OCTOBER 30, 2008 11:58AM

Have mercy on Americans abroad

Rate: 9 Flag

Dear American comrades,

Please, no more Sarah Palin or Joe the Plubmer!

While you may sit in your La-Z-Boys stuffing your faces full of doritos while crying into your salsa at Barack Obama's infomercial with impunity back in the home country, us traitors who live abroad must wither the scorn of everyone from the supermarket cashier to the kings of our host countries.

French people put cigarettes out in our eyes, Germans refuse to serve us our Cokes, and Belgians snicker in Flemish, which is not pleasant, if you have experienced it.

We are mocked and pilloried, and tarred and feathered, and not even giant Obama buttons help stem the tide of ridicule. Just the other day, they poured vinegar on my lunch foie gras while I wasn't looking, and then called me "moose-girl". It's terrible.

So, please, think of your brothers and sisters abroad when choosing running mates and average American idiot spokespeople.

Praise Allah, Gobama.

Your Madame Bitch

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Good to here from Madam B finally! I think you need to address this to some other American audiences.

And for the record, I wasn't crying into my salsa on my lazyboy last night. I was crying into my popcorn on my sofa. So there!
Skeptic Turtle
October 30, 2008 12:25 PM
I promise I will post more, i even have broken english photos ready, although this won't be until Monday. The internets, they are not working here so well in the developing world.
Madame Bitch
October 30, 2008 12:30 PM
I was drinking Riunite and eating M&Ms last night. Wish you were here.
buckeyedoc
October 30, 2008 12:32 PM
Our election-watching plans are kind of hilarious -- "ok, so the party starts at 1am, and we should be done by 6am at the latest, so you can get like 2 hours of sleep before going to work."
Madame Bitch
October 30, 2008 12:35 PM
Yikes. Moose girl?

Sigh.

Good to see you around.

I wonder how the University of Alabama trustees feel about 'Gobama.' heh heh heh
odetteroulette
October 30, 2008 12:40 PM
I want a cigarette and some foie gras (and I don't smoke or force feed ducks). To be out of this country for a while... well, it would be worth a few burn scars.

I'm glad you posted. I miss you.
pretend_farmer
October 30, 2008 12:50 PM
Awww, I'm feeling the love. And there's a lot of love here for Obama and his supporters, do not be misled by my fake stories.

Ok, i will see y'all on Monday.
Madame Bitch
October 30, 2008 12:54 PM
As one who has never ventured offshore any futher than the Bahamas, I must say I'd put up with a large measure of scorn just to be outta here until Nov. 5th.

Oh, buckeyedoc - fer krisakes throw out that Riunite, it ain't even real wine. It's mixed up in some undergroud lab in Albania. If ya gotta go cheap, try Carlo Rossi's Paisano, it's actually made from fermented grapes.
Wayne Gallant
October 30, 2008 01:03 PM
I just happened to be eating foie gras myself last night, on pita chips, sitting on the polar bear rug in my rhinestone-encrusted thong panties. Call it a dry-run for Tuesday night. Wish you were here.

:^)
Lonnie Lazar
October 30, 2008 01:08 PM
Nice to you see you again, M. If the french become too irritating simply mention the Maginot line and snicker yourself.

OK, I assumed french because you mentioned foie gras.

Rated/appreciated.
Bill S.
October 30, 2008 01:35 PM
The bitch is back! Hooray! And just in time for some foreign correspondent tidbits.
Julie Delio
October 30, 2008 01:36 PM
in my rhinestone-encrusted thong panties.

Uh, got an itch to scratch, Lonnie?

Nevermind - already TMI. :-D
Bill S.
October 30, 2008 01:38 PM
Buckeye! I don't think I've thought about Riunite since before I could drink, and thought it seemed like the height of sophistication.

Anybody else remember this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgMy49UrQj0&feature=related
Kerry Lauerman
October 30, 2008 02:05 PM
Hmmm... does Rossi make lambrusco?
buckeyedoc
October 30, 2008 02:12 PM
Kerry, hilarious Susan Lucci for Riunite ad!

I remember "Riunite on ice...THAT'S NICE!"
buckeyedoc
October 30, 2008 02:13 PM
Keep us posted, B-girl. We're hoping electing Obama will get the US a second chance with the rest of the world.

Kerry -- outstanding! Brings back memories of lambrusco-filled nights and All My Children. Two habits of youth best left behind.
The Biblio Files
October 30, 2008 04:17 PM
Hey MB -- Is that all the racier you can get -- details, details?! We have missed you, but it is time to dish on just how bad we Bushwhacked Americans are being dissed in EU. We'll be waiting!
lalucas
October 30, 2008 04:18 PM
Bill S. - There's a story behind the rhinestone panties. You could probably find it on here if you look hard enough.
Lonnie Lazar
October 30, 2008 08:15 PM
I traveled to both France and Italy and found both people warm and friendly. They welcomed me into their homes as we shared wonderful traditions and memories. I am saddened to hear that your experience has not gone as well. Maybe consider if there is something you could do differently that might make your trip more pleasant. You can't change other folks, but you can change your self. Please take this with the compassion it is intended to offer. Then after you think about what I have said you will probably come to the conclusion that your still in Paris and I am sitting on my not too lazy boy eating Chinese takeout:-). Enjoy!
Velina
November 01, 2008 12:34 AM
Y'alls are so sweet! :) I am not permanently installed in Paris, but I was there this weekend, and you all would break down crying as how much they love our Barry. There are art exhibits, he is on all the headlines, etc. I hope to make a post with photos of various Barrylove I observed.

And PS, do not worry, your Madame Bitch has fine reposts for those chortling Europeans. Also, we don't actually have foie gras for lunch, but we do have duck and mussels. And wine. In the regular old cafeteria. :- D
Madame Bitch
November 03, 2008 03:17 AM