Man Talk Now's Blog

Testosterone Ain't Hormone Pollution
FEBRUARY 4, 2013 6:20PM

You Should Get Married, She Said

Rate: 20 Flag


Marianne and I were drinking together at our usual spot. She chose the spot a few years ago, and it was fine with me. It’s stylish without being trendy. It’s the kind of place professional women like, because they can wear a suit and still feel rather sexy. And it’s expensive, which bothers Marianne not at all, because she expects me to pay. 

“You should get married,” Marianne told me, then took a sip of her second martini.

“That’s brilliant. Sheer genius. And entirely original,” I replied, scanning the bar for shiny objects in professional packages. 

“There are lots of advantages.”

“And you’re going to tell me some of them,” I sighed into my bourbon.

“Fine, then,” she said haughtily, “If you don’t want to listen to reasoned counsel…” 

“Go ahead and counsel me, counselor. But I’m not paying your ridiculous hourly.”

“I’m worth every penny!” she objected.

I met her eyes and grinned evilly. “I’m quite certain you are,” I said, enjoying being crude.

She didn’t know whether to be offended or flattered, so she settled for both. “You’re a pig with a nasty mind, but you should still get married,” she declared, frowning and smiling at the same time. It was a neat trick.

“It’s time for you to grow up,” she continued. “You’re looking at 40. If you’re not married by 40, people are going to think you’re either gay or weird.”

“Or maybe both!” I said, wide-eyed.

She ignored me, as she often does. “Plus, you want to have children.”

“That’s true,” I allowed.

“So you can’t keep putting it off. Think about it. Let’s say, like, tomorrow you married a woman who’s 35. Fertility could already be an issue. You spend a couple of years getting comfortable and building a nest, and you may be facing a hard time becoming parents.”

“No problem,” I said. “I like much younger women.”

“No, you don’t. You do not. I know you very well.”

“Biblically, even!”

She looked away, exasperated, and swore under her breath. “We’re not talking about that. Again.”

“Okay, but we’re thinking about it,” I smiled, thinking about it.

“Shut up.”


“Now pay attention. You,” she said, sitting forward and pointing a red fingernail at me, “would like being married.” Then she drained her glass. I signaled the waitress for another round.

“Would I? What would I like?”

“Having a real partner, for one thing. When you have that kind of partner – to share the experience - the good things in life are even better, and the bad things are less bad.”

“I share things,” I countered. “I just share different things with different people at different times.”

“It’s not the same,” she insisted. “You know it’s not the same. You need to quit dabbling in relationships and get serious about it. Just in the last few years I’ve met… I don’t know… four or five women you’ve been dating, any one of whom could’ve made a great wife for you.”

“Mmmm,” I nodded. “But what if I wouldn’t make such a great husband for them?”

Marianne paused to smile as the waitress delivered fresh drinks, then to take a large slurp of martini. “Yes, you would.”

“I travel too much. I’m never here.”

“So travel less. Change your business model,” she said.

“I like my space,” I added. “I like the way I have my life arranged. I know where everything is.”

“It’s easier than you think to adjust to a spouse in the house. Compromise isn’t that hard.”

“I like sex to be dramatic, not routine,” I continued.

“You can have dramatic married sex,” she shot back. “And you are the one who helped me remember that.”

“And I’m a stubborn, arrogant, disputatious man, and always will be.”

“So you need to marry a stubborn, arrogant, disputatious woman, who’ll make you deliriously happy and fill in the holes in your life. And you need to do it soon. Before you get old.”

I thought for a moment, sipping my drink. Considered a few things, and a few people. Thought about marriages I knew of, good and bad.

“I can’t just keep on keeping on?” I asked, grinning faintly. “The carnival has to stop?”

“Not at all,” she said, with a very big, very genuine smile. “It’s just a different kind of carnival. It’s just as good.”

“Hmmm. You’re smart.”

“Thank you.”

I reached my glass halfway across the table. She leaned forward to clink hers to mine.

“Did you just look down my cleavage?” she said mock-indignantly.

“Only briefly and reverently,” I said.




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hesitancy, marriage, women, men

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The attorney could be paid in full upfront then kept on retainer for a specific amount of time.
The bar tab can be paid at the end of the night.
The rest of it isn't quite so easy.
I've been married 41 years, and it ain't bad. R
This conversation you describe is neither here nor there, like a long Sunday curry luncheon in Kuala Lumpur.

As the self-proclaimed champion of Emotions Rule (trademark pending), I must ask,
How do you feel? As opposed to what do you think.
"Is she the one who you can wake up to when you are ugly and old?
Is her mind on fire for that dramatic sex?
I she an alpha female like you? Like your counselor said.

Listen to thee two guys who have commented before - you got it right there. It ain't easy and it ain't bad. I would not say that is a resounding Yeah, but the longevity of their domestic ties speaks for itself.

I feel I should pipe in from the distaff side of the mess hall. Being a mother has been the most fulfilling role in my life. Being wanton in the arms of my one-and-only was...dramatic...etc...

Keep us posted. I want a personal invitation if you think you are good enough for her, etc.


Your Trusted Advisor
oh, and would you excuse her for not correcting typos before she posted stuff? I have to believe there is someone out there who would think this habit of mine is tolerably charming, when weighed against my myriad good qualities.

See, like you, I wonder...I am such good company to myself and find my foibles charming. Who would be so tolerant of me as I am to myself?

Nutshell, free of charge.
whoa, thats crazy talk there dude.
speaking from a guy whose been hitched over 10yr.
ssssh dont tell anyone, the cyber groupies will all abandon me.
actually Im only writing to say that anyone who uses the word "disputatious" is either weird or gay. or both :p
I really enjoy these little vignettes.
Slice of Life & a little cleavage! R

Seriously though. Don't.
By all means. You should. Little wolves are cute.
Stay single. The wife will just open new holes as she fills up the old ones. R

Well done. I think you should pay close attention to your hesitancy.
Age is a consideration. If you really want kids do you want to be 60-ish when they're in their teens?
From what I have observed of life, if you really want to get married you will find someone to marry. But, if you're only reason for getting married is to have kids, then you need to do a Ricky Martin and find a surrogate. You can be a single Dad, ya know. Or adopt. There are enough divorced people in the world and enough kids trying to live between two or more households.
And I am really getting irritated with myself and my seeming inability to use the proper forms of your/ you're. What is going on with my brain?
When it's there you'll know it. Wait for that moment....
Brilliant clear writing. I love the "disputatious " word. It just thrills me. Don't get married. It is a pit. But having a partner is fun. There was an old man at the nursing home and we asked him if he had ever been married...."No, I mistakenly thought I could do it alone." so sad.
You see? Don't do it until you know in your heart and you don't have to ask all of us out here.
You'll know it when it's time.
I think marriage is too hard. Course that could just be me.
“And I’m a stubborn, arrogant, disputatious man, and always will be.”

“So you need to marry a stubborn, arrogant, disputatious woman"

An honest, self-assessment ... followed by some of the worst adivce I've heard since "go all-in on Enron stock".
Nice bit of fiction! (it was the 'looking at 40' that gave you away)
When are you going to put all these into an anthology and publish the dang thing.
OMG. That's the first time a comment has worked for me since July 2012. I wouldn't have been quite so flippant if it wasn't mainly just a test. Seriously. Why not?
Hesitate until you feel no hesitance. Or not.