100 Worst Movies of the 2000s
Now, I got a lot of crap from friends about my non-review review of G.I. Joe, with many of them stating that I wasn't allowed to diss a movie I hadn't seen. I mostly thought, "Well, if it looks like shit, stars actors that I know are shitty, and/or are directed by shitty directors... it probably is safe to avoid because it's probably shit and I don't need to throw 10 bucks away to prove something I already know." In other words, while you shouldn't judge ALL books by their covers, I think it's still fair to judge SOME books by their covers. I mean.... how good could this be:
Anyway... Courtesy of the Onion AV Club, I stumbled upon Rotten Tomatoes' "100 Worst Reviewed Films of the last decade." The fact that I've managed to avoid seeing almost ANY of these proves to me that my policy regarding judging certain films from their trailers and advance reviews is certainly a good way to keep from wasting your hard earned dollars. From that list, here are the Worst Films I've actually seen, along with my excuse (feel free to peruse the list and share in the comments section which ones you've seen and why):
#94 - The New Guy
Okay, I saw this movie mostly because D.J. Qualls was pretty funny in Road Trip, and because it has Eliza Dushku in it. And at one point in the movie, Eliza rides a mechanical bull in a very seductive fashion. That fact, plus the fact that there are at least 5-6 legitimately funny parts of this movie, make it a decent enough experience that I don't regret seeing this in the theaters for the cost of a matinee ticket.
92 - Babylon A.D.
I didn't pay to see this movie, but caught it when it came around on HBO. I was curious to see how it was, because the trailer was amazing, so I thought at a bare minimum it'd probably have good special effects. Plus, it starred Vin Diesel and Michelle Yeoh, who are both great action stars and freakishly charismatic even when saddled with poor material. I was well aware that the movie was a potential disaster, because the fights between the director, star and studio are pretty well documented. And yeah... it was pretty much a hot mess. Since I saw it for free and was really really bored at the time, I can't feel too bad about watching this. There were several moments where the film hinted at the decent story it COULD have been, given better circumstances.
70 - New Best Friend
Another one that I caught on cable. I'm not sure why I watched this, other than the glee I probably felt watching Mia Kirshner's obnoxious character get killed on screen. Trashy and terrible stuff.
47 - Soul Survivors
I watched this because it had Eliza Dushku in it. And clearly, I can't be trusted to make good decisions when she's involved (see: my comments for #94 on this list, plus my endless prattling about Dollhouse). This one is ALMOST in the category of "So bad, it's good".
42 - House of the Dead
You know what? This is one of my favorite bad movies of all time. It's biggest "stars" are Clint Howard and Jürgen Prochnow. It has a cast of 30+ year old actors attempting to pass themselves off as teenagers in the wood for a "rave" (one of the worst raves ever committed to screen, by the way). For no reason, it features a female character who spends the entire movie running around in a jumpsuit emblazoned with red and white stripes, with one breast featuring a blue background with white stars. And her name is Liberty (get it? get it?). And to top it off, it's directed by the master of schlock, Uwe Boll. I watch this shit at least once a year. It's a special, special film that can only be appreciated with a fifth of vodka and a close group of friends who will help you heckle this one. LOVE IT.
27 - Battlefield Earth
Another film you shouldn't apologize for seeing. This is one of my favorite "comedy that doesn't know it's a comedy" kind of movies. Gloriously cheesey. Vain and self indulgent. Worthy of the finest MST3K treatment. I celebrate this film in all its terribleness.
26 - Kickin' It Old Skool
It's a terrible film that I was nonetheless happy to watch. There are a few good chuckles in here. I don't know... maybe the Jamie Kennedy Experiment finally wore me down to the point where I submitted to his comedic charms (seriously, did you see the episode with Bob Saget?). I was also optimistic, because Kennedy's last film Malibu's Most Wanted was actually much better than people gave it credit for. The same, sadly, cannot be said of this film.
23 - The In Crowd
I love when movies about romantic rivals (in this case, two blandly hot chicks) are really more about the homoerotic subtext between the two characters. Yes, the maintext was about the two girls fighting over the stud in the cardigan. But the delicious lesbian subtext was pretty epic. Plus, there was murder(!) involved. Good enough for me, though I wouldn't exactly recommend this to anyone other than a true connoisseur of so-bad-it's-good cinema.
