You really want to know what small town folks in the Bible Belt think about? Well, read up below. I've taken actual calls to the local paper's Hotline and published them word for word (my editorial notes, if any, will be noted within [brackets]). I swear--I'm not making these things up. The paper only has tw0 rules for these anonymous calls: no names of local businesses or private citizens and no political op-ed style calls.
The captions are provided by the paper, not me. Enjoy.
Can't escape the past - I've got a neighbor who moved here from another state about a year ago and he lost his license due to drunk driving in a big truck. He's madder than heck and cursing Virginia now. It is all I have heard for six weeks. They won't let him have his license back. Thank God for the drunk driving clause in these new ordinances and laws.
Banking inconvenience - It seems like the United States is not the land of freedom anymore. You can't even go to the bank without learning they have changed the rules. You can't cash a husband's check unless he is there, even if he is bedfast and 80-some years old and unable to go. What is anybody supposed to do? Put them in a rescue squad, take them and let them come out to fix the check or what?
Not neighborly - I'm so sick of our neighbors trying to take over our land. They acted like they own about 10 feet more of our land, trying to take it over and every time they get their yard mowed, they get over 10 feet more in our yard. We had to jump all over them and tell them to stop doing it and they still don't listen. They keep going on and on, doing it every two weeks--mowing on our land. About five years ago, they took their pickup truck and backed it up to our yard, jumped out of it and had their kids playing on our grass--throwing balls around, playing horseshoes, even put a pole in our yard. So, we had to run out there, jump all over them. They didn't listen one bit. They came back and did it again, so then we had to get the cops. Will they ever learn?
Dog capers - Thank you for the woman that called about getting my dog back after I called the pound and put it in the radio. My dog was missing for four days before they decided to call anybody and say it was hanging around their house. It was a block over. It is a very well-mannered dog. But, we now have to go to court because somebody decided to keep our dog. We finally got it back, so thanks.
Tattoed - It makes me very sad when I see all these young people walking around with all the tattoos all over them when the Bible plainly states not to put any marks on your body.
Weather prayers - When are churches [here] going to start praying to God to start sending us good weather? Are they going to wait for tornadoes to wipe us off the face of the earth or a flood washes us away?
Can't wait for more? Sorry. This particular edition only hits the streets on Mondays. . .
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Comments
I worked for a small-town radio station. We took calls during the morning show about various topics. One time I was asked for a station slogan suggestion, but "Got a phone? You can be on the radio!" was rejected in favor of being too true.
No, I don't live in a small town. I live in a large city. But I think you are a acting like a small-minded person who can't accept others. So called large city people sound as bad or worse. You and they are in denial of that.
And Jesus needs to make good, stacked-high reuben sandwiches available in every town in America, too. Amen.
Havlin: Sure makes them feel good, though.
tregibbs: You have no idea. . .well, maybe you do. Occasionally, I confront the holier-than-thou types with direct letters to the editor, my name emblazoned for all to see. One such episode led to a tit-for-tat exchange of letters with one particular woman who steered the discourse to Native Americans' spirituality and the ire of Jesus among other topics. Perhaps I'll post that whole story in a later blog.
Delia: To be fair, there are others who call in with some mildly cogent thoughts, though they are a rarity. However, I still can't get beyond the fact these callers lack the timerity to put a name to their "cause." Own your thoughts.
Leeandra: Great slogan! May I toss a version of that to my local paper?
BBE: I know! Hell, they might pee on the lawn, man. . .
Linda: Huh?
No, I don't live in a small town. I live in a large city. But I think you are a acting like a small-minded person who can't accept others. So called large city people sound as bad or worse. You and they are in denial of that.
LindaInAus
May 20, 2009 05:38 AM
Linda, you are correct. I Grew up around in and around big cities. As a child I also spent summers in small towns working on farms.
Many small town people may not be as sophisticated as many of the big city snobs but I can assure you that they are honest hard working people.
The problem with those who look down on small town folks is that they probably have never left their safe little cocoon on the Upper West Side to find out how the great unwashed live.
Is there no TV,or a cinema?
Sounds like hell on earth.
It isn't the size of your town,... it's the size of your education!
Average reading levels in this "great country of ours" continue to decline because we refuse to recognize that almost ALL problems (and solutions) start with education!
navel: Well, except here where it is legal for your neighbors' livestock to graze on your land if they get out of their fenced pasture, and if they should do damage to your yards, land, or structures, oh well. . .
Blackflon: I grew up in a small town and chose to settle in a small town where, as you say, they are largely honest, hard-working people. . .though every bit as tempestuous and greedy and uncaring as their big city brethren on occasion. I have lived in large cities (DC & LA), and though I love visiting them, I admit a much greater affinity for small town living. At the end of the day, I want elbow room. Still, just because it's "Americana" here doesn't mean the locals don't need lampooning every so often.
Peter: No, it isn't hell on earth, though some around here figure that H E double-toothpick place is where I'm headed. Yep, got a twin cinema (though the most successful run of any movie here in the past seven years since I moved here was Mel Gibson's THE PASSION OF CHRIST which ought to tell you something), high-speed DSL, fiber optics (in town), and satellite/cable TV. There is enough of interest here for 85% of my daily life--the rest I gotta drive an hour (nice restaurants, e.g.). And when the sun sets on the mountains on a warm, clear spring day, I can stand on my deck with a glass of Carmenere' and smile.
And it is all bible-y. There are tons of little evangelical and pentecostalist churches around. There's also a couple of Christian schools. Actually, a schism at the Church of God school led to the building of Lakeside Christian Academy in only a summer.
But I digress.
The interesting thing is that it's never has the boring sameness that I associate with life in the burbs.
This is a really poor area and a large percentage of the population has only a tenuous grasp on any kind of stability.
So, things are always falling apart.
Which always makes interesting.
Thanks, Walter. I've lived in numerous small towns, and overall the charms of such outweigh the hassles of big city living.
Sara: Obviously, this piece isn't for you.
Ric: Yeah, it's the "bible-y" folks who often provide the most informative commentary. The examples above aren't the best ones to show such; however, rest assured I'll give them voice in a later blog when more appear in the paper.
Slice of life. I like it:)
almost: Having lived in a variety of communities ranging from a few thousand, to a few hundred thousand, to a few million, I agree that we tend to navel gaze a lot in this country, but don't you think that's typical of life when one needn't worry about basic necessities (strictly a generalization)? I lived in DC for five years, and you'd have thought the entire world revolved around the activities inside the Beltway.
Rose & ice: To each her/his own.
I was once, as a very young man, though I already knew I was a poet, a Southern Baptist preacher.
Some things have gotten better as I've aged.