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Testosterone Ain't Hormone Pollution
NOVEMBER 27, 2008 9:05PM

How to Argue with a Woman

Rate: 37 Flag

argument 

I’m not going to get into the “whys”.  There are lots of reasons to argue with women, and they keep inventing more.  Clearly, they don’t sufficiently appreciate how terrific we are.

Today we’re going to talk about what to do and what not to do when verbal combat with your female partner is unavoidable. 

If you pay attention, you will not necessarily win more arguments with your woman, but you will lose fewer.  And the unintended consequences and collateral damage will be reduced.  This will add significantly to the global happiness quotient.  Also, you’ll get sex more often, and you know how important that is.

First, some key questions:

Is this argument necessary?  Men are instinctive and reflexive beasts.  When we are challenged, evolution has programmed us to fight back hard.  But is that always the best response?  No, and this is where we need to be clever strategists.  Learn to let things go.  Be easy.  Practice these words, “You’re right, honey.  I’m sorry.  I’ll pay more attention to that.”  You don’t even have to remember exactly what she was talking about.  You don’t even have to change your behavior much (or at all).  Your acquiescence itself is the reward.  Her anger will deflate.  She will be flooded with endorphins.  You may even receive your preferred reward for being a good partner.

This is like a judo move, giving unexpected ground, a very clever approach familiar to devotees of Sun Tzu, or Spencer Tracy.

Did she speak to you very quietly?  Gentlemen, please write this one down.  It’s terribly important.  If she starts in on you at loud volume, it’s one thing.  If she raises an issue in a tightly controlled voice, while her eyes have centered a red laser dot on your forehead, very loud alarms should be going off.  Clear your mental desk and brew some strong mental coffee.  It’s serious, and you need to pay attention now.  You may want to keep a phone handy, in case you need emergency medical care or a place to stay that night.

So the argument is on.  You have choices as to how to conduct yourself, and they matter very much.

Don’t do these things:

  • Don’t yell.  If you yell, you lose, in all sorts of ways.  Stay calm. 
  • Don’t use bad language or personal insults.  First, it’s just not very decent or manly.  Second, she’ll remember it forever.  10 years from now, she’ll remind you about the name you called her on November 27, 2008, at 10:47pm.
  • Don’t be physically intimidating.  Approaching her, looming over her, breaking things, or showing any physical sign of aggression is out.  You are free to bundle all the acid into a hot, burning ball in your gut, or to have a small stroke, but you must keep it all internal.
  • Don’t threaten consequences.  No talk of leaving for good, no threats of cutting budgets, cancelling events, or any other consequences over which you have power.  Be cool and don’t let it get out of control.  Channel JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  He had a hot wife too, by the way.

Do these things:

  • Do let her vent for awhile before you respond.  Look serious, make eye contact and nod.  Hey, you can even ask helpful questions that elicit further details.  “Did that kind of wreck the whole evening for you?”  Let her talk herself out.  She’ll feel better and the volcanic anger will pass.
  • Do talk about your feelings.  “When you say things like that, it makes me feel like you don’t value all the nice things I try to do to make you happy.  That hurts, honey.”  This is plain brilliant.  It always works, because now you’re thinking like a woman.
  • Do say nice things about her.  Sure, you’re having a fight now.  But reaching outside “now” to pull in something positive about her forces her brain out of the immediate death match.  It adds context.  “I’m listening.  But I have to tell you, you just reminded me of the way you stood up to that guy who overcharged us at the electronics store – and got our money back. That was great.”
  • Do be prepared to disengage and walk away.  If all else fails, and things look to be degenerating, be prepared to de-escalate by disengagement.  In the short-term, it may make her angrier.  But it’s sometimes necessary.  She may actually pursue you to another room, to continue the argument.  Don’t let her.  Frame it.  “Honey, I’m worried that this is just getting bigger and feeding on itself.   I don’t want this argument to hurt our relationship.  I think we should talk about it some more when we’ve both cooled down.”  And walk away.  A quick, soft stroke on her arm as you go may be a nice touch – it’s a judgment call.

Women argue differently than men do.  It’s a fact.  Men usually make things worse in an argument.  It’s a fact.  We need to play the long game and think strategically.  Greater harmony will ensue.

As always, if you have questions on dealing successfully with women, please forward them on.  You can trust Man Talk Now to uncork the good stuff. 