1 - Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
Not only did I see this in a theater for full price, I actually convinced an entire group of friends to go see it with me. I.... have no excuse. There aren't enough adjectives in the English language to describe what a total failure this film is.
Anyway... Courtesy of the Onion AV Club, I stumbled upon Rotten Tomatoes' "100 Worst Reviewed Films of the last decade." The fact that I've managed to avoid seeing almost ANY of these proves to me that my policy regarding judging certain films from their trailers and advance reviews is certainly a good way to keep from wasting your hard earned dollars. From that list, here are the Worst Films I've actually seen, along with my excuse (feel free to peruse the list and share in the comments section which ones you've seen and why):#94 - The New Guy
Okay, I saw this movie mostly because D.J. Qualls was pretty funny in Road Trip, and because it has Eliza Dushku in it. And at one point in the movie, Eliza rides a mechanical bull in a very seductive fashion. That fact, plus the fact that there are at least 5-6 legitimately funny parts of this movie, make it a decent enough experience that I don't regret seeing this in the theaters for the cost of a matinee ticket.
92 - Babylon A.D.
I didn't pay to see this movie, but caught it when it came around on HBO. I was curious to see how it was, because the trailer was amazing, so I thought at a bare minimum it'd probably have good special effects. Plus, it starred Vin Diesel and Michelle Yeoh, who are both great action stars and freakishly charismatic even when saddled with poor material. I was well aware that the movie was a potential disaster, because the fights between the director, star and studio are pretty well documented. And yeah... it was pretty much a hot mess. Since I saw it for free and was really really bored at the time, I can't feel too bad about watching this. There were several moments where the film hinted at the decent story it COULD have been, given better circumstances.
70 - New Best Friend
Another one that I caught on cable. I'm not sure why I watched this, other than the glee I probably felt watching Mia Kirshner's obnoxious character get killed on screen. Trashy and terrible stuff.
47 - Soul Survivors
I watched this because it had Eliza Dushku in it. And clearly, I can't be trusted to make good decisions when she's involved (see: my comments for #94 on this list, plus my endless prattling about Dollhouse). This one is ALMOST in the category of "So bad, it's good".
42 - House of the Dead
You know what? This is one of my favorite bad movies of all time. It's biggest "stars" are Clint Howard and Jürgen Prochnow. It has a cast of 30+ year old actors attempting to pass themselves off as teenagers in the wood for a "rave" (one of the worst raves ever committed to screen, by the way). For no reason, it features a female character who spends the entire movie running around in a jumpsuit emblazoned with red and white stripes, with one breast featuring a blue background with white stars. And her name is Liberty (get it? get it?). And to top it off, it's directed by the master of schlock, Uwe Boll. I watch this shit at least once a year. It's a special, special film that can only be appreciated with a fifth of vodka and a close group of friends who will help you heckle this one. LOVE IT.
27 - Battlefield Earth
Another film you shouldn't apologize for seeing. This is one of my favorite "comedy that doesn't know it's a comedy" kind of movies. Gloriously cheesey. Vain and self indulgent. Worthy of the finest MST3K treatment. I celebrate this film in all its terribleness.
26 - Kickin' It Old Skool
It's a terrible film that I was nonetheless happy to watch. There are a few good chuckles in here. I don't know... maybe the Jamie Kennedy Experiment finally wore me down to the point where I submitted to his comedic charms (seriously, did you see the episode with Bob Saget?). I was also optimistic, because Kennedy's last film Malibu's Most Wanted was actually much better than people gave it credit for. The same, sadly, cannot be said of this film.
23 - The In Crowd
I love when movies about romantic rivals (in this case, two blandly hot chicks) are really more about the homoerotic subtext between the two characters. Yes, the maintext was about the two girls fighting over the stud in the cardigan. But the delicious lesbian subtext was pretty epic. Plus, there was murder(!) involved. Good enough for me, though I wouldn't exactly recommend this to anyone other than a true connoisseur of so-bad-it's-good cinema.
