Another blessed event is being visited on Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, God's most favored procreators. No, Michelle hasn't won the Breeders' Cup. They recently announced Duggar #20 is in the works.
Just thinking about it makes my ovaries ache.
I can't imagine an appropriate response. "Congratulations" seems about as worn-out as Michelle's uterus.
I have no problem with their ever-expanding fiefdom. I know almost nothing about the Duggars, I don't watch their reality show and I couldn't care less if they got a little crazy and decided to name their 20th child something that didn't start with the letter 'J.'
When I was kid, I'd have been jealous of them. I grew up with only one sibling, a 14-months-younger sister. We were never close. Our current relationship can best be described as "distant." The distance between us is approximately the length of the Grand Canyon and twice as deep. We visited it together once. As we stood on a rocky outcropping taking pictures at sunset, poised thousands of feet above the abyss, no one else in sight, I fantasized about asking her if I could take her picture with her back to the canyon.
"Now back up just a little more. A little more. Coupla' steps more, keep going, I'll tell you when to stop."
Because of her, as a kid I longed for a REALLY BIG FAMILY. Wouldn't it be lovely to be part of a large, noisy brood where someone always had your back. Where, if you were on the outs with one, there were multiple others to choose. Where there was no chance of ever being lonely.
Sisters to trade clothes with, fix each other’s hair, and giggle about boys. Brothers to defend you, teach you about sports, and fix you up with their cute friends. The holidays would be rollicking good times but every day would feel like a holiday in a RBF. The good times would never end, unlike the last exchange with my sis, which pretty much ensures we'll never speak again.
It culminated with me calling her a very bad name that sort of rhymes with "elephant," minus the "ele-". In front of her boyfriend. After I'd rapped HARD on her motorcycle helmet to get her attention, since the motorcycle was on and very loud. So I had to shout it, maybe a little louder than necessary, because some of the neighbors who were outside at the time turned to look. Including the minister and his wife who live next door and were planting begonias.
If I had other siblings, I could have immediately dialed them up one by one, told them the whole sordid story (painting me as the victim, of course) and we'd have gossiped about her all day.
The books I read and the shows I watched reinforced my notions of the joys of the RBF: The Happy Hollisters. Cheaper By The Dozen. The Bobbsey Twins. The Sound of Music, The Brady Bunch, The Waltons.
But the ultimate RBF to me was Bobby and Ethel Kennedy's gang. Why couldn't my family be from Massachusetts, have presidential candidates as relatives and talk funny. I made up my own Kennedy-like family and spent many happy hours imagining us playing rousing games of touch football, frolicking on the Cape, and taking up multiple pews in church.
Since most of my friends and our neighbors had families of only two or three kids, it wasn't until I was older that I discovered all was not always hunky-dory in a RBF. I learned about the Kennedys and their myriad problems, but they were easy to write off due to the unique pressures of being a Kennedy.
Then I finally made a friend who'd come from a family of nine children. One day I asked her what it had been like. "Wasn't it great," I gushed.
She thought a moment and shook her head. "Great? Not really. I was the youngest and most of them were gone by the time I entered my teens. Some of them had families of their own. I didn't really know them."
Then she added, "And my parents were tired too. They were ready to do their own thing by the time I came along. I was actually kind of lonely."
Over the years I heard variations on this story from others who'd come from RBFs. All was not as blissful as I'd pictured. They said they'd never felt like they truly had their parents' attention. There was always so much work to do, endless chores. In some cases, never enough food. The house was always a mess. Possessions weren't safe.
And they didn't all like each other. Some barely knew each other because of the big age differences.
But the one thing I heard more than any other was how easy it was to get lost in all those kids. It was hard to feel like an individual. Everyone said they'd either never have kids of their own or would limit them to one or two.
I wish the Duggars the best with #20. I'm sure they're good parents and have a nice family. I just hope that #20 and however many come after him or her doesn't get lost in the crowd.
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It created a huge rift with my sister and only when she was dying did I tell her how sorry I was that we never had a relationship. It came from having to raise her at a young age with no parental units around.
BUT you cannot choose your family and I just cannot imagine having 19 brothers and sisters. The largest family I met was one filled with 10 kids and The Waltons they were not.
HUGGGGG
My mother is the oldest of eight kids, nominally the product of Gramma and Grampa McDonnell -- I say nominally, but that's a long story for another time. For now, let's say nominally led to a divorce, and Gramma married a guy with nine kids, and then they had one together. So I guess that makes 18 altogether -- but hey, who's counting? Or should I say who's keeping track? Nobody.
