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SEPTEMBER 2, 2011 12:42PM

Satan Clarifies Involvement in New Cheney Book

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Satan sheepishly clarifies his involvement with Cheney: "I was just an observer."

In a second rare press conference in less than a week, Satan today came forward to clarify his previous statements regarding the Forward to Dick Cheney's recent book.  In a statement that was widely viewed as a shocking departure for the Prince of Darkness, Satan confirmed that he spoke without permission at the recent press juncket for "In My Time," Cheney's explosive new memoir.

"In recent days," the Dark Lord began meekly, "it's been made clear to myself and my legal team that we stated our involvement with Mr. Cheney's book, and policies, too strongly."  Clearing his throat, clearly uncomfortable in his uncommon secondary role Satan continued with his prepared statement before the assembled reporters.  "While we were clearly WITH Mr. Cheney during many of the events covered by the new book, I need to make it clear that Satan and Underworld Inc were only involved in the project as interested observers.  We want to be clear that Mr. Cheney was running the show the whole time."

While Satan refused to open the floor to official questions, the CEO of Underworld Inc did mill about with reproters after the event, informally enjoying a wine and cheese reception.  "It's rare that I get out to social events," he candidly confessed, "and you have no idea how hard it is to find a well-chilled Chablis in Hell."

Many members of the press felt more was learned during the informal reception than the formal news conference.  Requesting anonymity, one reporter from a major US daily reported Satan, on his 5th glass of Chablis, confessed that Cheney surprised even him.  "I mean, usually, I'm the one in charge of things, you know?" the Dark Lord was quoted as lamenting.  "But Dick, man ... he was coming up with shit that made MY horns curl."  Satan reportedly shook his head, staring into his wine forlornly.  "It's humbling to know that there's someone out there who can still teach me a few things," Satan mumbled, before being quickly escorted away from the event by his handlers.

In a rare unguarded moment, Cheney seemed to confirm Satan's secondary status in the events of the book.  "Ya, he was there," Cheney said disdainfully, but really, the guy is a bit of an amateur.  We liked his operation and his goals, but his methods were so outdated.  We figured he could learn something to improve his own operations if we let him observe."

(Hat tip to the always genius Borowitz Report for the original "scoop" ... easy to run with such a well-thrown ball) 

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Comments

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This is so funny, I must share it. Perfect pitch for the Cheney book hoopla.
Please share away ... Borowitz had the original genius concept ... I just grabbed the ball and ran with it :)
Satan is beginning to look his age! Demented Satan or Satan with dementia, don't know which is scarier!