Fuck yeah.

Childfree and happy about it too...cheers, you selfish thing.

As a mom, I fully support your choice to eat your own Animal Crackers. Great post.

One of my biggest fears about having kids is how much it would cut into my Xbox time. Pathetic, I realize.

Great post

hahahahha.
Right on, sista. I'm happy in my barren, childless existence too.

You're my kind of person. Well, except maybe the handgun thing. =o) I have about as much need for one as I do for a charging rhino. And more need for the charging rhino than I do for kids. It's really a mercy, I don't want to inflict myself and my lack of patience for the limitations of their age on the delicate growing psyches of the very young. SO rated.

Good for you, MT. I'm enjoying my barren childless existence, although within a year or two I plan on changing that -- but I'm enjoying it NOW.

now that i think upon it..i'd like to go to europe for a month too!..

do you suppose if i were to attach some cat ears to my kids head and super glued a tail to his ass..the kennel might accept him?

first stop LONDON!!

Pretty much.

Sometimes you'll get an accusation of being selfish for not having children, and you'll have to stop and think, "You're saying I'm selfish with respect to people who do not actually exist? How's that again?"

Tomorrow, if I were so inclined, I could toss my cats in a kennel and go to Europe for a month.

My wife and I did this (I did a month-long stint of research in Germany several years ago), though we were between cats at the time. And a few years ago we moved to California for a year (again, where I did some work). It would have been a lot tougher with kids. As much as I like all my nieces and nephews, who are great.

As a "breeder", I would never give a childless person any grief. You're right -- it's a life choice, a valid one at that. It's definitely not for everyone. There are plus-points and minus-points for any lifestyle -- I definitely miss being able to do whatever I wanted on the spur of the moment, or blow a wad of cash on a "big boy" toy.

However, I will never... EVER... go to a Jonas Brothers/Miley Cyrus concert. That's what grandmothers are for. :)

It's so funny you posted this; I was working on something about this triggered by Scoubido's spirograph post!

Thumbitty thumbed.

Boy those pre-kid days were fun. Full of "just the two of us" adventure, travel as a couple to exotic places, and occasional naughtiness. We dreaded losing that when I we became parents. So we didn't lose it. ;)

Not a hint of argument from me, Mad Typist. The "you must have children" crowd is always boring and irritating. Just a bug in your ear that if your sentiments ever change, it's entirely possible to ensure that parenthood doesn't equal loss of edge, freedom or treasured quirk.

#3 and #8 are probably the main reasons why I'm enjoying the same existence. My girlfriend and I have been together for many years - and during the rash of marriages among our friends a few years back we were constantly hounded by people asking us when we were getting married. Now those same folks are all squirting out children and will probably start asking again. Shudder.

Not to say that I will always wish to remain childless (I mean, I guess anything is possible), but right now I'm enjoying leaving my porn on the table next to my booze. Rated for prioritizing!

Rated for "don't let the breeders get you down." Awesome.

I thought the :you'll change your mind comments only came from sweet little old ladies at family reunions. Sorry for those of you who have to deal with that.

I admit...I had children so I could have grandchildren someday so I could dress them up cute, get them all messy and send them back home charged up for revenge. Just being honest here.
I guess that means I have to inflict my bias on my daughters, then... woops. Didn't think that one through.

Hey, you know what? I think just like there is a Mother's Day or Father's Day - maybe we should have a Barren Day...you are absolutely right, this is a personal choice and no one's business but yours. Rated for FUNNY! especially the part about alcohol and Vegas.

OK, parent here, but not angry. I'm CRYING over here, I'm laughing so hard. I mean it. My stomach hurts.

I'm laughing, and cheering, 'cause tho' this gig is gorgeous, it's grueling; I love it, and it drives me effing nuts, and I'm more sure than I was before I had kids that it is not for everyone and certainly not the only valid life choice.

