I'll just say it. I love to smoke. I can go for days and months and even years without doing it, with only minor withdrawal symptoms. But it's also ridiculously easy for me to start up again and any flimsy excuse will do: The sun's not shining bright enough. I think I'm going to feel stressed next Tuesday. That blind man gave me a dirty look.
Opening a brand new pack of cigarettes is one of the few things in life I can honestly say feels as good as it did the very first time. I love holding a fresh pack in my hand, smelling it, turning it this way and that, admiring the compactness of it. Then unfurling the little plastic ribbon, just like opening a present, pulling off the cellophane wrapper and slowly releasing the card board flip top. I feel a heady rush of excitement when I gently tear off the foil to finally reveal the treasure: twenty little white filter tops, standing sentinel, all for me.
Always consistently, reliably, exactly the same.
I gaze at them with something like affection and sometimes I whisper, I am going to suck the living daylights out of each and every one of you." And I swear to God, I hear twenty tiny voices call back, Me first, me first!
Cigarettes have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and even before that. My mother smoked while my sister and I were in her womb, a fact she makes no apologies for.
"Whatever problems you and your sister have - and there's plenty - have nothing to do with me smoking while I was pregnant. My suggestion is we all smoke together so we can say we have at least one thing in common."
My sister refused to start. Maybe that's why my mother and I get along so much better than the two of them.
Smoking wasn't always the sinister habit it is now, a habit that allows little children to make rude and snotty comments to puffing adults with their parents' stamp of approval. "Hey lady, your teeth are gonna rot and fall out and no guy will want to kiss you. Then you'll drop dead."
When I was growing up, a kid could buy cigarettes. My mother would send my sister or me to the corner store with a note that she re-used for years: Mrs. Jan gives permission for her daughter to buy her two packs of Virginia Slims REGULAR NOT MENTHOL!!! Her daughter can buy candy with the change.
Not only did we love being our mother's tobacco mule, we fought over the opportunity. Mommy, it's not fair! She got to go last time and you gave her a ten so she got candy AND a comic book.
Aside from my father, my mother and all our relatives smoked. Smoke wafted its way through my most treasured memories. Baptisms, Communions, weddings, holidays, family reunions, even funerals. It's no surprise I took it up early.
As a teenager I remember cruising with my girlfriends on a Friday or Saturday night in someone's car, radio blaring, ashtrays filling up with butts. Sometimes there would be beer, sometimes pot, sometimes neither one. But always, there were smokes.
They were a constant in my life and people who smoked seemed more authentic. When the health warnings became impossible to ignore and it became downright unfashionable to smoke, I appreciated the people who made no excuses for lighting up.
It's no surprise I married an unrepentent chain-smoker who died from atherosclerosis 11 years later, at the age of 40. It's also true that many of the friends and relatives from my past ended up with oxygen tanks by their sides. Or they died, from cancer or heart disease. Still, my happiest memories are inextricably laced with smoke.
Of course it's bad for the body, there's no debate there. So when I heard the FDA is going to require cigarette manufacturers to feature gruesome photographs on packages starting in September 2012, in an effort to keep kids from lighting up, I thought I'd take a look.
I don't want my kids to smoke. Maybe the pictures would even keep me from doing my binge thing. So I Googled them hoping I'd react strongly. I wanted to be shocked. Repulsed. Outraged.
I saw a photo of a mother blowing smoke at her baby. Another of a smoker wearing an oxygen mask. Still another of a person sporting nicotine-ravaged teeth and gums. And then there was the male corpse after an autopsy, where the coroner most likely found black, diseased lungs. Or perhaps clogged arteries, like my husband's. The dead guy looked like he had a zipper in his bare chest where he'd been sewn up.
I did experience a strong reaction on seeing these pictures and it was unexpected and surprising, although I'm sure it wasn't what the FDA is hoping for. What I felt when I looked at them was nostalgia.