I come from what would be considered a large family these days. Mom and Dad had six kids, but the youngest died at 11 mos. The rest of us certainly had our spats growing up, but I regret to add to your sorrow by saying we are all very close these days. I attribute that to the fact that I, the eldest, left home at 18 and have lived away from my hometown pretty much ever since.
Ah, but our reunions are a glorious, music-filled good time -- you would be insanely jealous, but at least you'd be entertained.
"Big families are both a blessing and a curse; there's more to love
and more to lose." Hit me like a brick wall when it started to
happen. Being the youngest, if nature takes it course .... well, you
get the picture.
Like Rita, I moved out having just turned 18. I feel differently about all of it now. Feel I was destined to be raised there as though I needed those lessons. Too bad you and your Sis aren't closer but I guess if it was meant to be ... I have 4, we're not all close, close, but I would do whatever it took for any of them.
Btw, The Brady Bunch was shite. I don't care what anyone says, after all, what's the fun with dysfunction? ;)
I grew up with a series of rodents and parakeets for siblings which sadly didn't live long. It was lonely when one of them died or we moved but they were agreeable friends while they lasted. I did hope for a brother or sister but it never happened so I don't really know what it's like to have a big family.
On the upside, it was always quiet enough to read and my toys stayed in perfect condition. It might be nice to have a sibling now but it's okay, there's no gaurantee we would have been close and I doubt I'll be visiting the Grand Canyon. I have a cat now and we get on quite well, she isn't very friendly but she doesn't make many demands. Things even out.
Linda: I hope what you said about your father isn't true although I'm pretty sure you're not joking. You're right, you can't choose your family - you do the best you can with what you have. I also knew a family of 10 and they too were the opposite of the Waltons. I heard some stories that would curl your hair.
Rita: I'm glad to hear a happy story about a big family and I know there are lots. I still wish my mother had had more kids although 20 would be a bit much. She came from a family of 8 kids and they were happy and close.
Tom: I am truly happy for you. Big families can be a real joy; my mother has said she wished she'd had more children. And yes, I'd be jealous of the reunions. My mother's side used to have them - she came from a family of 8 siblings - and they were a blast but almost everyone is gone now. Cherish it while you have it.
Macco: I'm glad to hear there's plenty of happy big families out there and I assumed there were. I don't know a whole lot of people from large families and I was disappointed to find out that what I'd envisioned wasn't always the case. You're very lucky. I also have four of my own. It's a good number I think. And, thank you.
Scarlett: You never heard of the Duggars? Well there's not much to know. They've had a reality show for a number of years based from what I know solely on the fact that they have a lot of kids. I can't fathom why that would be entertaining but since Kate + 8 is also popular (you've heard of Kate Gosselin, right?) I guess people like that sort of thing. My two favorite TV families were the Waltons and the Huxtables. I like the quote about big families.
Having said that, I had two imaginary sisters until I was about 13, I was so damn lonely. I loved all the books with big (not Jigantic) families: Little Women, Five Little Peppers, Little House on the Prairie, and yes, Cheaper by the Dozen, which I practically memorized. But the Duggars and their brood of J's just rub me the wrong way. If they stayed off the television and kept their family to themselves, maybe it wouldn't cause such a reaction in me. But feach baby J is announced with such fanfare, it looks LUDICROUS and contrived. Exhaling and rating.~r
Sarah: How strange; I feel like I lapse into a Tourettes-like condition when I'm around my sister! I'm glad you liked it.
Brian: "A national platform for nothing other than being a fertile museum piece.." ha ha ha! It's got to be hard for someone who's trying to conceive to hear about the Duggars. My feeling is, to each his own, but I can't help but wonder when is enough, enough. Is she going to try to make use of every last egg in there? I'm sorry about your wife. I hope the surgery goes well.
20 kids.. 8-O.. good Gods..
I had close to 20 dogs at one time and it drove me bats making sure that they all got my attention and no one got left out. I can not - can NOT imagine if it had been 20 kids. The one thing I can imagine with fair success is that I'd not be here today in such a case.
However.. from observing my aunt's family of 12 (there were fourteen but two passed prematurely), the olders helped raise the youngers so maybe 20 will work out in a similar fashion.
Still, better Michelle than me..
I'm tired just thinking of it.
