TO TAKE THE TEST OR NOT TO TAKE THE TEST

If you are looking for a job you will be put on notice by many places that you will be subjected to a drug test. I have never taken a drug test. I have never been subjected to a drug testing corporation. I have never applied for a job where I would be working with small children or operating heavy machinery or driving.

When I looked for work in the “old days” there was a different approach and way of doing it. Now to quote Bob Dylan “Things have changed.” I may not like the changes nor think they are benefiting me but I could see some reason for them. This line of reasoning does not apply to drug testing. It seems standard practice to drug test. Why, I do not know? It seems that corporations do not care what job you are applying for. If you want to work for them you better give up your urine with a smile.

Here is a true example. I applied for a job with week end work and where I would be required to wear a hair net. I think that maybe you are either wondering or know what that job is. The job is to “demonstrate food” which really means give out food to the customers. I am sure you have seen these lovely people in stores. My mother actually eats her meals at these places and some of these lovely people yell at her regularly for having sixths. She has the main meal and then hits the specialty places for dessert. She knows exactly where to go for free food. As an aside she has been doing this for years. When we lived in the Bronx she hit up our neighbors for food. She is not a mooch. She is a bad cook and has a big appetite. So we went to Zelda for cole slaw and potato things mainly yummy appetizers and side dishes. We hit Gerry up for dessert. Zelda was a good baker but an infrequent baker. Gerry was a great baker, baked regularly and also a creative dessert maker.

So now if I was hired I would have the privilege of “demonstrating” food in a hair net. I actually like the idea of the hair net for sanitary reasons but as a fashion statement it is a no no for me. There is also more uniform rules. Black bottoms, comfortable shoes and a white top with sleeves and collar which will be covered by an apron. There is another grandiose requirement for this job. I must “pass” a drug test. What is that about? Why do I need to be drug free to hand out food. Isn't this the type of job anyone can have as the skill level is close to zero? And what if I came to work stoned? Would I give out doubles? Would I be too happy at work and be busted? Can't a girl get a buzz while giving away food?

On a serious side I am thinking I might not pass the drug test. I do take prescription medicines. This has created a dilemma for me. I do not want to ask about whether I will pass or fail because I do not feel comfortable discussing my health with a stranger who happens to be my employer. I also do not know how my medicines are classified. They are those designer drugs that say “We do not know how this drug works but if it does for you, Thank God.” I also wonder if I did fail if someone would talk to me or would I just be mysteriously fired.

I am nauseated by drug testing as a corporate policy.  It just gives me a creepy feeling.  I am opposed to corporations drug testing as a policy. I can see no reason why I need a drug test for the position. I find the drug test degrading.  It makes me feel like a two year old.  I also do not see the desperate need for a drug free workplace.  Is there a special award for a drug free workplace?   What happened to diversity?   I need this job so I will be unhappily taking the drug test.  This may be a learning experience for me if I “fail” the drug test, but why should it be? So what is really going on?

I read 1984 and Brave New World along with the many. I did not believe that we would become robots with our minds taken over by Big Brother. I had an idealistic and optimistic approach to democracy, our government, and progress. Then along came Nixon. Yes he was a bad apple but he was outed. He tried to get away with it and he did but eventually he got caught. All was right with the USA again. Of course there were some screw ups along the way to 2009. And here we are in 2009 living in what I title “Corporate Nation.” Corporations are intervening in our life. Corporations wield so much power that if we do not capitulate to their demands and idiotic ones at that our livelihood will be threatened. This is actually some kind of Scary New World.

I have heard from others that corporations are now trying to control us to make us indentured servants. I am not even sure the corporations know what they are doing. The scenario I see in my mind is one day on of those genius male execs with a huge ego and a small you know what said, “Brimley what about drug tests?.” And Brimley who was a yes man said, “Yes sir, drug tests it shall be” and all of sudden drug tests it was.

What exactly are these corporations doing with your urine once tested? Did you know your urine contains DNA? This may sound diabolical but are these corporations selling your urine to labs? Are they making a profit on your urine? Are they or is someone else looking at, copying and selling your DNA? They very well could be because the way these corporations drug test does not seem economically feasible. They test everyone before you start work. There is an attrition factor so it seems to me they are spending a large sum of money repeatedly drug testing potential employees.

I did a little research about drug testing and the courts said it seems reasonable (with some exclusions) if your employer suspects you are using drugs and are stoned at work. That in itself sounds lame. Since when did your employer become a Narc? I realize there are training classes for this but what if your employer chose not to attend and keep current? And what about the corporations I am talking about that force you to take a drug test upon hiring. They do not suspect you are on drugs. In order to get into their idiotic club you have to take a drug test. This should be a violation of the 4^th amendment but apparently it is not. Judges love the Corporate Nation and they tend to side with them.  Judges seem to hate drugs and even the word drugs.  Judges show a high level of naivete in this area.  Taking a drug test to have the honor of being employed by these glorious corporations in a low level job is a fairly common requirement.

So here I am reluctantly giving in and giving up my urine in a cup when I would rather be throwing it in their faces.