And an uncontrollable craving for a cigarette.
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Poor Woman
Terry McKenna
old new lefty
Pensive Person
jmac1949
Ande Bliss
Salon.com
Comments
I smoked from age 15 to 25. I loved it. Now I can't stand the smell of it, and that's not like Oh-I'm-So-Much-Better-Than-You-Smokers kind of talk. Once I quit, it just made me sick to smell it.
Anyway, I sure hope tr ig doesn't see this. ~r
Nat Sherman have a brown paper `Havana Ovals.
I was given a Gift. The resent was a Hanoi tobacco.
The Elder also gave a water-bowl. Light with slivers.
A best way (I was taught) was to light a curled shave.
Never use a sulphur strike match or Bic. O, Lucky.
Camel
You ignite a curled-wood-planed-off by a block plane.
`
I know I was tearful when that kilo of tobacco was gone.
I never smoked after`Nam. We were given WW2 smokes.
The US Army are frugal. We were given leftover Rations.
Honest
I began a few sneaks after my Mother and Father died.
I was out cutting wood one day. I inhaled smoke fumes.
Chainsaws and cave-dwellers are one reason folk smoke.
O Gaud
WW-2 Pall Mall cigarettes is where distinguished gather.
We Grunts (combat-drafted) slept in Monsoon rain/chew.
I never chewed leftover Red Mule Chew from WW- Loon.
Loon is `1
Tune`y `2
Breath`3rd
Stinky Gaud.
Clouds in the sky is smoke. Later we shed Oxygen Tubes.
For a few moments we sit in outhouse (pot-chair). Puffs.
We sit, smile, and share a rolled shag-tobacco together.
Coughs
No weed
No buds
flowers
glisten
in Sun
plucks
for all
Friends
Roll own
Use Zig Zag Paper is the color green. Save good seeds.
Seed Saver Exchange - Google? You can share seeds.
They have a catalogue of global good gardener folk.
Seed Saver Exchange.
The First Nations wondered why colonialist killed.
The churchgoers shot people on non-Sunday days.
Same-same. Natives needed to be calmed down.
No sleep in bed. No fall asleep if smokin' on pot.
Pot is rural lingo for Indoor Water Spring. Flush.
People have have indoor spring smoke indoors.
I agree. I can go with or without. Smokers are fun.
You make me yearn for a cigarette. We kiss a`tip.
Cigarette tips are best if red-lip stained. Thanks.
Unfortunately I too grew up in a family of unrepentant smokers. Most of whom died young and of the myriad complications of smoking. Cancer, heart disease, and emphysema (all of which are now a part of my personal existence) all of that IMHO due to smoking. I think that Yul Brynner said it best for me even though it didn't stop me.
http://youtu.be/JNjunlWUJJI
I smoked one last night. It was wonderful!
So yes about all that unwrapping of foil and twenty fresh virgin ciggies...the tobacco boys did that with deliberation and intention, the nurturing of desire. Seventeen years here. Even though I quit meat and ate brown rice and crunchy granola, I kept loving my Old Golds, and saved my coupons for a set of flowered hand towels I did not really want. I could French inhale and craft smoke rings with the best of the New Wave film actresses.
You know what is almost as good as unwrapping the twenty virgins though? Pushing a brand spanky new can of Cafe Bustello under the can opener, lifting off the tin disc, sticking your nez down close for a sniff, then heaping four or five tablespoons per cup in a melitta filter and waiting for the kettle to boil. That's my sweet monkey these days, and two cans cost only five dollars!
Your deft prose and honest characterization of your desires for a cigarette illustrate perfectly how stupid are our attempts to try and legislate addiction. Public policy assumes that images depicting the devastation wreaked by smoking (or drinking or snorting or over-eating) will forestall someone with a pull towards certain substances. I doubt it's that simple (well, you prove it's not that simple) and it smacks of a Puritanism that assumes society can either shame or frighten the person into quitting his or her addiction.
