I had just finished making the rounds, dropping off client gifts, and was headed to the mall for some last minute Christmas shopping.   I have really been in the Christmas spirit this year!   The radio was tuned to holiday music and I was cruising along talking to a friend on the phone.  And then I saw it.

 "Oh My God!"

"What?"

"I think the car in front of me has a ball sack!"

Silence.  "What did you say?"

"I am hanging up.  I HAVE to take a picture.  I will call you back."

I maneuvered my car closer while finding the camera controls on my Blackberry.  They just outlawed texting while driving in my state, but they never said anything about taking photographs while driving.

 Would you like a little closer look.....

WTF???  I am both repulsed and fascinated at the same time.  This car in front of me has a scrotum hanging out from under it! What kind of person would make something like this, attach it to their vehicle and then drive it around a major metropolitan area? Who would do this?  What ARE they thinking? 

 I tried to put it out of my mind.   Think Christmas,  _{car nuts ,} think Santa, _{ball sack,} think happy, _{car scrotum,} joy, peace, blah, blah, blah.   I found a parking spot at the mall.  I had a few small things to get;  a watchband to fit my son's watch, some stocking stuffers at The Gap.   I watched a baby sit on Santa's lap.  People are laughing.  It's all good. 

I start to leave  when I glanced in the window of Spencers.  What did I see but:

I later found out they even come in gold and chrome!   

These car balls are being MASS PRODUCED!!!

I'm sorry. 

I am not a prude. 

I really am not. 

But what has happened to common decency?  What if I had my 13 year old son in the car.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"What is that hanging out from that car?"

"Ummm.  I am not quite sure."

"It looks like balls, mom."

"Ummm.  Yes, it kind of does."

"Mom, is that a ball sack?"

"Ummm.  Looks like it."

Pause....

"Can I get some for my car when I'm 16?"

What's next?  Phallic hood ornaments?  Breast shaped headlights?  

When I was a kid, "The Fall of the Roman Empire" always sounded like such a profound, tragic event.  Years later I learned that this "event" occurred over 500 years.  

I have a feeling  it started with "Chariot Nutz".