Tracy Clark-Flory has a fascinating discussion at Broadsheet on the MotherSite today on the familiar there of the "destructiveness of pornography" in today's world.  Clark-Flory discusses an article by "Anonymous" in the National Review Online which blames the failure of her marriage on her husband's porn obsession, and the response by psychologist Helen Smith at PajamasMedia.

The article by anonymous is largely a retread of a refrain thats been around for decades, perhaps even centuries ... that "deviant sex" and pornography are an "addictive drug" that fuels unrealistic perceptions in men about relationships and the women they have them with.  There are scientific studies that seem to support this position in limited ways, and Anonymous cites some of those in her discussions to bolster her position.

Smith's response was fascinating in tackling the issue from an angle I've been thinking about for many years, but which I haven't seen fully discussed in any of the science or journalism surrounding this issue ... the differences and similarities between porn for men, and "romance novels" for women.  Smith ends her response to Anonymous with the question "does porn distort men’s attitudes as much as romance novels and Lifetime TV distort women’s?"

Smith is onto something vital here.  I've not seen any science that looks at the effects of romance novels on the relationship expectations of women ... certainly nothing to the degree that porn has been studied for its effects.  It goes deeper than just the dozens of Harlequin Romance novels on the shelf at the grocery store ... there are entire industries devoted to promoting unrealistic attitudes in women, about their bodies, their relationships, their careers, about every aspect of their lives.

The fashion industry, as has been well-documented, promotes horribly unhealthy and unrealistic body images in women today.  The relentless parade of size 0 models^* across the runways of the world has a clear effect in eating disorders and low self-esteem, and promotes an unrealistic image that few women will ever live up, and none really ever should.  Tied into the fashion industry are the diet industry and the food industry, promoting a binge and purge consumer lifestyle in food, dieting and clothes.

It goes even deeper than that however.  In the past few decades, as specialty TV and the internet has evolved, design and home makeover mavens, from Martha Stewart to Rachel Ray and beyond, have started promoting a "size 0" mentality in home and lifestyle design.  Again, largely aimed at women, this trend highlights fashions and styles that are, largely, out of the reach of the average person, promoting a lifestyle to women that is wholly unrealistic for most of their viewers.

Magazines like Cosmo and Vogue and TV powerhouses like Oprah serve as sort of an over-arching influence, bringing elements from all these unrealistic views together, largely for the consumption of women.  In Cosmo, for example, we see fashion advice, diet and food advice, dating and relationship advice, and style advice, all in one handy cover.  Readers can cavort with raucous surveys on their sex lives, or the desires of their partner, then decide what they need to wear on their next date, while they make that perfect dinner for the well-coiffed metro-man in their life.  Just be SURE not to use those awful napkins from last year, or you are sure to lose him girls.

If porn serves to promote unrealistic expectations in men, I'm willing to to accept that.  As a man who has enjoyed porn for decades, and who likely has a larger collection of porn than anyone else reading this article^**, there is no doubt in my mind that pornography has an impact on the male psyche, or on the psyche of anyone who watches it.  Media in general has an impact on what we do and how we think, and porn is no different.  I'm happy to accept that.  I'm also very happy to see some attention paid to the other side of the debate, because as unrealistic as the image of porn may be, can we really deny that women, generally, are subjected to unrealistic media impressions of relationships, sex, their bodies, and life in general from a dozen different industries that are far more culturally established than porn is.

Porn IS unrealistic.  It's a fantasy.  But that's all it is.  It's not mainstream, and despite being a multi-billion dollar industry, is generally relegated to the backwaters and alleys of the business world.  Cosmo, Oprah, Martha Stewart, haute couture, and  Jenny Craig are all pillars of that same business community.  Can there be any doubt that the image of life they present to women is unrealistic for much of the world?  They may be unrealistic in different ways, but as far as "unrealistic images" go, can there be much doubt that Cosmo and Hustler both do unrealistic pretty well?

^*  seriously, size 0????  How absurd is that, really?  Is the next big runway trend going to be NEGATIVE size models?  Imaginary sizes?  "And now, fresh from Milan, wearing the latest Couture, the next thing in modelling ... Jessice, size -4i."  Most men in the world seriously want "adult-sized" women ... anatomically correct is fairly important to most of us.

^**If anyone wants to dispute this, send me mail.  If you are serious, we probably have things the other one wants, lol