That can't be the most effective or the most logical way to go about addressing the subject.
Still I pray you quit successfully.
*R*
"Whatever problems you and your sister have - and there's plenty "
Ha ha.
My mother actually quit for the 9 months she was having me and my sister and then started up again the minute we popped out. I always admired her for that. I've never willingly quit for more than 2 days. I too have such a nostalgia for the days where cigarettes(and alcohol, drug too actually)were less despised. People were sexier back then. Now we have a nation of gluten free abstainers.
Now, I have to ask people to quit. I am just frank about it, often citing to them the very things you say, yes, I have smoked, yes, I understand they are delicious and feel like your best friend, yes, they are always there for you, and yes, you really got to start quitting. Even if you slip up, get back on the horse. I am glad I broke from their hideous grasp, but I also know what it would take to get me back to them again and I do my best to avoid that, as well.
Of course I don't inhale them. I guess that may limit the cancer to my lips and tongue.
R
Also from a smoking extended family but it's mostly been women who smoke, the men less so. Two of my mother's brothers died of lung cancer in their 50's and 60's. Neither ever smoked. One of her sisters, a heavy smoker, has it in her mid-80's.
For me the addiction is not such a problem - pills and gum have covered that nicely. The part I can't get past, even when I'm not enjoying it so much, when the addiction feels like a problem - after almost 50 years, it's my normal.
I read an article one time that impressed me mightily. The point of the article was to leave present smokers the hell alone.
Stop the next generation from smoking.
The method was simple. Make all present smokers get a "free" smokers ID which they would need in order to buy smokes. Limit their purchases to one carton per week so they couldn't sell them. Let smokers have 6 months to get their ID card then NO MORE WOULD EVER BE ISSUED!! NOT EVER!
True, kids would still get their hands on smokes once in a while but not consistently enough or in quantity enough to get hooked. As the present generation of smokers died off, offer government subsidies to tobacco farmers to grow hemp instead - same soil conditions for both. Then offer cigarette manufacturers subsidies to turn to making cloth and other products from the hemp.
20 years would see the end of the tobacco industry, a new industry created to replace it, and the few smokers left would be growing their own tobacco in their back yard.
Sounded good to me....
.
My daughter and I are now watching "Mad Men". She can't believe how much everyone smokes and I can't believe after 34 years I am tempted to go buy a pack.
The only thing harder to quit is heroin, though coke's right up there too. Well, speed is worse actually, though my shameful QVC fetish has caused more difficulties in my life than even ketamine.
Tobacco is a bad drug.
We need better drugs.
I was over 30 when I started, well past the point of irrational youth. I too can take them or leave them...never smoked more than a pack a week, if that. No physical addiction here, and yet I chose not to quit the habit for years. Why? Because I fucking loved it! Simple as that. I've recently put my Virginia Slims (menthol please) down for many reasons and I'm glad I did but still, I embrace this heartfelt ode with a nostalgic heart.
Here's to guilty pleasures.
Of course it is pleasurable. People love to smoke.
People don't do anything this dangerous, expensive, and messy in substantial numbers unless it is good.
I think that is a flaw in the general tenor of teaching kids about drugs.
No one can stand to tell then that they are pleasurable.
I was supposed to hate smoking, I grew up being told it was dirty and dangerous. But I secretly loved the smell of lighting up, the sulphur smell of a match, the first few seconds of burning paper before the tobacco smell of the cigarette. I also love the smell of a new pack of cigarettes--dusty and sweet. I know my mom is healthier for quitting, but I also have fond memories of cigarette smoke from childhood.
Just don't tell my kids.
Hey, it could open new doors.
Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death hack
Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate coughcoughcough
That you hate to make him wait hackhackhack
But you just gotta have another cigarette wheeeeeeeeeeze...rimshot...clanggg-g-g-g-g
If my mother were here ... and could read your piece ... she might not leave you a word to let you know ... but she would be smiling and nodding and reaching out for ... just one more ...