 

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Dude. Just that. Dude.
I have to say, I don't disagree with you on this one.
As a man in a successful marriage of 21 years and with that same woman 23 years, you have to learn to listen. You have to resist Darwin's "survival of the fittest" mode when "discussing" , not arguing. You WILL lose a vehement argument with your spouse/partner because arguing gets you no where. "Discuss" these things. Let her vent. DON'T patronize (nor should we patronize anyone, ever) and don't intimidate, very true.

I'm anxious to see the women and their responses to this.

rated for its common sense
Greg
I'm butting in, just to say I'm staying out of this one.
Where were you when I needed you? Pretty entertaining stuff with more than a little truth presented.
You know, I wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked on this, but you've actually given some good advice. There's no attacking, no yelling, and loads of respect built in to your mock dialogues. You probably meant this in a funny way, but I think it has a lot of merit. If everyone (men and women alike) followed your rules, we'd all get to the make-up sex part a lot faster.
Easiest advice for a guy: "Yes, dear."
Lea, agreed, with a BUT. It can't be a condescending "yes dear". If it is, then you've just got argument #2 on your hands.

I'm sure you meant a sincere, heartfelt, fuzzy, smiling "Yes dear" though. ;-)
Man,
You are my new relationship guru! The disengaging advice does not work in all instances. I now prefer to disengage by backing out of the room. Turning your back to disengage can sometime be a bad idea. I have a scar on the back of my head that will agree with me. Please write a post on how to gently break up with the "crazy one". Although presently unattached, sometimes I can be the Pied Piper of Cuckoo. Although not as much as in the past.

Love your work. Very, very funny and still makes sense.
Krissi, don't be shy. Not in this room. Unload.

Greg, don't act so surprised that I gave men good advice. I wouldn't do wrong by the hairy set.

Idaho, next time, pick up the Red Phone to Man Talk Now. We're open 24 hours. Just not all in a row.

Lisa, you're being too nice and glossing over all the patronizing things I said, in the guise of giving good advice. (But thank you anyway.)

Michael... how to break up... that's a good topic. Consider it in the hopper. I'm thinking on it.
This article is awesome. Nail on head.

If a MAN is so informed and chooses to argue by instinct anyway... what does, and doesn't, that mean?
Not surprised MTN, just refreshed. This may or may not have been posted facetiously (I think not, because it's too true) but for some men who truly have no clue, maybe it will help them.
Xanadu, I'm not sure I understood your question. Can you expand on it?

Facetious, Greg? Have I ever been facetious? he asked, looking entirely innocent.
Man, you left me laughing! The advice is great and of course it works both ways. Since you're open for business, here's my question: How can I start thinking like a woman before I say something like a man? You know, that old question of "Would you rather be right or be happy?" always seems to get involved. And what do I do with my "sometimes it's just fun to get things all riled up mood?"

PS: Krissi seems way smarter than I am.
Grif, let me think on that one. Very good question. I'll have to come back with something sharp.
You mean you can't tell her she's a lousy cook and housekeeper when you're mad? How's that fair?
Bart, I didn't say you couldn't think it.

Umbrella, did you just call me a "bounder"? As in a "cad"? Are you flirting with me? I'm going to assume you are, because that makes my male ego happy. I may give a wolf howl.
Sorry MTN - I'm a little oned-stay. Take two:

If a man knows how to effectively argue with a woman to diffuse a tense situation and/or steer things to their best possible outcome, what does it mean when he chooses to ignore that knowledge when arguing with poon?
(Ahem.) Aooooow! There. That was good. Thank you, Umbrella.
Xanadu, now I get you. If a man has the insight and chooses not to apply it, I'm afraid it doesn't mean anything good. Maybe likes fighting? Not good.

Very creative use of "poon", by the way. What's the OED definition of "poon"? Also, do you have a photo of "poon" I can look at?
I found it funny and insightful, with good advice, with that caveat of doing it sincerely.

I think most men underestimate how much women can intuit insincerity and it infuriates them - per the "Yes Dear" thing.

Now the sincerity can be based on anything - including just the sincere desire to Get This Argument The F*** Over but it has to be heartfelt and real and not sarcastic or snarky or transparently talking down, like an adult to a child. (As in one of the worst things you can say to a woman who is upset with you: "There there, calm down now.")
MTN, I want you to vett my men from now on.
If you indeed sport the kit that goes with the 'tude, MT, I doubt very much that you suffer for lack of poon photos.

