It is 12:25 pm and I find I do my best thinking in the wee hours of the night.  I today, fully understand the power of our Savior Jesus Christ.  I am not ashamed of what I know.  It is through faith I am writing this now.   Jesus never stopped pursuing me.  No matter how many times I have failed him and sinned.  He has always been there.  He protected me during a car accident I had when I was in college and flipped my car.  He was there.  He has been showing himself to me everywhere but I couldn't see, I was too focused on this world and where I was going pridefully trying to force my way into a "better life".  I have family members  whom I felt far too overzealous who scared me and I thought "I don't want to be like that" I felt judged I always thought I would "find my own way".  I have learned it is no ones place to judge another soul.  That responsibility belongs solely to God.  

On my day off my  husband his friend and I were BBQ'ing the doorbell rang and when I answered, it was a man and a teenage boy  standing there who told me "Jesus loves you no matter what you have done"  Simple as that.  They did not push any beliefs they did not speak about the church they attended, nothing.  I was nice and said "thank you guys, wow" and they left.  I walked out to the backyard and told my husband and his friend who were half listening to me (standard operating procedure) and I laughed it off thinking that was odd but pretty cool.  Its been months since that happened I never thought much of it.  Until now.

  Lost as I was,  I was turning to horoscopes, tarot and at one point wanted to see a psychic to give me a goal and a some resolve I was heading down the right road for my career.  I was watching youtube videos on folks who were fortelling the future and women speaking to dead relatives.  I was entranced  even brought to tears on many that night.  Then the next night I saw a video of a woman who spoke of her own mother who spoke to the dead.  Her mother had gone insane with the voices overwhelming her.  The bible warns of necromancers who speak to the dead.  I soon learned the devil is a liar and will decieve and tell lies that the "dead" they are connecting to are truly demons in the action of deciet.   

I know it is hard in this day and age to do away with selfish motives and to give up that "control" we have.  But it is required of us.  Let me just say that all God wants from us is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  He wants us to love each other.  I am still in awe and gave myself to Jesus this morning.

Through all trials we endure we are being shaped and molded into what we are to become.  I have been so scared and ashamed of who I was running from myself and God, but through Christ I am clean.  Forgive yourselves Forgive others and then ask for His forgiveness.  Do not turn away when you hear his whispers.  His kingdom come.    

I am not perfect.  Nor will be this post. But I felt it had to be said.