I'm older than you. My father didn't need to give me a note. One dollar equalled four packages of Camels at our corner store.
Once I remember a college friend telling me that her mom had asked her if I smoked. Sorry, Margaret, but I was horrified. What would make your mother think ... She could smell it on your dress! I don;t remember why my dress spent that night at their house ... maybe I spent the night there ... I couldn't believe it. My dress .... smoke! What!!!
I remember analyzing all of it. Smoking had no smell. Four packs of Camels for my dad ... every day ... three packs of Raleighs for my mom and then my uncle ... Is he the one who smoked Pall Malls ...
When I lived in England, I remember one sight I'd never seen before. As I rode on the tube through London, I watched a man take out a thin thin thin piece of paper ... pour exactly the right amount of tobacco down the middle and then proceed to roll it up ... put it in his mouth and light it. No, really, tobacco. No one blinked an eye ...
I saw a billboard once in London ... I think ... it was for ... Silk Cut ... or maybe something else ... cigarettes ... the paper in which the tobacco was rolled made the cigarettes resemble a rainbow ... each one a different colour... I remember thinking my mom would love them ...
One day when a doctor came into my father's hospital room and asked him if he liked his legs attached as they were ... because if he did ... he was diabetic which didn't help ... that cigarette he had in his hand ... had to be his last ...
It was ... no one believed that he could do it ... but the doctor found the image ... that worked ... for my dad.
When another doctor told my mom her heart needed her to stop ... well ... I think she stopped. I was in England and had to believe what she told me ... but when I went home to take care of everyone when she had the heart attack ... I found an unopened carton of ... whatever they were ... in her bedroom ... waiting ... just in case ... I think ...
If my mom were here and could read your words ... she would nod and smile ... and understand ...
If I have one cigar a year my wife puts me on cancer watch.
@bobbit: If you'd really like to quit, look at The Easy Way to Quit Smoking method by Allen Carr. The actual withdrawal from nicotine is not at all physically horrible. The urges to smoke are the real nuisance, but they truly do fade away.
Art: Only you could turn the story of tobacco into a lyrical and sublime social commentary, history lesson and ballad all in one. Pilgrims and Indians, war comrades, fun-loving strangers, smoking has a way of turning opposites into kindred spirits, of breeding companionship and setting people at ease. If we could just get past the lies the makers told us, the ugliness of the illnesses tobacco causes and the darned high cost of it, the world might be a better place if more people smoked. But I hope you don't, just because you read this!
bobbot: It is most definitely a pernicious addiction and I know how hard it is to give up having seen so many people try and fail. But most of them eventually do quit, it seems. Have you tried the electronic cigarettes? I know of two people, both heavy smokers, who used them and were able to stop.
Scanner: Congratulations!!! That is awesome; maybe you can share whatever worked for you with bobbot (see above). Yes I agree, nothing but nothing tastes better after a good meal than a cigarette. I don't know why that is, but it's true. And I don't think the pictures will work either. Other countries have had them for years; if anything, they'll just increase sales for cigarette case makers.
Amy: I don't know what those are but they sound like a tasty British sandwich! Sometimes I get the urge to dump a whole pack between two pieces of bread and gobble them up.
jlsathre: It's a hard place to leave unless you're really determined to get out. But not impossible. Good luck, if that's what you want, and thanks for reading.
greenheron: Funny, when I don't smoke I drink coffee. I can't stand the two of them at the same time though so more often than not, I'm guzzling Maxwell House. You're right, the smell of a freshly opened can of coffee can make you high. I've never heard of Cafe Bustella though; I take it you don't make it in a coffeemaker? I'll have to google it. Old Golds. Wow; you could blow smoke rings. I was never that talented but was jealous of my friends who could do that.