And the OED is ain't online, dammit, due, no doubt, to them fug Illuminati. I'm afraid this will have to do:

Poon
   /pun/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [poon] Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. any of several East Indian trees of the genus Calophyllum, that yield a light, hard wood used for masts, spars, etc.
2. the wood of these trees.
Origin:
1690–1700; cf. Tamil punnai, pinnai, Malayalam punna names for Calophyllum inophyllum
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
Silkstone, in my experience telling a woman to "calm" down is a bad thing to do. Flipping genders, it's worse than waving a red flag at a bull. It's more like letting the bull catch you making it with one of his cows.

Karin, quoting a man back to him is a very effective technique.
Ardee, I'll be happy to have a chat with the young gentlemen, so you can be sure they're worthy and behave themselves. Until you want them not to.

Xanadu, I have no photos of East Indian trees. Also, I checked my "kit" and it does match the "tude". I think it's important to check the kit regularly, oneself if necessary, but with help from a woman, preferably.
Bumper sticker spotted in Gainesville, FL -
"Never argue with your wife, dicker".

Was it Mussolini who said, "Women, you can't live without them, and it's illegal to shoot them"? (C'mon ladies, just kidding here.)
Haha! This one went in my bookmarks. Splendid!

I most love the name-calling citation. 10:47pm. So true...
" Practice these words, “You’re right, honey. I’m sorry. I’ll pay more attention to that.” You don’t even have to remember exactly what she was talking about. You don’t even have to change your behavior much (or at all). Your acquiescence itself is the reward. Her anger will deflate."

It only works sometimes--if the thing that the fight is about is trivial. For recurring problems, you’re likely to get a real blowout if you pull this maneuver.

A better case for arguing with a woman was on Slate.com about a month ago. http://www.slate.com/id/2199363/


But Man, very curious about your love life.
"Did she speak to you very quietly?"

The truth of this portion made me laugh my ass off. If I com in guns a blazin about the dishes left in the sink, I'll be done in minutes. But if I come in with a receipt from the strip club and a calm demeanor things are about to get real ugly.

As always, good stuff MTN!
K1mjaye, my love life is savory, spicy and sweet. This is because I offer my woman tenderness, empathy and humor, tempered by arrogance. It's a surprisingly successful mix, much like hot & sour soup, or Champagne and Red Bull.
O.K. Here's a question.

What if the woman is the type who does not argue but just turns icy cold and substitutes glares for words when she gets all ruffled up about something. How do you argue then?

And by the way,
" K1mjaye, my love life is savory, spicy and sweet. This is because I offer my woman tenderness, empathy and humor, tempered by arrogance. It's a surprisingly successful mix, much like hot & sour soup, or Champagne and Red Bull."

Your woman must be having a ball of a time around you if the above is the pure unadulterated truth. Lucky she (-wolf).
To Moana's excellent question: "What if the woman is the type who does not argue but just turns icy cold and substitutes glares for words when she gets all ruffled up about something. How do you argue then?"...

This can mean a number of things for a man, and all of them are very bad.

1. You are a terrible partner to your woman, for one or several reasons, and you have driven her into a silent, frigid shell.
2. Your woman is simply frigid through no fault of your own - one of the worst kinds of woman for a man to live with, and one of the most resistant to change. She likely does not laugh easily, either, or make love well and with abandon - as both men and women should.
3. Your woman does not know how to argue with a man, and this is hurting her as well as the relationship. The cold anger is corrosive, and becomes worse as it is sustained, eating away important soft tissues and leaving rough scars that are not visible. She has what some call "anger issues", and needs someone to help her modify her bevavior and thinking. Fortunately, Man Talk Now is here to help.
4. Something serious, perhaps unprecedented, has happened, and this is the calm before the storm - the uneasy, hostile peace, while troops and materiel are being massed on the border, girding for war.

Almost any kind of hot argument is better than the ice. At least there's some form of communication going on.

If I were confronted by a woman displaying that particular countenance and bevavior, I would try diliently to entice her to let loose on me. Get it out and deal with it. Relief and reconciliation, followed by recreation and release. Ravishing!
MTN,
Your wisdom in this arena is seemingly boundless. Your blunt and to the point attitude is irresistable. You are a best seller waiting to happen. A nationwide phenomenon in need of being discovered. A true man among men. A unique style that spans the great gender devide. Did I mention I like your work?
I'm in agreement with your post and I'm not sure who couldn't be. Of course there is no blueprint for fighting that actually works all the time, but if both genders were to still with your do's and don'ts, everyone would be better off.