Soooo rated....

i wish i had had your presence of mind and "selfishness" before breeding. unfortunately, i followed conventional bullshit and ended up a mother. we have a retarded daughter. as much as i love her, (and it is quite a lot), i wish i had chosen differently. i am far too impatient, emotional, and angry...

Long before we started dating, my husband and I had each realized that we would not make good parents. His reasons look a LOT like your list, mine had more to do with my lifelong battles with depression, Tourette's Syndrome, severe headaches & a few other health issues, plus my temper. I've gained a lot of control over it through the years, but even now I'll have times where I just lash out (verbally) so quickly I don't have a chance to stop myself. We've now been married almost 15 years and have never once regretted our decision.

I have to say it's been refreshing to read through the comments to your post and not see the usual "oh, you'll change your mind" comments or comments about how you're letting society down by not contributing to the great genetic pool. I've noticed in the last couple of years that there seems to be a lot more acceptance of people choosing not to have children, and that's been really nice, too!

Thanks for all the nice comments, folks!

@Sheldon - my fear is the same thing. How will I ever finish grinding out the 30 hour quests in Persona 4 and Fable 2 if my time is consumed by children? That's something I actually think about all the time.

@Cam - I'm probably too lazy to keep my life appropriately debaucherous and crazy once kids show up. I do, however, have mad respect for you parents out there who retain your own individual identities and lives even after your kids show up.

@Leonde - word. I think we should lobby for "SINK and DINK day", a.k.a. "Thanks for leaving more resources for my own kids! day" (SINK = single income no kids, and DINK = double income no kids).

@Thor - I have noticed a shift change in the way pop culture addresses these sort of life choices. For example, it wasn't that long ago that a familiar sitcom trope was the single girl who was horrified that she wasn't married by age 30. Now, I see a lot more examples of men and women in pop culture who are willfully not married or with child, and that's a great thing. :)

I wish you wrote this before I had kids!! hehehehehe
Thumbs up for your choice. There are enough unwanted children out there.

I just had an odd thought - are your cats being affected by their exposure to guns and porn? Has there ever been a case of a shooting by a cat?
Lol... rated!

Cymraeg - my one cat, Rigby, has weird behavioral issues. I attribute that to the porn and his capnip addictions.

As for the guns... let's just say I'm glad those little furry bastards don't have opposeable thumbs

In a world of seven billion people, I picture having children like this: I'm on a life raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with my wife, who snuggles up to me and says "Let's make some salt water."

The day I was born, the population of the U.S. was 144 million. The air in the countryside was clean and traffic was bearable. Since that time, the population has more than doubled, like Sherwin-Williams paint's slogan "Cover the Earth."

For every child born, open spaces have to be covered with schools, highways, bowling alleys, shopping centers, laundromats, restaurants, day care centers, apartments, doctors' offices, houses, hospitals, etc., etc., etc., etc.,.......

So enjoy your freedom. You're helping your planet by leaving your children in Heaven.

As 'great' as it is to have a child, they're a life sentence. A friend told me to remember back when I was pregnant, and got up in the middle of the night to pee because of the pressure the baby put on my bladder. She told me that was the last full night of sleep I was going to have for the next 20 years. She was right. I love my kids, but if I had it to do over, I would not have children. My friends mostly feel the same way.

Thanks for recognizing that this is not the right job for you. That isn't being selfish, that's being intelligent. It's like choosing not to a brain surgeon cause you can't stand the sight of blood.

rated.

Everything you said is true for being single, too!

YES! I am with you in not having children and loving that life. I am in my 50's and no children and none will be coming. I have enough nieces and nephews and great ones to spoil and then send home with their tired parents. My bedroom /art room can be a mess and it stays that way until I change it..no little ones to poke and mess things up worse than they are. I love all my nieces and nephews and their families but I love being alone. (Husband died as we were divorcing several years ago).

Good post - I'm with you on the animal crackers...