Nikki: Pleasure to meet you as well. I agree, those packages aren't going to have much affect the same way the DARE program isn't keeping kids from using drugs. I read somewhere that the tobacco company guys even picked their own pics. They're not worried.
Golden Phoenix: I'd say thanks for reading but if it makes you try a cigarette I couldn't feel good about saying that. Don't try it!. No reason to waste 5 bucks or more on a pack that hopefully you'd end up pitching; go put that money in a Salvation Army bucket and feel good about yourself!
Victoria: That is so funny, your mom not wanting her hair to get messed up. Yet it must have smelled awful! My father didn't smoke but my mom would, in the car, and he hated it. Especially when her hot ash would burn the upholstery.
fernsy: "A nation of gluten-free abstainers." Hahahahahaha. Everyone's got their little thing now! I still go in a restaurant and sometimes expect to get asked, "smoking" or "non" for where to sit. I know it's bad. A lot of things are bad for us. Staring at this computer monitor for so long is probably going to give me retinal warts. But you could also die from falling out of your bed. Some people do. Just sayin'.
Jonathan: It doesn't take much, for me or you apparently. :)
Miguela: I once had a chain-smoking boss who could not quit to save his life (Literally. He dropped dead of a massive heart attack at 42, from the effects of smoking.). It infuriated him that I could turn it off and on like that. He'd get so mad, and tell me I had to be lying because no one could do that, that I finally lied and told him I really was a closet chain smoker. I kept a pack of his brand in my desk and he'd come by to bum a few and shoot the breeze at the end of the day. It calmed him down a bit.
Mary: Thanks for reading and so glad you liked it. I was actually bracing myself for hateful comments and name-calling.
toritto: Your concern for your health is admirable. But I'd hate for anything to happen to your handsome mug. Maybe you should chew instead.
nerd cred: Yeah, more women in my family smoked too. The men started quitting before the women. I know, it's hard to get past that feeling of "normal" when normal for so long involved a cigarette.
sky: It does sound like a good idea, what you've suggested. Has anything like that ever been tried anywhere, do you know? There's just no value to smoking, nothing medicinal or otherwise. And it's a pretty expensive way to make yourself sick when you can go visit any hospital and pick up a staff infection for free!
Secondly, a Montecristo Churchill is one of the world's GREATEST cigars! It has a sufficient length and ring size (diameter) to smoke cool, yet still contain the finest aromatic tobaccos (which normal burn faster and are therefore hotter). They additionally sell for around $15 each so if you EVER get the chane to smoke one do so! (best smoked with a snifter of 20 y.o. rum on the side).
There! You are now undoubtedly the best educated person in Ohio! :D
I still remember the pleasure of that first cigarette of the day, and the one right after a large, satisfying meal. I still remember the oral fixation, and the great props they make when you are holding a drink and talking to friends. I also remember how nice it was to sip a cup of sickly sweet espresso with un cigarrillo in the other hand. Sigh. Wish they weren't so bad for us.
Now, sadly, I'm one of those insufferable reformed smokers and workout fanatics who can no longer tolerate the smell or the smoke. I kicked the habit for good 25 years ago after I went hiking/camping in the Andes with friends for several days and ran out of cigarettes.
I was ticked off that a little piece of paper wrapped around a little pile of dried up plant matter could have such a powerful hold over me. It also didn't help that I visited the home of an Andean potato farmer whose ceilings and walls literally dripped with tar from all of the years of building fires in her house. It was a jaw-dropping sight.
Of course, none of this takes away from the fact that this is a great riff on cigs.
Mum: From Cameo Menthol & Virginia Slims (nice feminine cancer sticks) to having four cigarettes burning at the same times when she got Alzheimers.
Us Kids: Breathed it all in; all the time. It's a wonder my own little finger tips weren't yellow. Cigarettes are dirty, dirty drugs. I recall being a smoker (quit, thankfully in '99) and rummaging thru my purse for a DuMaurier. Ah, the relief I felt when I eyed that bright red package ... and I hadn't even opened it yet. Bastards! I hate cigarette companies with a passion.