I haven't met a couple or been a couple who when, in heated moments, didn't say f...k it to the wise rules of engagement you suggest. We would all be better off if we did. One thing I'm learning the hard way is the role that EGO plays in continuing a fight. There are times ego just isn't my friend or my husband's. Letting go of my end of the rope makes things a lot easier. There is a big difference between submitting (gritting our teeth) and surrendering to a loving process.

Yes, there are differences for many. And many of us fight. The key then becomes, what do we do after the fight...

Great post.
I agree with Mona (sp) that your she-wolf sounds like a lucky woman...hope its true. But your voice sounds a lot like my ex-husband's--a lot more congenial in public than private.

Can we get a witness? What's her name? :)
...(is that how you do the smiley? I'm not by nature a natural at it)
Michael, you've made me feel very good. Thank you. Come on in for a man-hug.
K1mjaye, the She-wolf is an electric bundle of charming and bizarre traits, challenging, infuriating and utterly irresistible. We are a match.
I'm glad. Everybody deserves a somebody.
Hello, Stellaa. Yes, you're quite right. Banal is one of my specialties. Thank you for noticing.

And yes, men need to manage their women, and women need to manage their men. It's essential.

I'm quite sure you're right that my power is only virtual. I'm virtually certain of it.
So Stellaa, I hear you saying the most deplorable aspect of this is the belief that a woman can be managed, and that makes you angry...and you think I am a cowrd for using a psuedonym... :-)
Stellaa,

Just having a little post-Thanksgiving Day fun on a rare weekday off from the mines. MTN just likes to get things going...and he is pretty good at it.
Stellaa, your ripostes make my day.
Stella for Star - EVERY human can be managed. We are hard wired to be, it is the default state. Third Reich. America pre 11/4 (I hope) - paying taxes to get screwed, and not in the South Forty. You with me, Princess?

And, to roll with your obvious need and lack, I suggest, heartily, a Hitachi Magic Wand.
Very entertaining. Lots of good advice--for anyone. I would tweak only two things:

1) You DO have to actually listen. Speaking as a woman, I can tell you, I feel perplexed--nay, exasperated--when my husband doesn't remember something I just told him. Now I know why!

2) I would take care about deflecting attention from the discussion at hand to praise a prior action or quality. When D does this to me, I feel as if he's trying to placate or distract me, neither of which I like.

I do love the rest of your advice, especially the reminder not to become physically menacing or emotionally threatening. You sound like a good guy.

Cheers.
Good post, The Man. Hirsuite , as always, and good sense.
Except for what UK noticed. If you agree to be better and do not remember what she is talking about, it dooms you to having the same bloody argument for decades.
Also, if she is holding her phone in her hand when you get loud and threatening, you should ask yourself if she has 911 on speed dial!
rated and want a hairy hug myself!
Sourie, your comments have been noted and will be considered. Your insights add to the virtual power of Man Talk Now, and, hence the frustration of Stellaa - and that's a lot of fun.

Stellaa and Xanadu, is the Hitachi what I think it is?
Or, as Harry Solomon said:

Women, you can't live with them, but there Everywhere!
Like Stellaa, I would never respond to any attempts to be "managed" or manipulated. This doesn't work for ANYONE. Most human beings can smell that a mile away and it will make things worse.

What I have learned with my husband, for many reasons, is that if I get a certain "tone" in my voice (and believe me, this is a huge pattern for me), any productive conversation I want to have with him is doomed before it begins. I cannot emphasize how true this is for many couples I work with. I don't say this as an "expert" because I hate that crap. Time after time, disagreements and fights escalate not because of what we are saying, but HOW we say them. I read a study once that suggested the more a man said, "Yes dear", the happier the marriage. Not only is this degrading to women, it's of course degrading to me. However, there is truth in the concept of letting go of ego, the need to be right, the need to "win". It's ridiculous. When I get my tone in alignment with my heart, the conversation is always productive.
I meant "not only is this degrading to women but degrading to men."
Happy men are well and deftly managed by their women. They know all about it, will admit it and laugh about it when pressed, approve of it and admire their women for it. Flip genders and it's also true. It's a sign not of insincerity, but of insight, understanding, commitment and if you're lucky, love.
you are very right. you have all the tricks down. what the ladies are not understanding is that men do care in some sense. they just would rather not deal with it, like women do. when will women understand this? never.
damn! that's one of my favorite lines and I did it wrong! It should have been they're not there.
...(crawling off into a corner, but rating this along the way)
MTN, I like your posts most of the time not because they are the last word on the matters they address, nor are they intended to be. But what this one does (as most tend to do) is provide the basics for a guy who was raised with way too many Guyville stereotypes to ever really hope to relate to a woman in honesty and tenderness.

