Geneva, October 16, 2012 – Well-known attractive person and sometime actor Brad Pitt has had his membership revoked by the world’s premier club for handsome men. An announcement today by the Geneva-based Congrès Orageux des Hommes Chics (COHC) cited Mr. Pitt’s new advertising campaign for Chanel No. 5 perfume as the reason for the expulsion.
In a statement, the Congrès emphasized that members must adhere to an exacting series of requirements, in order to maintain membership in the prestigious organization. With the Chanel advertising campaign, Mr. Pitt was found to have violated several elements of membership rules.
“It was an outrageous breach of the Handsome Man Code,” said Congrès spokesperson ManTalkNow. “Anyone who has seen the advertisements would agree.”
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“As a handsome man, you are given a great deal of latitude on smarminess, arrogance, pretentiousness and insincerity,” said Mr. Man. “But there are limits, damn it. Brad’s monologue and performance in these ads quite simply showed excessive similarity to the process by which some women are said to flush their reproductive organs. It’s horrible to see a man degrade himself like this.”
Asked if Mr. Pitt’s reported $7 million payday for performing in the commercials was a factor in the decision of the Congrès, Mr. Man said it was not. “We permit our handsome men members to whore themselves out for piles of money – in fact we encourage it. Undeserved income is one of the best things about being handsome. But it has to be for the right product. I mean, come on. Chanel No. 5? Where’s he meeting women who smell like that? Seniors residences? Lawn bowling tournaments? Mitt Romney rallies?”
Mr. Man suggested that Mr. Pitt should have selected a more appropriate product to promote. “Brad had a choice. He could have tied himself to something better, like sexy alcoholic beverages, sexy lingerie, or sexy ladies’ handguns. Instead, he’s ruined his own image – and by extension harmed the image of the Congrès - by hocking a scent popular with suburban grannies. And he did it in a laughably bad way, speaking painfully bad free verse that sounds like it was written by some overwrought teenager or half-assed blogger.”
“That’s not handsome behavior,” concluded ManTalkNow. “So we invited him to leave our organization. That means we kicked him out. But we’re based in the French part of Switzerland, so we’re required to say we ‘invited him to leave’ because it’s more passive-aggressive.”
ManTalkNow endorses Dior J’adore.
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