Like Myriad says, we had the rotten teeth, gum, cancerous tongues and throats along with the impotence warnings staring at us for years from cig packages. Someone invented pleasant designers sleeves to put over the images to hide the ugly truth. Reading this I relived the peeling off the cellophane and foil and smelled the heady sentinels. You are a mean, mean, woman, Margaret (but a fantastic writer)!
Bastards, I say, B-a-astards!
R♥
cc: Yeah, everyone did it back then. The person who didn't smoke was the odd one. I started with Salems, moved on to regular Marlboros, then Marlboro Lights then whatever was cheap or what someone else had. How did you manage to avoid starting in the first place? And yes, the candy cigarettes. They were the coolest!
Nana aka Mr. Mackey: Haven't you heard? "Bad" is the new "good." Your QVC habit sounds more dangerous and hard to break than all the other stuff you mention combined. I'm picturing you going cold turkey, shaking and sweating while jonesing for Ninjas and Magic Bullets and NuWave ovens and Bedazzlers and Diamoniques. Do they sell those things on QVC? I don't know! I don't watch it! But I do watch Intervention and you definitely need one.
Erica: Yes ex-smokers are the worst. Almost as bad as self-righteous first-time pregnant woman. I should know; I was one of those. I hope your husband quits too but as I'm sure you know, it has to be his decision. It's impossible to change someone that way.
nerd cred: Good point. They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can get serious about quitting other things like drugs; not so with cigarettes. But I'm also not quite sure I classify nicotine as a drug although I think the FDA does.
Roberto: Good for you. Nothing quite like a few lungfuls of fresh air - unless it's full of nitrogen oxides, volatile organic compounds and persistent free radicals of course! :)
Nick: Better drugs, to replace bad drugs. What a delightful thought! I wish I knew a pharmacist.
bluesstocking: OMG, that is so funny that other people did the note thing too. Our store was a Rexall Drug Store. I can't believe you started when you were over 30. And a pack a week. That's impressive. If I have a pack, it doesn't last half a day in my presence.
Nick: Agreed; telling kids drugs and sex and smoking are bad isn't doing the trick. Why can't be we just be honest and tell it like it is. It certainly wouldn't make anything worse, would it.
Myriad: It's too bad more people didn't have your reaction. There'd be a lot fewer sick people right now and fewer heartbroken families too. And when you look at it from a purely objective standpoint, it makes no sense to smoke. It even looks ridiculous.
Songbird: Thank you for that; you are a dear.
froggy: I promise, I won't tell your kids. Unfortunately mine know and hate it when I do it, another reason I've stopped again. Yes it's hard to hate something when there's so many pleaureable things surrounding it, I know.
Spumey: But I already do both of those things and people keep slamming doors in my face. Any other suggestions?
Matt: Oh Matt, I'm not going to heaven! Where I'm going, I'll even be able to smoke my own hair!
Tom: Yes I know. I was hoping you wouldn't read this and I was thinking of you and other people I know while I was writing. I'm sorry. You know I take the subject seriously; it's been a part of my life forever.
Having known people who have struggled with trying to quit both addictions, it almost seems like junk is the easier of the two to ditch. No patting myself on the back here for never being a (cigarette) smoker, I just thank my lucky stars that, for whatever reason, that never became my thing and have empathy and respect for those who have tried or succeeded in quitting. It sure doesn't look easy.
The anti-smoking stuff has become overkill. They show these horribly explicit ads during baseball games here, and every time I yell back at the TV, "We get it. Smoking's bad for you. If the viewer hasn't figured it out by now, he never will. Now show me a beer commercial instead."
Come to think of it, they never show ads about cirrhosis of the liver, do they?
