I know lots of people who have ‘gangs’ of friends. You know the kind that go out and hang together, party together, roast wieners together. I’m just not like that. I used to have a gang when I was younger, but to tell the truth, there was at least one or two people in the group that I couldn’t really abide. Some were the loud ones, the ones that picked fights, or got us thrown out of bars. Others were just creepy.

As I’ve gotten older, I have very few friends. I hope that doesn’t mean that I’m intolerable, but it is really more from choice. There are too many people out there who just aren’t on the same wavelength. You want to talk about politics and they want to tell you about their latest shampoo.

So I’m lucky. The few friends that I have speak the same language, laugh at the same jokes, and usually have biting wit (always a plus). The new people I meet, I assess, and either move towards or away from them. I know almost instantly whether I would want to see them again. Mostly, I don’t want to see them again. I really don’t like people much.

The real friends you have are the ones you call when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they’ll come and rescue you. They’ll be the first face you see when you go into surgery, and the first ones you see when you groggily wake up.

There are best friends, of course. Those that will always be there when you fall to pick you up again and set you on your feet. Those that will listen to your darkest secrets and never judge you, but offer themselves as a shoulder to cry on, or give you a sharp talking to when you are being a dolt.

My best friend is a woman I have known for 30+ years. We don’t necessarily see each other that often (she has a demanding job) but the friendship is always there. We understand each other and she probably knows me better than I do, and I her. Every morning we e-mail each other – not to give news, but to ensure the other is doing ‘ok’. That’s a friend.

Recently a friend from another 30+ years arrived back in Halifax after being away for many years. We decided to meet, but I know we were both nervous that time had changed us both and we would have stretched too far to be friends again. We even cancelled many lunch dates. I know it was fear. Finally we got it together and both agreed to meet. It was as if the 20 years we hadn’t seen each other just melted away. She still made me laugh, she still had the same charisma, and we could talk about any subject that hit our fancy. My friend was back. We are having lunch today – with no nerves.

I have another friend, whom I have always adored. He used to be the lead singer in a band I managed some 25 years ago. He has a good job now (not in the music business – I guess I was a lousy manager). But recently he has found a new philosophy in what is know as the “Law of Attraction”. He is obsessed with this. Every morning, a list of us receive a quote from one of the books or tapes. None of it makes much sense to me – I get the drift, but it is not for me. I am saddened that I find it difficult to take his company now as that is all he talks about. Am I a bad friend for avoiding him? Perhaps. But I would rather be with one of my friends who has a wider range of conversation. I think he knows that still, I would be there for him if he needed me. I just can’t deal with the new found way of life.

I hope I am a good friend in return. I hope that when my few friends which amount to about six close ones (I don’t count acquaintances) can count on me. I hope that it matters when I see a friend through chemo, or when a friend is lonely and I can be there, I hope that I am the kind of person that my friends can call on when in need, whatever it may be. I hope.

Real friends make you laugh, think, provoke, and even argue knowing that it is safe to do so.  Friends are precious – take care of yours and they will take care of you.