This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

What part of that disclaimer do you not get, Donna J. Klinghoffer?

Back story: Last summer I left my horrendous job at the nadir of the economic catastrophe with no employment prospects whatsoever, only the certainty that I could not endure another moment working under those particular circumstances. As this OS post is not  a work of fiction, I ask you to use your imagination now and assume that it was even worse than that.

A few weeks ago I started a fiction web serial about a crazy workplace. I could have written about my former job, which had a cast of psychopathic  interesting characters and several twisted plotlines, but I didn’t.  

One day I received this comment: Why don’t you write about how you hired a big loser to lead the sales team?  I immediately knew who had  written the comment, though I had no proof.

More back story: Here is where real life is far more fascinating and awful than anything I could have invented. I hired Klinghoffer (not her real name) myself.  She wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she had just been laid off and I needed a secretary.  I had no idea that someday she would singlehandedly destroy my team and nearly ruin the reputation of a hardworking young woman. The “big loser” Klinghoffer referred to in her comment was a skilled if somewhat overweight salesperson I  promoted to lead the sales team.

In the course of three months, Klinghoffer—petite and poised with a sociopath’s chilling ability to morph herself into whatever persona  would work to her advantage—quietly lobbied my supervisors to replace the “big loser” with—who else?—Donna J. Klinghoffer herself.  Because of her weight, Linda was “an inappropriate representative of our organization,” as she phrased it in an email accidentally forwarded to me.  

When that produced no immediate result, Klinghoffer stepped up her campaign. She had it on good authority that Linda and her friend had patronized  a strip joint. “What if one of our clients had seen her?” Klinghoffer implored in another email that had been forwarded to me in a blind CC.  “Do we really want that kind of person representing the company?”

Eventually an investigation was launched and Linda was demoted. Not for being overweight (that would be illegal) or for patronizing a strip joint (that would be preposterous) but for “falsification of a time sheet.” Apparently Linda had failed to record two hours as PTO the day she went home early to deal with a sick dog.

Linda was demoted, Klinghoffer got her job, and I resigned.

Fast forward seven months: Why don’t you write about how you hired a big loser to lead the sales team?  

I’m no computer expert, but I was able to trace the comment through its IP address to a tiny, very specialized beach resort. I was familiar with the place only because Donna Klinghoffer had told me about it. She goes there every March, right around the same time I received notice on my blog that “a comment is waiting your approval.”

I did not approve it.

Donna Klinghoffer, if you are reading this, please know that I’m onto you. You've done your damage. You got your way. Now leave me alone.