Con: Cigars, oh yuuuuck. If it were me, I 'd spray you with Christmas Tree-scented room deodorizer and not worry so much about the cancer. I'd be more concerned the cigar smell would get in the upholstery.
Kelly: That is fantastic. You can do it!!! I mentioned this in another comment but I'll ask you too; have you tried those electronic cigarettes or do you know anyone who has? They seem to be pretty effective from what I've heard.
Jeanette: Yes, the parental note thing. Is that funny or what, and very hard to believe now. It's gone the way of cigarette machines and pay phone booths, hasn't it.
Amy: I beg to differ about British cooking. There is still an Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips in Columbus and it is delicious.
Somehow, I cannot get excited about smoking a cigar, I don't care how aromatic, hot or expensive it is. I'd rather put that $15 toward a carton of generic, no-name cigarettes. And 20 y.o. rum as an accompaniment. Hmmm let me go check under the kitchen sink and see if I have any.
Nope, I'm plum out of 20 year old rum, but I've got some week old Drano; will that do in a pinch?
It's just as well, I guess. My dogs use my crystal snifter for a water bowl and my silk smoking jacket is currently still on the scarecrow my kids made for Halloween and we haven't removed from the front porch yet. I won't be able to get to it until I have the '75 El Camino that crashed into the front porch and went partly into the living room, towed out of there. And I won't be doing that for a while because we use the bed of the El Camino for a bathtub. Since they turned the water off, and we have to rely on rain for stuff like that.
Greetings from high brow Ohio, Amy!
Thoth: You rebel! You bad boy! You subversive creature you! I've done that too, smoked one a day, but not for the reasons you do. I considered it a treat, like a cookie. I usually saved it for after dinner but sometimes would wait until later and have it with a beer. And seemed to enjoy it more too, than six in a row. Thanks for liking this.
Deborah: Somehow, I can't imagine taking cigarettes on a hiking/camping trip, and in the Andes, of all places. Wouldn't it be hilarious for someone to make the summit of Everest and light up in celebration. Well it's a good thing you saw that potato farmer's home because that's what the insides of some people's lungs probably look like. And thanks so much for enjoying this.
Scarlett: I'm sorreeee! Didn't know how potent a description could be! I never heard of those cigarettes, Canadian brands, I'm assuming. Wow, strong stuff. Growing up my neighbor smoked unfiltered Lucky Strikes and they were the strongest brand I'd ever seen and I sure didn't want to try one. Really the whole experience is grotesque when you think about it, putting a burning stick in your mouth and sucking on it, knowing the huge risk you take and willing to do it anyway. For what? You don't even get high! Yes it is an ugly truth, a very ugly truth. A smelly one too.
Bleue: So true, so true. The more things change, the more they stay the same, it seems.
Alysa: It's been a long love/hate relationship, although "love" isn't strong enough a word to describe it and there's really been no hate.
grif: I know, I know. The children. Oh the poor children. And don't forget the pets either.
zanelle: The brain knows what it wants and how to get it. And it's not even the one having the fun! I hope your daughter is successful in quitting.
Various; That's what I've heard. Never tried heroin so I can't speak to that but my daughter has and guess what - she quit that but can't quit cigarettes. Although she really could if she wanted to. But I guess it's better than heroin. Wise you, for never having tried either one.
Abra: Yup, it was rude and prissy to not allow smoking in your home, even if you didn't smoke yourself. Times change and it's really for the best. I've had the burn marks in the flooring and upholstery to prove that.
d white: Thanks so much, for reading and stopping by.
Michelle: It's hard to get out of its clutches and I've never needed any help but it sounds like there are things that work, if you really want to quit. Check some of the comments on this post and also there are support groups like AA for smokers that sound like they're helpful. But I completely understand the pull of it. Good to hear from you and thanks for sharing your story.
Cranky: I know, they are outrageously expensive. And yeah, kind of hypocritical I've always thought to wage this war against tobacco when alcohol causes so much sickness and damage, both bodily and physical.