If you are way sophisticated and beyond such things, the "basics" can seem banal. But sometimes the basics can be very refreshing.

Which is a really, really roundabout way of saying that you give some pretty solid advice here.
I'm not certain, but I think Liz just said that this post belongs in the tome "Women, for Dummies".

I might agree with that.
Stell, I often contradict myself, but not here. Not grokkin' your drift but the lesson, young lady, is that Hitachi-San is always the right accsessory for parties of 1 to 1000.
For the most part, excellent advice, although a big HARRUMPH!
to the "Now you are thinking like a woman" We Are Not Amused.

Greg is right about the patronizing. "Lighten up" and "Just
calm down"- send them straight into the trash can.
Hey, Man, did you delete my Stella praise?
The topic is interesting, but should people be managed?
wow, dude, you are so....Libra
Knowing how to talk to someone to try to get the best result (for both of you) isn't managing in a negative way. It sounds like Stellaa (whom of course I wouldn't presume to speak for) is interpreting manage to mean manipulate or control. I think that instead you mean it as, how to talk to someone effectively without making things worse. Which is perfectly reasonable and an excellent goal. We're taught that we should fight to win. We don't learn that we should find a way for both people to win. That's harder and takes a lot more in the mental processing department to pull off.

Rated.
See folks, a better way to learn from this post is to look at how the tips are for communication. Period. Not necessarily for a woman to a man, but really, these suggestions will work in any situation. Coworker, boss, toll booth worker, county commissioner. I think we're used to mystifying the Man/Woman discourse as being impossible to master. But truth is, communicating with people is always best when the "special" circumstances of the other can be considered. And yes, being a woman is considered "special" circumstances to most men. But I'll admit that knowing my audience is the biggest goal I have when making a plea. Whether it's for a discount at the flea market or getting the man of the hour to not only agree to rub my shoulders ...but WANT to.

I'm sure the guys out there would agree that you wouldn't throw or scream or turn your back on your guy buddies if you disagreed on something, so the idea that you "shouldn't" do that in man/woman combat is a little childish. But we act like children with the ones we love, it's so pathetic. I think it's because the sex makes our emotional piece the top toy in the box.
Elektra, no I don't delete comments. And I certainly wouldn't delete praise for Stellaa, even though she's frequently wrong about so many things. Please feel free to re-praise Stellaa.

Hyblaean, I have been called many things, some of them quite colorful, but never a "Libra". Not sure if that's good or bad.

Merwoman and MDawn, quit being all reasonable and sensible, when I'm doing my best to be prickly and snarky. "Can't we all just get along?" No! Some people need a smack on the head. There. I feel better.
"2) I would take care about deflecting attention from the discussion at hand to praise a prior action or quality. When D does this to me, I feel as if he's trying to placate or distract me, neither of which I like."

word.

As I said earlier, whatever you do, do it with sincerity. That's what works.

I used to teach management classes in a large corporation. There would always be someone in every class who would ask if techniques for stuff like reinforcing good behavior in employees wasn't "just manipulation."

Of course, in the broadest, oldest sense of that word it is (that word has gotten pejorative with time/usage). OTOH, we manipulate others all the time when we do things to elicit one response and not another. We do this countless times a day without thinking.

And I think if your motive is good (e.g., to have a good partnership) and you are sincere (not bullshitting) in what you say, then you are OK.

Influencing other people's behavior isn't wrong.
Elektra Jones asks: "The topic is interesting, but should people be managed?

Should isn't even a question. People ARE managed. All the time. By teachers, government, spouses, and especially by commercial interests (have you ever bought something which some advertiser convinced you you HAD to have, only to find it was a piece of crap?)

I rest my case, or my six-pack, or whatever.
"'Can't we all just get along?' No! Some people need a smack on the head."

Man, you need a smack on the head? I can arrange.
and so it was written. i luv it :)
I thought this was hilarious because I’ve witnessed/experienced everyone of these failures and successes. In reading this comment, it is important to remember that this is just my own experience, nothing more...

There is no doubt that men and women approach arguing from different reference points. I have distilled all of this down to two simple foundational differences based on my own experiences.

***** Women argue first from their “feelings”. Everything else follows from that. What’s most important to them is how they “feel” about something that has occurred. And usually, EVERYTHING is somehow going to be related to those feelings.

***** Men argue from the “events” that occurred. We tend to not consider feelings as highly because we are looking to discover the source of the problem and how to correct.