I only wish that more people that SHOULDN'T have kids, WOULDN'T have kids...but I'm not judgemental or anything...

wish I'd known you 25 years ago--I never saw myself as a mother either (although I'd kill myself if anything ever happened to them!)

i hear ya sister. after one kid, i realized i wasn't the fatherly type. so i get her raised and what do i do? take on a woman with three of her own. what am i, stupid?

Rock on! Loved it. Your title alone floored me.

"Up in your grill." Too effin' funny. I can't tell you how many times I hear the "you don't know what you're missing" lecture, with their under disciplined child screeching in the background. I think self, "But I do, I do know what I'm missing. THAT!"

I wonder if we can suggest to the parents that THEY might change their mind at some point? Wouldn't that be scandalous? (And undoubtedly the thought has occurred!)

It's about time that the big mouthed, insulting mom-zillas had a smackdown.

It gets my goat when a "D" average mother tries to brag about the lousy job that she's doing while castigating those of us who wouldn't (or couldn't) have children.

Good job, done with humor.

Well done! As I always tell my childfree friends: I breed so you don't have to.

perfect article, perfect timing for me. a family friend - the patriarch of a family of breeders with all of their own problems - just asked my mother when I would stop "playing" and settle down. at twenty-eight, educated and successful, but childless and "living in sin," I can't agree with you more. thank you!

I hear you! You cannot imagine the physical pain the Noggin channel can inflict on you.
After we had kids my wife longer allowed me to watch boxing. She didn't want the boys to turn violent. That's a real bummer for me. Luckily my older boy is already starting to practice random acts of violence- it just comes naturally to him. Hopefully that will convince my wife to overturn the ban... on the legal basis of 'fait accompli!

Well our kids are all grown now, so we're back to enjoying that kind of freedom. It was a fine adventure while it lasted, but now and again we even find ourselves feeling put-upon by an ill-timed phone call from one of them. Other times it's "Why don't they call?".

Hum, that is your perogative, you are far from alone, I think in this day and age, it's going in the opposite direction. In other words people are choosing not to have kids. I think it is kind of sad for other reasons, besides that it's expensive. It is also the shift in parenting styles, jobs, life styles. So if it it's in your best interest to not have kids, and like you said, blow your money on stuff that you and your hasband can enjoy, that is perfectly fine. At least you have you sisters kids, you can enjoy. But, there are other areas, that latter in life you might regret. It is not easy, as it would be for people who are parents of children, then for some reason wish they would not have had them. It is a sad commentary, there is a time in life to raise cane, go about being who you are, but there is also a time in life, to replant the seeds and nurter and care for what sprouts up. Don't forget, you were once sewen the same way, created by a being who felt that new start, a new identity, would be born to show and to later teach, what was shared with him or her. Life is precious, the only reason it changes continously is because people tend to look for new ideas, new ways of expressing ideas, it is what makes the human race work.

Kudos, NOT kiddos to you.
I have no kids that I know of and do NOT want to find out.
I did help raise two boys who were someone else's fault and, it was a break for me that their mother shared my love of fishing, golf, guns, hunting and hockey.
So, these became those.

Also, I wonder whether anyone owns a footgun.
I have rifles and pistols and shotguns.
I have no 'handguns" as, I have no need to use an invented scareword which is also a buzzword for the ignorant.
ALL my guns are held in my hand(s).
Some women are held in my arms.
Would I call them armwomen?
I'm sorry to hijack your blog butt, I feel like I'm on a roll.
I just came back from the gym and, my body & mind are going good.lol

I have a couple of friends who are women who share our ways.
One sees no need for that other thing which is due to a lack of a real relationship~~marriage.
She sees no advantage in breeding either.
The other neat, intelligent woman is a teacher.
She has experienced enough torture due to others' breeding that she knows she'll never contribute to that pool.

