a psychic medium, world famous la de da kind of guy who charged too much and taped our conversation.Read full post »

APRIL 5, 2013 4:00PM

Coming Into the Light

 Into the Light


I realized today why I did not like how Lord Of The Rings ends, a comment by Doug Socks on my last post opened my eyes and helped me see and it made me sad but it also taught me acceptance.

Frodo throughout the story fights to do right,… Read full post »

APRIL 1, 2013 7:34PM

Just Thoughts

I suppose this title could mean these are just my thoughts or they could mean I am righteous in thinking them, entitled if you will, to feel this way.

I have been lost in the world of JRR Tolkien these past few days and in watching The Hobbit and thenRead full post »

MARCH 17, 2013 6:06PM


"Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

child's bedtime prayer - 18th century"

I used to feel that prayer was toRead full post »

I have discovered much in my stay here. I have discovered we are all still children, looking for love, acceptance and happiness. Maybe some of us don't know that, but I think it's true.

I have discovered that true love does happen. It is real and alive. I have also discovered… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 27, 2013 9:01AM

The Rabbit Hole


I called my sister last night to let her know my son’s almost fiancé is on self destruct and in the hospital again. This time she is very ill and I don’t know where this road will lead yet and I fight the guilt I feel but can’t explain whyRead full post »

FEBRUARY 24, 2013 4:34PM

Judgement and Perception

I had a class I needed to go through last week, an 8 hour school food service farm to school sort of thing where you interact with others like yourself.

I needed a haircut and to lose an immense amount of weight in a day and knew I could accomplishRead full post »

FEBRUARY 16, 2013 4:28PM

As the Mask Slips Away


Yesterday morning I  threw open all the windows, all the curtains, turning down the heater knowing I planned to sweep and mop, the broken rib be damned...and I have, only something’s changed.

Maybe it's the blue sky, the hint of spring in the air, the promise of a newRead full post »