Rated for sheer insanity.
As first born in a family of 5 children, I know that the eldest ones get roped in to help with the youngest. I developed an unsane aversion to changing diapers at an early age. And we used cloth diapers that had to be rinsed out immediately and washed properly as soon as possible! This was done by hand - we didn’t own a washing machine and there was no such thing as a laundromat in those days.
.
Ah, family. I am the middle of 3 girls. I won't go into detail but we have a LOT of hurt feelings between us and we get along but I no longer want them to be close. I read Little Women and the Little House series because I wanted those families.
Rated.
Seer: In terms of comprehension, it does boggle the mind. The sheer numbers of it all...the noise...the dirty dishes...the mismatched socks...my head is pounding already.
aim: You've got have an angle. Lots of women probably have vaginas. Some men do too. But do you have a talking vagina? If you can train your vagina to talk and it can say reasonably entertaining things and also be funny, then - boom - reality show. But just know there's a talking penis reality show in the works and it also sings opera.
sky: They're fundamentalist Christians who believe it's God's will that they have so many kids. Kind of funny - most people have sex praying they don't get pregnant, but with the Duggars it's just the opposite. Cloth diapers: yuck.
Candace: I've known many happy and well-adjusted only children. And many, many messed up individuals who had plenty of brothers and sisters. I did not know you had a sibling other than Craig. I'm sorry he's not a nice person. Aim's comment is pure gold.
Phyllis: The Duggars could colonize their own planet. I don't know anything about the kids - when you say the oldest has started in the "family business" do you mean, his wife is pregnant? Oh good Lord. I LOVED Little Women; I wanted to be Meg.
Thoth: You don't need 20 to write a book, do you - I wouldn't even know where to begin if I had that many. I'd be getting them all mixed up. Then again, maybe I'm a leeeetle bit envious that Mrs. D. has done so well with her 19 and here I am, keeping my fingers crossed for my four...
Pauline: It's true, the grass is always greener. In the case of a giant family like the Duggars, at least there's always someone to mow it. Maybe they put them all outside periodically and they graze, like a bunch of goats. I hear goats are fantastic for weed control.
I was quite content having an 18 month younger brother. We each had our own rooms, our own possessions... it was heaven. I love my brother.
Sisters. I never needed them. I've got the best girlfriends in the world.
You probably wondered what my stupid last sentence meant in my above comment. I just re-read it! I meant to say" what is the fun withOUT dysfunction?" ...
OK, let's picture this:
I've got twenty kids. Guess what, we're going on vacation! OK kids, everybody into the Civic! How many are we tying to the roof rack? How many are being pulled in the trailer? It's OK, we wrap them in bubble wrap and put bicycle helmets on them. Perfectly safe. The more there are, the tighter they're packed, the less they move. That's why sardines are safe when you ship them.
OK, first stop, the hotel. We only need _____ rooms,
Uh,
OK, we're going to the movies. That will be, uh, naah,
Ok, we're stopping for ice cream. At Cold Stone, average price something like $3.50 (that's a guess and possibly a low one), let's see....
Too many distractions with all those kids fighting in the car. Had an accident. Nothing serious. Fourteen of the kids are going to Urgent Care. At, I don't know, a minimum of sixty bucks a pop and, oh yeah, the wait for the last one will only be about 38 hours. Somebody find us spare change for the vending machines....
and That's why they need to go on reality television. So someone will pay them to be them.
Marilyn: Yes, I guess you'd have to be organized and that's something I'm not but have also pined for. I know! I need more kids, to make me more organized. Anyone who has any extras, send them my way. Just pile them in my garage and I'll get to them at some point.
Scarlett: Ryan Gosling is not related to Kate Gosselin as far as I know but her eight would be like having a passel of little goslings, quacking behind her. No need to waste time Googling the Gosselin goslings (clever,no?) No. Just think of the Duggars, minus 12. I've found there can be fun with dysfunction as well as without so your comment works either way. Depends on who's putting the "fun" in dysFUNction. About now, I'm thinking that would be me.
That'd be like hitting a puppy.
I just wonder how that baby will stay in...
Excellent writing. : )
I so wanted a RBF.
Just Thinking: "...like hitting a puppy." That is so funny!!! I have no beef with the Duggars. There are too many people out there who can't raise one kid properly, too many people who have no business being parents. If they weren't doing a good job you can be sure we'd hear about it. More power to them. And, thank you.