~It has been a bit since I put anything more than a poem, etc up here...Simply because I am in a healing phase if you will....Seeking counseling, reading all that I can get my hands on about forgiveness, life after(enter adjective!) and so on...I keep my OS life if you will separate from my Facebook life and most in my personal life for fear of their negative feelings toward my writing or my "crap writing" as my mother so loving said to my face several weeks ago.  I tried to explain to her it is merely my outlet for this single mom to 3 UNDER the age 3.  Not much adult conversation in this house I must say, so I get it from other avenues and I am happy to say I have you all on OS-almost my cheerleaders if you will-so a big Thank you!  

 I deal with a lot as most of you do on a daily basis, and this is my outlet as I stated above.  I am currently seeking counseling on how to forgive/forget/move on/you name it.  Yes it is about my spouse and I, I want a divorce, he does not want another one under his belt so what is a person(women) to do.  In a few weeks time I will attempt to serve him said papers by flying oversees and doing this alone.  I am scared, scared he will say no, scared he will hold our kids as the reason to stay together.  Anyone out there been in similar situations?  Maybe I am putting too much of myself out there but I am turning to my OS family...I am scared beyond words and scared that I will forever be tormented...Even from afar.....He states he will change, but the words too little too late echo in my mind on an almost constant basis.  I have changed he said, I will cherish you as you deserve to be cherished...Are those just words? 

Scared and lonely are the words I will leave you with...