1 - Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
Not only did I see this in a theater for full price, I actually convinced an entire group of friends to go see it with me. I.... have no excuse. There aren't enough adjectives in the English language to describe what a total failure this film is.
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Are you going to do a review of Whip It? Cause it kicked major ass and needs some promotion. :)
R
Reinforced my opinion that Most People Are Stupid.
Whoever greenlighted this gaggle of turkeys (OK, I know turkeys don't gaggle--what do they do? Turkle?) should pretty much just go back to the clinic to have the lobotomy finished.
Oy.
Fun read.
And BTW, I'm hating Dollhouse this season. Ballard is creepy, Eliza still can't act and I need way more Sierra and Victor.
rated
Really, you can trace my loathing for the Wayans brothers back to Marlon's performance in D&D.
Jennifer Garner seems to have trouble getting her mouth to close completely through the whole thing. It's either pursed, or in an "o" formation, as she sells her bone structure as hard as she can. Can't explain it - you'd have to see... but no, save yourself.
75 son of the mask -- watched the second half. It was stupid, but somewhat charming
64 corky romano -- Seen it in fits and starts, it was on Comedy Central a bunch at one point
61 good luck chuck -- I own this (gift) never watched it
49 in the name of the king -- Saw this. In the Theatres. On a date no less. Actually it was totally unintentionally hilarious
1 Ballistic: ecks vs sever -- watched the first 10 minutes or so before being too bored to continue
I maintain that Message in a Bottle and Dark Harbor are worse than all of these.
Mungular, I'm feeling kind of the same about Dollhouse. Ballard makes me want to blow my rape whistle. I want to know what the hell is going on with Boyd and Whiskey! And I liked Echo better when she was completely brain-wiped.
Here's my sad, long list of awful movies:
#95 – Lost Souls – I stood up and began swearing as soon as the credits rolled and I didn’t stop till I got in my car. This was Winona’s downfall long before she started shoplifting.
#90 – Dragonfly
#74 – Envy – The only funny part was when Walken’s buddy told Stiller to tell Walken “Up your ass with Mobil gas”.
#64 – Corky Romano – It was on cable and I was hungover.
#57 – Godsend
#50 – Dirty Love – It really does have some funny parts to it. What am I saying? No, it doesn’t.
#43 – Darkness – I don’t even remember it but I know I saw it.
#42 – House of the Dead – Jesus. Beasley. Awful.
#40 – Down to You – Once again, I was hungover and it was on cable.
#36 – The Whole Ten Yards
#30 – Fear Dot Com
#15 – Alone in the Dark
That was depressing.
I haven't seen any movies from the list. But these are ones I'd kinda like to see:
99. Glitter: Why? This was the Mariah Carey meltdown period. I have a sick and sad fascination with melting popcicles, er, pop stars.
83. Doogal: Why? The poster.
79. The Adventures of Pluto Nash: Why? I can't imagine how bad the worst Eddie Murphy movie could be.
73. Gigli: Why? The death of J. Lo's career, more or less.
69. The Cookout: Why? Storm P, Ja Rule, Queen Latifah. None of these are real names.
56. Because I Said So: Why? Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Piper Perabo. They're all old enough to know better.
49. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale: Why? Man crush alert! Statham. Jason Statham. And that title. More unwieldy than a 50 pound broadsword.
27. Battlefield Earth: Why? Travolta + L. Ron= Laughitology. I'm guessing.
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2: Why? The title. The fact that there's a sequel to Superbabies. And Scott Baio.
3. Pinocchio: Why? Because I hate Roberto Benigni and have no clue why he won an Oscar. I want to imagine Pinocchio in the Holocaust.
1. Ballistic: Why? Because it's #1.
Some on the list were total cheats, like all of the "parodies" (eg. Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans). Come on, people. Those just don't count.
@Michael Scott - Batman and Robin was released in 1997, though it somehow managed to score 12%, which would still not have made the cut this decade.
That being said, I've seen 21 of these movies... and actually loved a bunch of them. I must just have terrible taste.
You can read my full review here:
http://www.amazon.com/Deadly-Discovery-Walter-Baziac/dp/B0001Q2DQM/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1255179016&sr=8-3
I guess that, when it comes to trash, I tend to think that the old stuff is usually the best of the worst.