I have:
a house
three boats
two trucks
a Jaguar convertible
a lot of "stuff", some of which are collectibles, etc.
FREEEEEEEEEEEEE time
time to golf
time to fish
time for this
time to just fuck off
time to shut it all off and enjoy the silent blackness
I have hockey teeth. If I don't want to wear them, I don't.
I don't "need" to be presentable all the time
Nobody takes my last piece of pie, etc
Nobody talks just when there's something I wanna hear.
I get a lot of socialising in my business, at the gym, golfing, talking to strangers at the store.
I'm 70
I've never been this old before
I have a full head of blond hair


Wait a fucking minute!!
Whose blog is this anyway??

Sorry, I'll shut up now and enjoy being single and bratless.

Your list was definitely funny, mad_typist. As a mom, I can identify with missing most of those things (though I won't confess to any pre-kid stash of porn & handguns, whether it's true or not, and the childproofing has definitely proven useful for the grown-ups, too). And I can totally see how it would be annoying to have people tell you that you need to or should want to have kids. None of anyone else's damn business, right? I know I don't feel any personal stake in whether my friends choose kids or no kids and support them in whatever they decide. But you know what else is annoying? Referring to people who *do* decide to have children as 'breeders'. It's insulting. That may be one cause of the nasty emails/comments you reference. No one likes being told what they should/shouldn't do and no one likes being called names, either.

I too am tired of people telling me that I'll "get over it," like I have a virus or something. Just because I can have children does not mean I should. (I have a snow-blower but won't drag it out in July--"just because I can").
I'm glad to see the term "childfree" used in previous comments. I consider myself chilfree, not childless.
Kudos sister!

I just have to say....I agree with everything you just said...except the cats and the gym!

Here are my 2 cents worth (and keep in mind, I am a woman, so I may spend a little more than that!).

I too felt that when I informed people of my intentions not to have children, you would have thought that I told them I was instead going to start my own one woman campaign to wipe out the human race! All I can say is, you wouldn't want my mutant children anyway. Plus, I would screw them up big time.

I don't hate children! I have a gift that many people say is extraordinary to be able to reach children on a level that brings out something different in every child. However, the thing I love the most, is spoiling them rotten and...giving them back! Plus, I have the most beautiful niece in the world and love her with all my heart! I just enjoy being an Aunt to her and a mom to my Greta...who, by the way is a beautiful dog!

Now here are my reasons why I enjoy my barren, childfree existence:

1: when I leave Greta at home in the crate, Child Services doesn't show up raising three kinds of hell and carting me off to jail... that would be sooooo inconvenient!

2: I only have to stock chicken nuggets when my niece comes to visit!

3: There has never been a PB&J sandwich stuck into ANY dvd or bluray player in my house! (also a plus to being single! I will add here a plus to being single...barring a break-in, when I get home, all my stuff is exactly where I left it!)

4: I get to be the cool Aunt instead of the responsible parent! (sorry, sis, had to be said!)

5: When the question, "where do babies come from?" comes up, I get to leave the room and quite possibly the country! (or, send instructional videos!)

I realize that people don't like the anti-childbearing women out there, but we are here, living amongst you. We come in peace...really. For me, I grew up being the one who couldn't wait to get married and have kids and my sister was the one who was the one who vowed to be eternally single. Now, she's happily married with a beautiful daughter and plans to have more and I am the complete polar opposite. Funny how things change...but, we all end up where we are supposed to be. Don't fight it, embrace it!

As someone who has a child I've never understood the pressure put upon those who want to remain childless. Some people aren't meant to have kids and realize that. My aunt was like a second mother to me. Apparently she told my Mom when they were very young that she wasn't having kids. "You have them and I'll help." She was a great Aunt she's been gone for almost two years and it was like losing a parent. Just because you don't have children does not mean you can pass on love, guidance and wisdom to future generations of your family.

...and I do miss my Playstation 3 time.

As a mom, I totally envy you. No nasty comments here!

My sister chose not to have chldren, either. Instead, she prefers dogs. As she put it, "Dogs only live about 15 years or so, if that. If I screw my dog up, spoil it, whatever, it's not going to live long. But if I had children and screwed them up, their dysfunction and problems will be with me until I'm dead!"

