There’s a lady named Stellaa who blogs here on Open Salon.  You probably know her.  She’s a very good writer, and is well-liked.  She has a natural feel for the medium.  Stellaa posts about politics, current events, food and even odd, silly things that make her laugh. 

I like Stella’s blog.  Not everything she writes is up my alley, of course.  I think it would be strange, actually, if I were interested in or agreed with everything she writes.  We have each been shaped by different backgrounds, experiences and generations.  And genders.  But I enjoy her approach and take on the world.  In her blog’s biographical information, she styles herself as a “flaneuse”, and I think that’s bang on.  She saunters and strolls, muses and thinks and writes.

I don’t spend a lot of time on Open Salon, and when I do read and post it tends to be in fits and starts.  But I do have my favorite people to read, and Stellaa is one of them.  She often manages to find an insight that illuminates an issue from a new direction.  Her recent piece The Myth of Online Community was a terrific example of that.

Now, I too blog sometimes on Open Salon.  Stellaa doesn’t like my blog.  Well, fair enough.  I can certainly understand that.  Lots of people don’t like my blog.  I know that, because they tell me so! 

But Stellaa appears to have a particular antipathy for my scribbling.  It seems every other time I post something, Stellaa adds a comment calling it “banal”.  Each time she does so, I respond that she’s quite right.  Without doubt.  My stuff is featherweight and I know it.  Still, I blog because it’s fun.  And I like to try things.

I must admit, though, that I don’t quite understand why I seem to be such a bee in Stellaa’s bonnet.  Late last night, she posted what she tagged as a “pinot noir rant” titled Faux Sexuality.  Apparently, Stellaa is mad at me and another Open Salon blogger for… crimes against sexuality?

Worse, if I understand Stellaa correctly, she’s irritated that some people “admire” or are “enchanted with” what I and the other blogger write.  That seems an exaggeration.  For my part, anyway, I’m not among the most widely-read bloggers here.  (Though it does tickle me pink when people like something I post.)

In addition to calling me “banal” (which is certainly true), Stellaa calls me “boring” (which I know is sometimes true), but then goes on to attach other unwelcome limpets to me.

-I am guilty of “faux”, “fake”, “false” and “ersatz” sexuality

-I am an “obvious poseur”

-I am a “sexual amateur”

It’s quite a thorough attack.  In fact, it feels like an attempt to delegitimize and shun.  I’d argue that it was rather mean-spirited.  I’d argue also that it unfairly characterizes me.

Since November, I’ve posted 9 times.  Most of my posts have been satire (or at least attempts at satire).  Nearly all of them have been purposefully self-mocking – including the two that were broadly related to sex.

Now, sex is interesting to me, for a number of reasons.  The first is obvious.  It’s a marvelous thing, and I really enjoy it, “amateur” that I may be.  Sex is also interesting for the ways it can make us feel vulnerable and ridiculous.  I find that humorous.  And leveling.

Contrary to the impression Stellaa gives in her post today, I don’t write about sex very often.  And when I do, I don’t go out of my way to titillate.  Whether I succeed or not, I do try to be circumspect, use restraint, suggest rather than state explicitly. 

I write here on Open Salon, in my fits and starts, and I have a lot of fun doing it.  It’s a wonderful place and platform, full of literate and opinionated people.  I write silly rants about nothing that quite a few people see when the posts are funny.  I write silly poems that nobody reads, but that I love to write.  Sometimes I write indirectly about myself.  I like to think I’m pretty clear-eyed on that topic.

I’m not crying bitter tears because Stellaa picked on the poor wolf.  I am puzzled, however.  I just don’t see what I did to deserve her animus, rather than her simple uninterest.  Was it really necessary for her to write a nasty piece that rallied her readers to call me names and declare that my blog “pulls the needy women”?

So what’s a man to do?  Why the same thing we always do:  refuse stubbornly to change whether we’re right or wrong.  I’m going to keep reading and enjoying Stella, keep typing my lightweight posts, and keep agreeing with Stellaa that every blessed word that appears on my blog is utterly, unabashedly banal.

Sadly, what we’ve got here is a case of extremely unrequited like. ;)