I have actually done this distillation very consciously because over the years I have learned that an argument with a woman can occur at any moment, over what seems like absolutely nothing at the time, and with absolutely no warning at all. So, I decided that a quick-access mental approach is needed.

When faced with an argument within my relationship with my spouse, I follow two initial guidelines. As is true with all “guidelines”, there are always exceptions to these, but these two simple directives have served me well in my relationships.

The two overarching guidelines are these:

One of my guidelines for men is this: at the beginning of the argument, focus on how she is feeling about the situation, not on who’s right or wrong (that can be addressed later if essential), or even what the actual source of the problem may be. The first most important thing is for you to know and acknowledge how she feels.

Another guideline is this: assume any and all ‘possible’ responsibility for ANYTHING you may have said or done that contributed to her feelings, regardless of how it may, or may not, have been misinterpreted. Even if you feel you did nothing wrong, it is important that she knows you respect her perception. The utmost important thing is that she knows you understand, and care about, her “feelings”.

I have found that if I approach arguments this way, things always go better much quicker, and once things have calmed down, other aspects can be addressed more reasonably, such as possible hidden issues, or why things happened as they did.

And Man Talk Now is right about talking about your own “feelings”, but with sincerity. It has taken me a good twenty five years of relationship experience to be able to talk about my feelings easily (though it still “feels” uncomfortable sometimes), and to learn these simple truths. But these two guidelines really defuse a situation in a healthy manner.
Ah, yes, another one of these articles which can be summed up as "just be a puppy dog and let her rip you."

Screw that.

If someone's a bitch to me, I will rip her head off and hand it to her. And I will not apologize.

Here's a perfect example. I was seeing someone who came over before we headed out to a party. She set her coat down on the bed instead of hanging it up. My cat decided to head on over to snuggle in it, just like cats do.

She got all bent out of shape, and said the cats go, or I go. I laughed and she said she was serious.

I picked up the phone, dialed the number for a cab, and handed the phone to her. I told her that she could pay for the cab fare on her own and that I wasn't going to walk her downstairs.

The look on her face was priceless.

We went to that party, and I drove her home, walked her to the door, said goodbye, and walked away. I never called her back, never picked up the phone when I saw it was her number, and that was that.

I ran into her many years later. She was married, and it was clear that she had some guy with no spine wrapped around her little finger. I shook his hand, said hello, and was thinking to myself, you poor boy.

Later, at the event I was at, she ripped into him for something that clearly wasn't his fault, and when he apologized, I laughed.
Tony,

I think you have brought up an aspect that has been neglected in this discussion: that of the value of the other person to you when you argue with them. That reflects on the difference between a valued committed relationship and a non-committal relationship. Your story about the cat is one to which I readily relate. But she was not someone you were committed to, and not someone who was particularly committed to you. That’s the important difference.

Trying to understand another’s perspective is not a weakness as you portray it. But there are different levels of relationship, and depending on the depth of the relationship, approaches to disagreements will vary.
I suppose this means you do not wish to play with 'little richard' tonight?

Seriously, I do feel that most people do live quiet lives of desperation. People, couples dance around problems hoping they will go away. Most of the time they do go away.

Ignoring bigger issues that grow and fester can cause even more pain later on. I do not feel like Dr. Phil tonite.

Set rules, set times for discussions. Take some time to praise the other person when they do something good.
my husband and i almost never argued. perhaps we should have.
Snork.

Sorry, MTN, won't happen again. ;)
the case for staying single for me. all of this talking about talking is so. incredibly. boring. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

just get naked already. I'll talk to my girlfriends.
Amazing, Man Talk! Men and women could learn something from this. So well explained! Coach Man Talk NOW! Bravo!
Someone mentioned Dr. Phil. I'd like to chase Dr. Phil through the woods and bring him down like a white-tailed deer. Do the world a favor.
I should forward this to my supervisor. This is excellent.
I don't believe your bio.
Good call. But sometimes a big fight is fun, angry sex has its perks.
Sandra said: "I don't believe your bio."

Since it's only three words, I'm assuming you mean you don't think I'm a man. Now is that a shot at my manhood (whatever that means), or a claim that I'm a woman?
Don't argue your point with her, just make sure that you explain that point up front on your first date with another woman.
(R)
this is one of the dumbest stances I have ever heard a group of nut-less men take. don't argue with a woman and let her yell and get very angry and treat men like crap... its impossible speaking to women now a days. they know everything and if you don't believe me just ask them they will of course tell you they are smarter than all men. bullshit. don't buy it guys... its all garbage