I have pet peeves.  Many of them.  Today, on the top of my list, are alarmist tracts masquerading as health studies.  Let me digress briefly to say that health reports which state the obvious ("News flash!  Overeating can lead to obesity!") are equally nefarious, but that's another rant.  Back on point.  As I was enjoying my morning Honduran java, I stumbled across the following story:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/090328/health/health_misc_triathlon_heart_risks

In short, it appears that those who participate in triathlons have TWICE the risk of runners of marathons from dying of heart attacks.  Did you see that?!  Twice the risk!  Hell's bells, that's it--I ain't racing in no more damn triathlons.  They simply aren't healthy.  They could kill me.  Whew, and thank god I found that article before my next race.  Divine providence, indeed.

 Wait!  What's that, you say?  How many people die from heart attacks in marathons?  Well, it's a national emergency, a veritable wave of humanity dropping in waves as they traipse through NYC, Boston, Charlotte, or La-La.  Currently, the rate of fatal heart seizures in marathons is eight per, wait for it. . .one million runners.  Hmm, my sharp math skills tell me that would make the rate of heart attack deaths in triathlons 16 per million.  Yep, the linked study above says 15, further stating the number of deaths is, "not inconsequential."  The conclusion is inescapable.  Do. . .not. . .attempt. . .triathlons.

Seriously.  This sort of rubbish is what passes for health news these days.  I guess it could be worse--someone might begin reporting every dress Michelle Obama is wearing while in Europe.  Oh, wait. . .