Scarlett: But it's true, I am mean, and not just mean. Mean mean. Double mean. So you are fine!
Yes I know you're kidding. And please don't smoke on account of my descriptions. I'm not and I've been writing and thinking about cigarettes all day thanks to this post.
Yup - me too - My parents ran a halfway house for retarded women and had "aides" who worked at the house (where we lived). Everyone smoked, and more than cigs. I think cigs were about 75 cents/pack then, so I woulod first take orders with the "Keep the change!" caveat and ride my bike to buy eight packs of different brands of cigarettes. I was never questioned, nor was my alarming habit of Charleston Chew's and Ho-Ho's ever a subject of conversation.
I started smoking as an act of rebellion. But that's a long story. I was also smoking pot when I was 11...
I'm still smoking. I smoke probably about a pack a week - but I smoke compulsively WHEN I smoke and notice that I have a bad attitude when the withdrawal kicks in.
My mother smoked through all of her pregnancies but gave it up after I was born...our relationship was comp-licated and I know smoking was defiance towards her in those early years.
Then it was normal - y'know, Seattle and "grunge" in the '90's - and then it became more and more a shunned behaviour.
I am blathering on...I was in NYC last week and , having lived there in the '80's, thought about how smoking in public places has changed. Was there a time when people smoked on subways? I certainly remember smoking on buses and planes - I sat with my father in smoking sections for much of my childhood. To me, that's the big deal. When I smoke, and when I smoke with friends, we find a place that would not offend non-smokers and we ask people if smoking is "ok" around them. (Like bars that provide smoking patios, or asking on the street.) I HATE rude and careless smokers.
Well, somehow I will get them out of my life - those nicotine angels in their holiday wrapping. Thanks to you for being honest, brave and for your ALWAYS stupendous writing.
I also find it highly ironic that when there's some knew public project that needs funding, the first thing governments do is impose a "sin" tax, usually involving raising the price of cigarettes. So smoking is bad and no one should do it but as long they do, let's squeeze them as hard as we can, because we gotta pay for that new stadium somehow.
See, you're not the only one who carries on. :)
And thank you for saying such nice things about my blather - I mean my writing.
Mom of my friends.
She was not miniaturized.
She a living doll.
Tangled up in bleue.
I got a habit. I smoke. I kill other peepul , not just myself. I am a wretch.
I live in the America place where well, we kinda been funding this enterprise of freedom
Unlimited
By tobacco for quite awhile.
Quite a damn while.
My sins pay for children’s health, now, the governor of CT sez.
Ha, goes in a ‘general fund’..
To pay for the state’s mishandling of finance.
Oh well. I a stinky sinner & so should be shunned.
Fine with me.
I could say more but shall not cuz my wits have returned miraculously. Due to moon?
In the review the person states something like this: "I was enjoying her story until I realized she wasn't apologizing for her behavior. Without redemption I can't for the life of me see how anyone can give this 5 stars? No one should laugh at a woman who's a huge alcoholic whore, unless the woman apologizes for being that way and vows to change it."
Wish I had screenshot that "real person" review, it's by far a fave. Anyway... there isn't enough lugubriousness in this pro-cancer-stick post of yours. It lacks any sorrow, among many other things conveniently missing that would hint at a personal apology (to me), and a necessary request for (my) forgiveness. From what I gather, you enjoy smoking.
I can only give this 1 star.
Um, no! It's probably just a shabbily written comment on my part. I mean that your love of cigarettes (since smokers are considered pariahs these days) can not be marked as 'good' since you didn't apologize for being a smoker. The lack of apology refers to the Amazon review I read and laughed over...
Make sense?
Probably not. I hate writing comments, so "making sense" winds up last on my mind. Oof
I am a huge alcoholic whore and I'm sorry and vow to change.
Can I have five stars now?
Charlie, why are you being so mean to me?