Elsabeth and I celebrated four years of living together this week, and I've been far more happily "married" than I was for  25 years with the man I legally married soon after college graduation. That was a stable but not especially joyful union, every anniversary marking another year of bickering and resentment.

 I never expected to, or planned on being with a woman but here I am and it's pretty darn wonderful. We are best friends, playmates, intellectual companions. We have the shared experiences as mothers of teenagers and daughters of aging and ailing parents.  She slept on a cot for two nights at my side in the hospital when I had my hysterectomy and I would gladly do the same for her. 

With Elsabeth I have many of the pleasures I didn't experience as a married heterosexual: We have romantic fidelity (no "affairs of the heart,"  no flirting with pretty graduate students, no e-mail dalliances or surreptitious chatting).  We have an adventurous sex life. We don't tussle over household chores. And if I try to shut down when I'm too stressed to talk, she follows me into the next room and tells jokes until she can get me to crack a smile.  Consequently, no tension between us has ever lasted more than a few minutes.  Elsabeth is my favorite person to be around and I am hers; in a house of 3,000 square feet we usually find ourselves sharing the same love seat.

So what do I call this woman who is my mate?  Wife doesn't work for me, even if same-sex marriage were legal in my state. Wife makes me think of drudgery and, ultimately, divorce. Partner, my default option, sounds like we work in a law firm.  Life partner is too corny. I've thought about calling her my fiance, but I'm afraid the next question would be,  What's his name? and I might not be ready to out myself at that particular moment. Girlfriend is too flimsy. I actually tried coining the phrase "Sig-O" (short for significant other) but it didn't exactly take off. 

So, dear reader, I pose the question to you.  Any ideas?