Another point: I come across many parents who have discovered that parenting is waaaaaay harder than they thought...and many will admit in secret whispers, that they wish they didn't have kids!!

I think you meant this to be "just because you don't have children doesn't mean you can't pass on love"...because I get what you're saying, that you loved your Aunt like a second mother. You sound like you have genuine love in your heart for her still. I hope that my niece grows up with that kind of love for me. This is humor with a heart! I am also unable to have them now! But, with the career that I have...I am in forensics...what I see from day to day...I also have different views now on the world. So, I do what I do and I try not to bring it home. But, no matter what, if you are human, and I am, it stays with you...and you can't let the people you love become part of that world. So, I have made sacrifices. But, I enjoy my life. All of that was true, I like a life of solitude. Greta, my pup is my best friend and all I require right now. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Someday it might, heck, I am brilliant and good at what I do, who knows? But, I know that I am happy with who I am, I like the person I have become and if I have to settle down with me...that's not so bad!

#9:

You can leave your vibrator out in plain sight, next to the porn and the handguns.

Appreciate you choosing not to pollute the gene pool anymore than it is. You have saved countless people the stress of having to put up with your spawn in public.

Also, thanks for the laughs...

i think there is a not a mom alive who doesnt, at times, wish she had made the same decision.
i have been lucky, and that feeling is very rare - but getting less rare as the teen years approach.
i felt it for maybe a total of 1 minute up to age 10.
and then since then, umm, its increased till that dumpy motel efficiency sometimes looks very very attractive.

and a funny post, too.

some people live to dance. some live to garden. why? because they are good at it and it brings great joy and personnal satisfaction to their lives....basicly, i understand. i am the end product of a female who should never had children....but she did....may she burn in hell. saddly, i have a soul that only ever wanted to be someones wife and someones mother. to be alloowed to love and be loved in return....if it is alive and it stays still for more than 3 seconds, i will mother it. doesnt matter what-dogs-cats-ratty neighbor kids.even frogs and preying mantis...yah,even bugs. years ago, i had a very tiny mixed terrior. all of 5 lbs. very like me ..didnt want sex but wanted babies. she had a small rubber hippo toy that she would nesttle up against her tits to nurse. she carried it every where. if she got tired of carrying it she would cry and beg me to pick both her and her "baby" up. tough being a virgin in the late 60's and early 70's. tough if you only wanted to be loved and not used like a piece of toilet paper and thrown away. i, too, am single and childless. two sides of a single coin, you and i ....i was once contacted by an old frined(not quite lover but pretty darn close)i told him that all the children i might have had had been thrown out with the trash or flushed down the toilet every month....sound painful? it is when the person is possibly the only man you have ever felt close to,safe with. i am very happy for you. really. you were lucky to be able to figure out who you were before biology kicked in. too bad the generation my mother came from didnt know they had that option. i wish you all the best .

You MUST check out www.vhemt.org

It's hard to refute the logic. And it just feels right.

Loved this.

I love how people who want children (not necessarily people who have them!) tell you that you're selfish for not wanting them, as though their reasons for wanting children were all about...saving the world? Feeding the poor? I don't get it.

The Boyfriend and I established on the third date that there would be no children, and that pretty much sealed the deal. I admire my friends who are parents, and I know they experience things I never will, but I wouldn't trade my childless life for anything.

Great post, though (even though I get your humor) it maybe should have titled "why I love my fulfilling childfree life" ;-)

As a near geezer who got a vasectomy at 18, I share your joy.

One thing you could have added to your list is your esteemed and exalted status as someone who has contributed much more to the environment than most on the planet. You have had far more beneficial impact on the planet by not reproducing that any mere recycling soccer mom with kids can hope for.

See www.paulchefurka.ca for more on overpopulation.

I find children absolutely wonderful. On television.

