DO I NEED THERAPY? 

Me, my computer and the Internet. Is that a threesome? Is it kinky?

Perhaps I should not own a computer. Of course that is impractical because so many business processes are on line and require a computer as well as Internet access. Applying for things requires on line access. How many times have you asked a question on a phone call and were told to go to www.etc? Many times purchasing on line will save you money and if not money at least you can do it in your own home at your leisure. I have purchased many items on line. My husband used to call me a farmer. I was just ahead of the times because on line purchasing has become ordinary, if you are a shopper. Non shoppers will think this is all hog wash.

Of course computers and the Internet help us keep in touch with many and even re connect with many that became lost to us. Letter writing has been fairly archaic for many years. Maybe not to us bloggers because we like to write but to the civilians it was and still is a chore, a weight and just something they will not and can not do. I remember when I wrote letters I would get a call back apologizing for no reply to my letters. I knew they would not reply but I secretly wished they would and I would find a letter in my mail box instead of a bill.

Interesting that these non letter writers like e mail and will actually write an e mail. Or if not initiate one on their own they will in due time reply to yours. Sometimes they can even be chatty. Odd as it may be I hate long e mails. When I get a long one from someone I know I move on to the next e mail. When I check e mail I am not into heavy, serious thinking. I am into quick tell me what is going on “today” not your life from the past decades. And even “today” better be brief. The long e mails I save to read become iffy. I may not read them at all or it may be weeks before I want to tackle them. Sometimes the delay can be bad thing especially if they are counting on you for something.

I find a computer highly entertaining and I can get lost in the clicks. I get lost when I am looking for something not urgent and maybe random. I may loose interest in what I started searching for and click away on things that intrigue me. Viola and I arrive at some site that I become engrossed in and then after a while loose interest in and now find boring and dull and I just click off. One example of that is celebrity photos. I like the ones where the Celebes do not look good and are engaging in a faux pas. Another one that just took my breath away and then made me vomit was current hair styles. I spend long amounts of time on these sites studying, maybe copying and saving. Then at some point I may look at the time and say to myself, “What are you doing? How could you have spent so much time browsing at nothing? “ Or else I just get disgusted and know I have had enough.

Other times I go to intellectual sites. I believe I am intellectual. Belief about yourself is good. There does not have to be any truth to it. I have studied viruses, sociology studies, math, chemistry, detailed, numerous, and varied bios of people I am enchanted with as well as recipes. Recipes can be on the low side of intellectualism but as I said truth is not important: only belief.

I can spend hours in any of these endeavors. I can occupy and amuse myself for long periods of time. When I do this I am silent and can do this in silence which is an asset to those around me. They love it when I am quiet.

I definitely have a relationship with my computer. I count on my computer to be speedy, prompt and problem free. I expect my computer to be ready for me and to do it's stuff easily and even with some grace. My computer and I spend intimate moments together. No matter how much I try to break free I just can not. Someone will say, “I will e mail you that. What is your e mail address?” And just like that I am back on line with my computer looking in my e mail of pictures of someone's cat that I could care less about.