The fact that few in Dubya's retinue are lawyers is often lamented, and blamed in part for the stunning lawlessness of his administration. The next president will hopefully know a thing or two about the constitution. If it's John McCain, however, that is not assured, so I thought I'd put together a primer of some core first amendment cases for him.*

• Sleeping can be protected speech: A non-profit set up tent cities on the national Mall to describe the reality of homelessness to passersby. The cities were to be named Capitolville and Reaganville II. As part of the demostration, they planned on sleeping overnight in the tents. The National Park Service prohibits sleeping overnight in national parks outside designated campgrounds, of which, my friends, there are none in the national Mall. The court held that sleeping can, as in this case, be protected expressive conduct, but that the regulation was a reasonable restraint on time, place and manner of speaking, and thus the sleeping overnight was prohibited. [Clark v. CCNV, 1984]
• So is dancing while wearing only pasties and a g-string. Town makes nude dancers wear pasties and a g-string, court says that nude dancing is expressive conduct that can be restricted in this way only because of the harmful secondary effects of nude dancing. [Erie v. Pap'n AM, 2000]
• Shouting "we'll take the fucking street later [or again]" is not punishable incitement to imminent lawless action. [Hess v. Indiana, 1973]
• "Fuck the Draft" is some people's lyric: Mr. Cohen wore a jacket to a courthouse that said "fuck the draft." Innocent women and children and the fighting words doctrine notwithstanding, the court upheld his right to do so, stating that "one man's vulgarity is another man's lyric." [Cohen v. CA, 1971]
• "Jerry Falwell has sex with his mother in an outhouse" is protected speech. Hustler published a parody ad of a Campari commercial about various celebrities' "first time," suggesting Falwell's was as described above. Apparently a goat was also alleged to have been involved. [Hustler v. Falwell, 1988].
• Lady Chatterley's Lover, the movie, is not obscene. [Kingsley v. Regents, 1959]
• Not all nudity is obscene as to children. Jacksonville, FL attempted to force drive-in theater owners to make sure their screens are not visible from roads to, among other things, protect the children. [Erznoznick v. City of Jacksonville, 1975]
• It's okay to banish adult movie theaters to be next to the Springfield Tire Fire. City ordinance effectively said only place adult movie theaters could be was next to sewage plant and Mobil Oil refilling station. [Renton v. Playtime Theaters, 1986]
• Merely knowing German language does not make children sympathetic to German nationalism. State prohibited teaching of modern foreign languages to promote American civic values, stating that knowing German would prevent children from assimilating. Court struck it down. [Meyer v. Nebraska, 1923]
• Wishing that the next time they attempt to kill the president, they succeed, is not sufficient grounds for firing a government employee. Government employees' right to speak on matters of public concern is protected. [Rankin v. McPherson, 1987]
• Members of the Communist party cannot be prohibited from sensitive national security jobs for membership in Communist party alone. Even though Justice White dissented, fearing "potential spies and saboteurs." [US v.Robel, 1967]
• Law firms can't exclude women from partnership. [Hishon v. King & Spalding, 1984]
• Totally banning the publication of truthful information, whether private or implicating foreign policy, no matter how obtained, is not okay. [Daily Mail, The Pentagon Papers case, Florida Star]
• Flag burning will always be okay until you amend the constitution [Texas v. Johnson, US v. Eichman]. Cross-burning with intent to intimidate is not okay. [RAV v. St. Paul, Virginia v. Black]
• Holiday creche is okay on public property, using public funds, if it's surrounded by "a Santa Claus House with a live Santa distributing candy, reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh, a live 40-foot Christmas tree strung with lights, statues of carolers in old-fashioned dress, candy-striped poles, a talking wishing well, a large banner proclaiming "Seasons Greetings," a miniature village with several houses and a church, and various cut-out figures, including those of a clown, a dancing elephant, a robot, and a teddy bear." And I quote the court. [Alleghany County v. ACLU, 1989]

I hope you've learned something, Mr. McCain.

*All of these are not only real Supreme Court first amendment cases, they are central to our first amendment rights, not oddball outliers.