I love my Xbox time and sleeping in...

Here, have some more salt, you seem to be out... Shall I make fresh perforations for you to pour on? :-D

I am 48 and although I love my nieces and nephew, I never wanted children of my own. I use my spare change traveling whenever I want to.

Thank you 100 times over!

My (now ex) husband had a vasectomy during his first marriage after they had decided to have only one kid. So, I had that excuse for not having more kids. I also have lupus and a collection of other health issues, so I'm allowed that excuse as well - to an extent.

The truth is, though, that I've hated having to use excuses. I never wanted to have kids and am not a "natural mother" type. It's not that I don't like kids, I still love my former stepdaughter, nieces and nephews. I just don't think I could be a full-time mom. I've known this my whole life and get livid over the "you're so selfish" comments I still hear. The world's population is growing exponentially. It's perfectly OK to not have kids. Fuck the petty people who think otherwise.

Gratefully rated.

Rated for child-free solidarity. :)

Sorry, guys, I have been sick and so haven't been online for a couple of days...yet another reason I am lucky to have only Greta! I didn't have to force myself to get out of bed (possibly prolonging the misery or making it worse) to take care of my offspring! I just made sure she had her food, water and got to go outside to do her business and then she crawled into bed with me and stayed there until I felt better! She's so good!

On the flip side...my fellow childfree, carefree sisters in arms, sit back and enjoy...and maybe put on an ADULT diaper, because this is a story you are going to love!!!

Two days ago, my sister sent me a couple of pics from California of my beautiful niece (she will be 2 in May) while they were at the mall with one of her little friends to see the Easter Bunny...do you capitalize bunny...that looks weird...anyway. I texted back a reply and it was if my sis had dropped off the edge of the planet. Now, being in California, this is entirely possible. But, about an hour later I got a phonecall.

She was in the car driving home. Here are the events as relayed to me by my sister. They sat down to lunch and my niece was picking through her lunch, only wanting Mandaring oranges. Sis didn't think too much of this being that these were, after all, one of her all time favorites. After inhaling 5 slices in quick succession, her eyes got wide and a split second later the food court table and the entire party of friends was covered in last nights chow mein.

Now, my sis's friend (the mother of the little girl with the four of them) helped clean up the mess, gave my sister a tee shirt and there she was in a white tee, a diaper and sandals...needless to say, the Kentucky realatives are proud...that's a fashion statement!

They get to the car, she straps her in and 2 or 3 minutes into the ride...the Mandarin oranges make their reappearance! My sister's friend was on the phone and happened to be right behind them. So, in her Robin-like, supermom sidekick role, she pulls into a parking lot behind my sister and proceeds to help her clean up the mess for the second time.

This is where I come into the story. I am on the phone when my sister realizes that she failed to get all of the oranges...my niece had hidden some, thinking, hey, shouldn't let those go to waste! Those look like perfectly good oranges! So, my sister, who doesn't have the iron stomach that I have (forensics, you know) is driving with all the windows down and saying, "no honey, don't eat the throw-up, throw-up is yucky"...her child looks at her and says, "no momma, oranges nummy!" I am laughing so hard! This is, of course, right as she throws up again. My sister says, "at least it's not my car".

So, being the good sis I am, I sent her and her husband my forensic tips for getting the vomit smell out of the car. The bad news is, my niece is still really sick. Good news is, she's getting better. More good news, wasn't my car...and it's 3000 miles away!

So, another plus to not having kids...I almost always make it to the toilet before the the nasty comes out! If not, I have some excellent skills to make it appear as if nothing ever happened!

Gotta admit, I really wanted to have my own kids but I'm bona fide barren (got the doctor's records to prove it)... but that doesn't stop breeders from making all sorts of wrong assumptions about why we're childless/childfree (whatever!), which drives me bat shit at times. As a recovering Catholic, I don't need any help feeling guilty about the fact that I can spend my time and money any way I please.