I’m having difficulty keeping track of the feuds, scuffles, skirmishes and wars. I can’t figure out who’s in which tribe. How the hell can I know how to take sides?
I mean, I’ve got a vague idea of which personalities seem to itch for fights, which people feel most alive when they’re either provoking or gleefully responding to provocation, and who gets really, really excited at the prospect of a “dustup”.
I think I even understand some of the dynamics that lead to the development of a mega-cluster-dustup. My theory is that it’s similar to the physics of a tornado – the right combination of temperature and pressure – with a bit of the chemistry of bored online people mixed in.
Look, I feel a certain sense of ownership toward Open Salon. I have to. I’ve been polluting this place with my vainglorious, verbose and pointless posts for nearly four years.
And I know I’ve been a bad member for some time now. Just posting and running. Not reading or commenting as much as I should, and not even responding to comments on my own blog (though I do read them). I’ve been ManTalkAndDon’tListen, and I’m sorry about that. I’ll try to do better.
But help a wolf out, willya? Somebody has to make the OS experience easier, and not just for me. There must be others out there who are puzzled by all the battles and attacks, and who need to understand how the combatants line up.
I think it’s vital that someone produce an at-a-glance chart describing who hates whom. A little detail on why whom is hated by who would be very edifying, too. Given that a rapidly growing portion of the content posted here seems to be of the belligerent sort, aimed at other OS members, this would seem to be a logical and necessary step.
The next step, of course, should be to rename Open Salon as Open Combat. Like those “first-person shooter” games, bloggers would be required to sign up for one of the different tribes/armies, in order to participate in the “first-person slanderer” games.
What fun! I can’t wait. I have a massive cache of ammunition at the ready. An endless supply of words, some short, some multisyllabic, all sharply pointed.
Consider me an eager, enthusiastic and capable hired gun. You want me in the fight with you. Whichever side manages to recruit me will be very lucky.
I’m also the proud owner of broad shoulders, a square jaw, nice teeth and girlish lips. You get those as a free bonus.
Now saying odd things on Twitter: http://twitter.com/mantalknow